Treat your problems like a speed bump, get the fuck over it already.

Hey, Rosa Parks. Good job and everything, but I kinda like sitting at the back of the bus.

Another way to avoid having a heat stroke is to not go outside while it's all heat-y. Here to help or whatever.

Anchovies taste like never again.

Cool Made-Up Fact: If you fart while running, you'll run 2 seconds faster.

My favorite sex position is fucking.

You win, unattainable things. You win.

Don't forget about the quiet, underestimated people who's been decried by society. They seem to kill people when you least expect it.

I kinda wish Charlie Brown would take that pubic hair off his forehead.

Question marks are just exclamation marks suffering from debilitating scoliosis.

Hey, women with feathers in your hair: Eh.

Virgins don't give a fuck.

Fuck you, abnormally fast repliers.

Stop it, eye boogers. I have a nose for that.

"I want to touch your crotch sooo bad!!" - soccer socks

I just printed out a majority of people's tweets and placed them in my complaint box.

Vaginas are pretty much a dick wallet.

Used a big word in front of my friend and he said, "I totally jus lost respect for you." I told him, "You forgot the t."

My future girlfriend already broke up with me. :'(

The tweet don't even have to make sense. If it has the word "vagina" in it, there's a 99% chance of it being starred.