Why doesn't George R.R. Martin use Twitter? Because he killed all 140 characters.  http://ow.ly/lFCMQ 

Photo of Earthquake damage in Ohio http://ow.ly/6aOOX

NBC just reported the calorie count of the Inaugural Luncheon. Journalism is dead.

If you think green-dyed Budweiser is cool we're probably not friends.

DRINK EVERYTIME EITHER CANDIDATE SMIRKS. You are drunk. #debate #debates #debate2012 #morehashtags #HiMom

Apparently the youth of America don't know, or are just finding out, that the Titanic sinking was a real thing http://t.co/pD7csfom

My view at the Super Bowl!  http://instagr.am/p/VSovAhyUME/ 

I like the end of the world countdowns, because obviously the world ends in eastern standard time.

I look forward to Wednesday when no one gives a shit about my state again.

Apparently if I want to tell someone I fundamentally disagree with them and maybe hate them I just have to call them "my friend" #VPDebate

So here's a PSA made by the Jehovah's Witnesses for the deaf about why masturbation is evil - then set to R. Kelly http://t.co/GlERQaLA

My calling in life is to shake the shit out of people who say "There's nothing to do in Columbus"

In which the people of Columbus, Ohio make me very proud by refusing to tolerate intolerance to strangers  http://ow.ly/guECz 

How to fix the hidden Facebook search/notification bar issue 1) Accept you probably don't need to be on Facebook right now 2) Close the tab

<3 RT @demetriushall Whoever wrote this headline deserves a medal. pic.twitter.com/NCG2ULlQ8I

Melt is coming to Columbus!  http://ow.ly/fgotk  #foodporn #cheesegasm

Well this is just about the worst job-search-through-social-media asshattery anyone has ever tried. BUT a hilarious story http://ow.ly/64RfP

PSA: The fake "✔" check mark in your Twitter profile isn't fooling anyone into thinking your account is verified & you are important.

The best part of writing is that it doesn't require pants.

It's Small Business Saturday. Shop local.