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If you're a girl watching the VS Fashion Show & you're not wet, doing crunches on the floor, you are lying.
Are you FUCKING kidding me?! My fucking milkshake brings all the crazy people to my yard.
Karma is Buddhist for "I am rubber, you are glue."
So so so ready for Vegas, I'm about to roofie myself.
The guy in the bowtie is the cutest motherfucker in the room, 100% of the time.
"That cop says I should go to jail for smoking PCP in my car, but I say that cop should go to jail for being a fucking saber-toothed tiger."
It's not "highly inappropriate" because I'm not "high" & I don't know why we're using finger quotes or where my bra went or why you're here.
Slurp it like a milkshake
Gonna solve all your relationship problems right now girls: Find something better to do with your mouth than bitch. Use your imagination.
What's a Christmasgram?! I WANT ONE!!!!
I'll consider myself a winner at life when I have a diamond encrusted bong sitting on a diamond encrusted coffee table next to a Love Sac.
All my girlfriends are looking for love & all I want out of life is a fresh pair of gold pyramid-studded Vans & some mint green skinnies.
Boobs are how people without charm get what they want.
Meatdog just ate a marble. Merry Christmas!
About 20 minutes away from revealing the puppy I was NOT approved by my sister-in-law to buy for my nephew.
Say my name wrong again, bitch.
I love Christmas shopping for my nephews because it reminds them that Aunt Lo is cooler than mom & that's what Christmas is all about.
Little sister just tried to buy shoes from Baby Gap. She's 20.
Mad to live. Only the fearless are free. Hold my beer & watch this shit.