@ChewingPencils' (Sean Korzdorfer) most faved Tweets...
I sure wish I could swap this raging headache for a raging hard-on ... The wife just demoted me to a sissy after declining sex.
I think someone spiked my airplane peanuts … Seems my small intestine has mutated into a soft serve machine.
Way too fuckin' quiet out ... Sliding shells into the shotguns ... Just in case the zombie apocolypse begins a couple of years early.
Me: Are you mad at me?
Wife: I want to shit on your soul ...
Me: So, would that be called a Vatican Steamer?
Wife: I want to shit on your soul ...
Me: So, would that be called a Vatican Steamer?
$16.99 for a movie without exposed boobs ... Looks like I'm getting fucked in this hotel room after all ...
Friday Night ToDo List:
1) See Where the Wild Things Are
2) Acquire hooker
3) Dump said hooker in the river.
1) See Where the Wild Things Are
2) Acquire hooker
3) Dump said hooker in the river.
Crazed woman high on the Latter Day Saints: Would you like to learn more about the Book of Mormon?
Me: Does the Devil win in that version?
Me: Does the Devil win in that version?
FaceBook acquiring FriendFeed sounds almost as pleasant as getting cornholed by a Great White Shark.
Just had a dream about the End of Days: It began with the freecreditreport.com guy and the Progressive Insurance chick awkwardly fucking.
My Balls ... My Balls ... My Balls Are On Fire!
Related: Fuck you, Vicks Vapor Rub ... External use, my ass.
Related: Fuck you, Vicks Vapor Rub ... External use, my ass.
Dear Poop,
I realize that we've been taking antibiotics, but you really need to change your acidity level to anything but scorched rim.
I realize that we've been taking antibiotics, but you really need to change your acidity level to anything but scorched rim.
15
Wife: Why do people think Jay-Z is such hot shit?
Me: I haven't the foggiest.
Wife: We must be old.
Me: I'm still hot for your boobs.
Me: I haven't the foggiest.
Wife: We must be old.
Me: I'm still hot for your boobs.
14
I never thought poop finger could happen to me ... And if it can happen to me, it sure as shit can happen to you.
14
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