I've never been this sure of anything in my life.




I think.

I won't rest untill I am tired. Or sooner maybe.

I don't tweet that intensively because I believe quantity doesn't top quality. Not that I'm implying to have that. I'm just lazy.

I totally kick ass when it comes to mediocrity.

The main difference between you single folk out there and us married ones is that for you there's hope.

The expression 'bored to death' seems highly inaccurate. If not, you wouldn't be reading this right now.

I'm spending more time on twitter lately than watching porn. Should I be worried?

I consider myself to be an optimist. I take comfort in the knowledge I will die eventually… and with some luck maybe sooner than later.

Damn you Google for finding my great ideas have been tweeted before… and before.

Wife turns 37 today. My present will be to lay off the wife-jokes on twitter for one day. Lucky girl!

I was wondering. Without favstar, would anyone care about tweet-thieves?

Going down on my ice-cream real gay-like.

Sis in law is expecting her first. Is there a rule saying you can't be a creepy uncle if you have kids of your own?

You know when you masturbate in the shower but are too hungry to come because you haven't had breakfast yet, so you just stop. That.

My wife and I are such good friends. Just wish there'd also be benefits.

Just spilled a load of milk while cooking. Well, there's no use crying over it.
Fuck it. I'm a grown man. I can cry about anything I please.

Ever notice a woman's gaydar shuts down if she has a crush on the particular subject?

My wife sucks at giving Bj's…




no wait, that didn't come out just right.

Given natural selection it makes sense hardly any men can perform autofellatio.

Relax ladies, there's enough of me for everyone. #thingsihaveneversaid