Lets open a twitter cafe, instead of coffee we will serve tons of booze, drugs, and fake sex. Im thinking franchises all over the world.

I'm feeling a long liquid lunch today followed by an escort out of the bar.

People on twitter....Look Ma No Life".


Wait a minute!

My bartender is so ugly it's astonishing she even made the day team! Wow.

Two guys hosting any TV anything should not both wear pin stripes, I'm dizzy now.

Hey girls that wear heels too high for you to be able to walk down the street, you look like a complete disaster barely making it.

Is a sleeper cell a bunch of lazy terrorists?

I've had so much coffee today my eyes feel like a slot machine!

Why are old women's boobs pointy?

Do I really have to act like I am STILL LISTENING to you??? Please say no, Oh right you are too caught up in YOU to respond, Sorry.

Here is a thought...... do something other than be a douche rocket!
Thanks Me!

My stunt double called in bored today!

Wrong train! Middle of no fuck where great!

I'm such a dick right now! Hahaha!

Your not in the same library never mind the same page.

The toughest day I have ever had to encounter is upon me in a few hours. I am hoping I am tough enough to deal. Wish me luck. Love you Dad!

At least working for my friend today means that every table we pick up(cook) we slam a beer and a shot. Hope it's busy. Don't come in late.

I think most females on twitter are from that show "Women Behind Bars" on Discovery channel. You ladies are nutz!

@cool_jesse @chefswanya it's cool, she just does what she wants. Can't hate on her.

even if weed was illegal i would still smoke it, I'm a bad ass!