@ChatEnPoche's (Q) most faved Tweets...
The self-defense of the 21st century has everything to do with creativity. I keep a jar of wasabi in my pillowcase and a Sharpie in my pants
Mom's new house boasts a cellar, where I will peddle whores, mastermind an underground railroad, and have brainchildren.
Commercials for raisins ought to quit advertising them as fresh-picked. They are rotted grapes. In a box.
I'm applying to be the Mall Santa. Tomorrow I'll be filing a gender discrimination lawsuit against a huge corporation!
The only reason we ever laugh is so our boobs will jiggle. I swear. We really don't think anything is funny. Ever.
I gave some neighborhood kids some Rice Crispies treats today. By kids, I mean bums, and by Rice Crispies treats I mean malt liquor.
Wife: Would you love me if I only had one leg? Husband: Yes, honey. Wife: No, I mean, a uni-leg. Husband: What do you MEAN, UNI-LEG
If you want your loved ones to worry about you, just send a mass text saying only, 'Hiccup.' around noon on a weekday.
Made it, or should I say DRANK my way thru my first improv show. Nerves turned my stomach into cheese grits. Related: I was in the audience.
Granny is explaining something to Mom in the next room. I'm not sure which of them has had more wine, but I am guessing it is me.
Trying to write about sex and the things that sort of go along with it. Read: This will not be about love. Also: I should collect more data.
I swear last night as I lay on my bathroom floor a lot began to make sense. That heat rises, for one.
If I had a peso for every DM or email I get from a man, worried about my use of the V-word, I would buy a misogyny burrito.
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