Is it worse to kill 15 people or wear a fedora

A blizzard warning saved me from tweeting this tweet. Thank you, blizzard warning! pic.twitter.com/oFXe6Cz9

Imagine Steve Harvey eating your pussy

The point at which you decide it's not worth it to see someone's twitter profile pic pic.twitter.com/vf83K9pq

Louis Vuitton condoms protect society from the babies of people who would use Louis Vuitton condoms.

HATERS ARE GOING TO HATE CREATORS ARE GOING TO CREATE

AND WITH JUST 3 WORDS "IT CAME TRUE" HALF OF AMERICA VOMMED ALL OVER THEIR TV AND COUCHES

"It's so cold out!" "It's not cold out." OH COOL I DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD WEATHER VETO POWER I STAND CORRECTED

HEADS UP: Sometimes I text "hahaa" + my iPhone autocorrects it to "HAHAHAHA" based on a past time I laughed harder at a funnier joke

"Steve Martin is a great male comedian!" -no one, bc it would sound stupid

Once you say "amazeballs" you render your yelp review null and void

WHY DOES EVERYONE POST CRAZY PICS OF LIKE THEM IN A HOSPITAL THEN EVERY1 GOES "WHAT HAPPENED?" IN COMMENTS AND THEN POSTER GIVES ZERO ANSWER

Bane is trending bc it is hard to think of original jokes

Text someone u were only seeing for like 2 seconds 8 years ago and be like "it's our special day......"

What if texting broke for a month society would be like uhhhhhjjjjjjhhhhhhhhhhh "hello may I please speak to so and so" all nervous and shit

i know it's a lil intolerant but I hate all people

What the person on the street corner approaching me w a pamphlet doesn't understand is I want the world to end

Decided to quit comedy bc I don't want 2 bum this guy out about ladies BYE YOU GUYS! IT HAS BEEN A WILD RIDE BYEEEEEE http://t.co/ThfapmgG

If you have to get a tattoo that says "let go" I feel like you're gonna b a tricky person to deal with

Did you know: the average American spends 8,000 years of their life refilling Brita water pitchers.