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My condom broke during sex last night, I panicked at first but then I burst out laughing after thinking how funny the puppies would look.
Just seen Kevin Webster in his garage working on a 14 year old escort.
At last I've managed to find my wifes G-spot!
Who would have thought her sister had it all the time?
Twitter Elite can suck my dick, fucking bunch of winging "Hey he stole my tweet, I wrote that" CUNTS.
I was sat on the edge of the bed last night, pulling off my boxers when the wife said to me
"Please don't do that to the dogs"!
A recent survey has found that 95% of men dont know how to turn the dishwasher on. I find licking her nipples and a fingering usually works.
<-------- Still hasn't received the i-pad he won on here. : (
Oscar Pistorius is now foot loose and fiance free.
I'm so sorry, I should go, yeah?
Rodney King was probably on his way to rape/rob some white girl so I'm glad he got a good kicking.
Smoking cocaine isn't all its cracked up to be.
I'll get my coat.
Catwoman's hot but if it wasnt 4 the fact she can lick her own ass id dump that bitch 4 constantly shitting in next doors yard
How many dick pics do you reckon i can 'accidently' send my sister before she starts getting suspicious?
Hey you CUNT with 1000's of followers, fuck off telling people how to use twitter, ill RT/@/star if I fucking want to you sad cunt
Hey Beyonce, I put a ring on a thing I like and I ended up in casualty, doctor had to call fire brigade to come and hacksaw it off my cock.
Dear Al-Qaeda, 1Direction want me to tell you they think ALLAH is a cunt and you stink.
Oh yeah, Jedward said you've to go fuck yourselves.
Before Twitter came along I had to go round door to door putting photo's of my dick through peoples letterbox's.