Green Day sucks.

Instead of buying homeless people Abercrombie, how about a dinner or something you fucking trogs

Led Zeppelin >>>>>

Mother Nature gave me sex hair.

perform satanic rituals with my 10 gb archive of kelly clarkson dubstep remixes and a pair of paisley skinny jeans

sign my whitehouse petition to change leather's name to cow paper

derp-derp, derp-derp-derp, derrrrp-derp-derp, derp-derp-derp, derrrrp-derp-derp, derp-derp-derp, derrrrp-derp-derp, derp-derp-derp, derrrrp.

My twerk game so hot I gave your dead dog a boner.

Wish I had the attention span to read for classes.

want to spice things up in the bedrommZ? cover ur junk in ghost chili sauce and light yourself on fire

Why the fuck would you smoke when you're fueling up your car? WHY?

It's quarter to midnight, I'm baking potatoes and I've lost control of my life.

i'm pretty sure toenails glued to a piece of cardboard would be funnier than david letterman

*sings margaret thatcher's dead to the tune of bela lugosi's dead*

#ineedmasculismbecause these Dorito crumbs won't pick themselves out of my belly button.

I'M SO PISSED BECAUSE I WON'T BE ALIVE TO WITNESS CULTURAL EXCHANGES WITH DIFFERENT PLANETS THAT CONTAIN SENTIENT LIFE

sir, do you know why we found a 2tb hard drive labelled "phat trap beats" in your son's diaper?

#cantdateyouif you don't have a luxuriant pubic thatch

It's 2012 And I Can't Turn My Prius Into A Bong. What The Fuck Obama.

@disassemblyline surge is why shrek was piss. #conspiracytheories