My condom broke during sex last night, I panicked at first but then I burst out laughing after thinking how funny the puppies would look.

Just seen Kevin Webster in his garage working on a 14 year old escort.

At last I've managed to find my wifes G-spot!

Who would have thought her sister had it all the time?

DAMN IT! I haven't got time to slave away over a hot stove but can't seem to find a microwave big enough to fit a toddler in.

#slimetotd2

Twitter Elite can suck my dick, fucking bunch of winging "Hey he stole my tweet, I wrote that" CUNTS.

I was sat on the edge of the bed last night, pulling off my boxers when the wife said to me
"Please don't do that to the dogs"!

A recent survey has found that 95% of men dont know how to turn the dishwasher on. I find licking her nipples and a fingering usually works.

<-------- Still hasn't received the i-pad he won on here. : (

Oscar Pistorius is now foot loose and fiance free.








I'm so sorry, I should go, yeah?

Ok, last Kelis/milkshake tweet, i promise.

 http://twitpic.com/cq38us 

Rodney King was probably on his way to rape/rob some white girl so I'm glad he got a good kicking.

Smoking cocaine isn't all its cracked up to be.















I'll get my coat.

Catwoman's hot but if it wasnt 4 the fact she can lick her own ass id dump that bitch 4 constantly shitting in next doors yard
#gtsuperhero

How many dick pics do you reckon i can 'accidently' send my sister before she starts getting suspicious?

It's not rape if you were dumb enough to get in the back of a van that had blacked out windows, that's just natural selection.

#RapeLOL

Hey you CUNT with 1000's of followers, fuck off telling people how to use twitter, ill RT/@/star if I fucking want to you sad cunt
#Subtweet

Hey Beyonce, I put a ring on a thing I like and I ended up in casualty, doctor had to call fire brigade to come and hacksaw it off my cock.

Dear Al-Qaeda, 1Direction want me to tell you they think ALLAH is a cunt and you stink.

Oh yeah, Jedward said you've to go fuck yourselves.

Before Twitter came along I had to go round door to door putting photo's of my dick through peoples letterbox's.

What fucking Holocaust?

 http://twitpic.com/bjx2gr