I don't think the calories count if you give the corn dog a blow job first

My favorite sexual position is you shutting the fuck up so I can concentrate

I've developed the first ever vagina toupee. I call it the snatch patch.

I'm not a lesbian, but if you have cleavage hanging out, I'm totally looking. And I'm definitely liking.

If you star all my tweets, I'm just gonna go ahead and assume you wanna fuck me

My twat needs a good pummeling.

If anyone missed breakfast, I have some toast crumbs hiding in my cleavage

My favorite part of giving head? Sucking the balls

If you don't feel like your vagina needs stitches the next morning, you're doing it wrong

If you're craving something salty, I highly recommend boner juice

I had two c-sections, so yeah, its tight twat all up in this bitch

Woke up with my panties wet. Honestly couldn't tell you if it was piss or cum.

My camel toe has spectacular definition. It looks like it's wearing a Japanese toe sock.

I think women show enough tit pics, lets get some dick pics circulating

RT bitches

If you talk shit about KE$HA but like Lady Gaga, I have news for you. They both fuckin suck

When did we decide that Lil Wayne was any good? Those aren't tats on his face, they're leftover dingle berries from his sucking ass

There's nothing like a soapy tit massage first thing in the morning

I think my kids are the only ones in the world who refuse to clean out a pumpkin. Guess fisting their spouses isn't in their future

I love the trouser snake. My favorite is the boa cunt-strictor

Even if I was the one who closed it and I'm home by myself, I always open the shower curtain when I drop a deuce. No need for surprises