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It makes me feel better to know that at some point in history even a ninja's foot has fallen asleep and he's had to walk that shit off.
Dude: Can I have your number?
Me (holding phone): I don't have a phone.
Dude: I can see your phone.
Me: I can see your tribal tattoo.
Seize the day. By the throat.
Listening to Jay-Z has taught me literally everything I know about whether or not a cop can legally search a person's car.
Put on yoga pants
The 8 phases of trying to put on jeans after a weekend binge.
I just made YOLO into a verb. I'm going to go ahead and hang myself now.
I put my pants on the same way as the rest of you.
Begrudgingly and merely to comply with socially accepted modesty rules.
Did you try turning your relationship off and on again?
“Sleep late, have fun, get wild, drink whiskey & drive fast on empty streets with nothing in mind but falling in love & not getting arrested.” -Hunter Thompson