You are a romance movie. With a shit ton of commercials.

It's finally summer, or as I like to call it: "shaving season".

My brother found a condom & a thong where the trees were cut down. Oh, if the trees could talk, the stories they would tell.

People have all these past relationships where they've learned from their mistakes & grown as a person... & I had pizza for lunch.

@thenateharold Horngry.

That awkward moment when someone you tweet about all the time decides to follow you on twitter.

I wonder while going to the bathroom in public places... Can people outside hear me? Am I getting herpes? Can people hear me getting herpes?

My heart waits for the chance to dance upon the ashes of my burnt up little plans.

Let's just be together, okay? Strings attached, emotional baggage, hopes, & dreams & everything. How does that sound to you?

If my heart could speak, it'd scream at you for all its complications.

Me: "Is this the Titanic song? My heart will go on? Really?" @ultrakelsey: "I masturbate to this."

One time at camp, no one believed that I wasn't allergic to poison ivy, so I rolled in a patch of poison ivy to make my point.

I like having a tall friend because he can give me weather reports directly from the sky.

I WAS NOT PUT ON THIS PLANET TO HOLD DOORS OPEN FOR YOU MOTHERFUCKERS

My walk of shame is when I have to carry all the dishes that have accumulated in my room to the kitchen...

So excited to see my ratchets tonight!! ❤❤❤ @mayabrown77 @shelbzhill

@mayabrown77 I will sometime. ): Maybe next week?? Ratchet slumber party?? @shelbzhill

@shelbzhill @mayabrown77 I'll come back to be ratchet with you! Don't worry!! We'll have ratchet slumber parties!

"She took a nap & she just woke up?"
"You mean the baby finally went to sleep?"
"No, Chloé took a nap..."
@mayabrown77 @shelbzhill 😓

@mayabrown77 @shelbzhill #judging 😜 YOU BETTER WIN THAT COMPETITION THOUGH. I'll come to Floria & stomp on the competition's castles! 😈