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  • CindyBegel
      Cindy Begel @CindyBegel

    Judge Judy rushed to the hospital today with nausea, after hearing the one millionth guy say, "I thought she bought me the car as a gift."

    • 282
    • FAVS
    BrainFumblesEnchantedCshelellenteemstluvstrinketsjustussteelBrookeTuzilconcretesledge_AlfredaSaysEfit
    • 332
    • RETWEETS
    BrainFumblesEnchantedCshelmstluvstrinketsAlfredaSaysEfitXoolunEliHansenMusicWhervrIMayRoamronyoungtweets
    LaSpanglishFly____
  • CindyBegel
      Cindy Begel @CindyBegel

    Sometimes when my cat is sitting on a chair, I sneak up, shake the chair hard, yelling, "EARTHQUAKE!" Sadly, like many, she's not prepared

    • 303
    • FAVS
    BrainFumblesjustussteelconcretesledge_AldoTheDeadbirdXoolunEliHansenMusicerrdayhustlahedwardsnathn
    • 142
    • RETWEETS
    BrainFumblesXoolunNounGenderLizzieEMBVickey_39256daniel_shawMacruzWalterWanjama254
  • CindyBegel
      Cindy Begel @CindyBegel

    BF wants to set a trap for the mouse that just ran by. I wanna cut a hole in the wall & put mice-sized furniture for him & his family.

    • 258
    • FAVS
    BrainFumblesomw2thetopmstluvstrinketsjustussteelBrookeTuzilHumor_Fetishconcretesledge_Ohaiqtpie
    • 76
    • RETWEETS
    BrainFumblesmstluvstrinketsjustussteelconcretesledge_Ohaiqtpiebenittto10Favstar250JulesC70
    lloydrang
  • CindyBegel
      Cindy Begel @CindyBegel

    Omg, there is a big big black bug crawling around on my desk. Don't worry, I'd be just as scared if it were a big white bug.

    • 226
    • FAVS
    BrainFumblesNiftyFistBumpfunk62outjoeljeffreymotrboatrjustussteelBrookeTuzilLiisaTS
    • 64
    • RETWEETS
    BrainFumblesmotrboatrjustussteelStewyDaBconcretesledge_Xoolunnotrandomrosioyoungestneil
  • CindyBegel
      Cindy Begel @CindyBegel

    If you dance like no one's watching you, you will never get laid.

    • 185
    • FAVS
    Kulshrestha6Gryffindor14justussteelBrookeTuzilconcretesledge_TheRomanParkerXoolunHaneyRicky
    • 77
    • RETWEETS
    Gryffindor14justussteelSteveBrownBCXoolunLackOfShameEliHansenMusicNounGenderLizzieEMB
    rossbransonSupersurlyfemin9LazerPunch
  • CindyBegel
      Cindy Begel @CindyBegel

    It's weird, but a lot of people in my dreams wave at me like they know me.

    • 141
    • FAVS
    justussteelconcretesledge_TheRomanParkerallthingspoeticXoolunEliHansenMusicedwardsnathnStephenLegz
    • 43
    • RETWEETS
    XoolunedwardsnathnAllieAkaraitisvoiceanarchicwolfparhwywaynebratton1709M3
  • CindyBegel
      Cindy Begel @CindyBegel

    Just found out they're using Dick Cheney's old heart to freeze warts off people who can't afford health insurance.

    • 129
    • FAVS
    concretesledge_AldoTheDeadbirdXoolunEliHansenMusicerrdayhustlahAllieANounGenderronyoungtweets
    • 41
    • RETWEETS
    XoolunerrdayhustlahkaraitisvoiceanarchicwolfmumeeeeeparhwyyurdoorGoldenSpirals
  • CindyBegel
      Cindy Begel @CindyBegel

    North Carolina bans gay marriage.They prefer fave son John Edward's style marriage of impregnating gf behind cancer stricken wife's back.

    • 115
    • FAVS
    Humor_Fetishconcretesledge_XoolunEliHansenMusicedwardsnathnNounGenderronyoungtweetsTweetTheDude
    • 35
    • RETWEETS
    concretesledge_MrCrash2UXoolunmumeeeeefavstar1000favsgirlkeikoQuirkyPickleMr_Kapowski
  • CindyBegel
      Cindy Begel @CindyBegel

    I hate waking up in the pitch dark & frantically looking around for a tiny sliver of light, so I know I didn't suddenly go blind.

    • 113
    • FAVS
    justussteelconcretesledge_WorstUFOHunterXoolunEliHansenMusicStephenLegzAllieANounGender
    • 31
    • RETWEETS
    XoolunLizzieEMBRubiGHerreraSickayduhTweetTheDudeMithiChy06WheelTodcloakstorm
  • CindyBegel
      Cindy Begel @CindyBegel

    Nowadays kids are named Blue & dogs are named Steve. So kids have dog names & dogs have kid names. But politicians are still Dicks.

    • 83
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    BresnickJanineAk2oidHumor_FetishFitFadFanDauntingWonderconcretesledge_RobinbubleAllieA
    • 20
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    Ak2oidlorac22allenstephen2421concretesledge_NounGenderparhwyashlar36Not_Your_Mommy
  • CindyBegel
      Cindy Begel @CindyBegel

    Whenever someone tweets, "Pay $12 & get a 1000 followers!" I unfollow & replace them with 1000 funny people.

    • 89
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    BrookeTuzilconcretesledge_WorstUFOHunterallthingspoeticXoolunRobinbubleNounGenderronyoungtweets
    • 11
    • RETWEETS
    XoolunNounGenderLizzieEMBanarchicwolfparhwyslopoke1000Awk0TacooMCaparco
  • CindyBegel
      Cindy Begel @CindyBegel

    WTF?! Prez Obama signed a bill that horse meat is now for human consumption?! I would eat a stock broker burger before eating a horse.

    • 83
    • FAVS
    concretesledge_NounGenderronyoungtweetsmumeeeeeparhwyTweetTheDudeImprobableEddieDumbConfessions
    • 16
    • RETWEETS
    parhwyslopoke1000nakedlaughingChryssimissyMCaparcoDranoRaul57thStateTweetrFavstar500Favs
  • CindyBegel
      Cindy Begel @CindyBegel

    When Michael Phelps wakes up in the AM, he'll realize it was all a dream & he's really a dentist in Peoria who occasionally wins at Bingo.

    • 71
    • FAVS
    concretesledge_EliHansenMusicedwardsnathnNounGenderronyoungtweetsmumeeeeeLeslieAMLparhwy
    • 15
    • RETWEETS
    parhwyslopoke1000Favstar500FavsAwk0TacooBredwhSceniclegeraldineaugustJay1972Jay
  • CindyBegel
      Cindy Begel @CindyBegel

    One rule I learned real fast on favstar. NEVER uses lol. It garners the same writers' disdain as "Just kidding!" used to get.

    • 76
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    concretesledge_EliHansenMusicNounGenderronyoungtweetsanarchicwolfmumeeeeeLeslieAMLparhwy
    • 5
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    anarchicwolfparhwyFavstar500FavsGentlePathanEl_nacho_Nigre
  • CindyBegel
      Cindy Begel @CindyBegel

    #ThingsThatScareDemocrats When insane Republican families look like this bunch: pic.twitter.com/V0JQVy9JA1

    • 47
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    EliHansenMusicNounGenderronyoungtweetsmumeeeeeImprobableEddieDumbConfessionsWhosTheresaasdfsemi
    • 23
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    MmphisAstrologyMiahTaylor10ethanraeNJLobsterGatorjordannicholsonGOPeeOnAmericaMaggieMiracleHusjojola
  • CindyBegel
      Cindy Begel @CindyBegel

    If they want to be my friend, I take them out for Indian food. If they pick all the paneer out of the spinach for themselves, it's a no.

    • 64
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    NounGenderronyoungtweetsmumeeeeeTweetTheDudeImprobableEddieDumbConfessionsmoose_chocolateGoldenSpirals
    • 6
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    Favstar500Favsnonster7MCaparcoBeccaADeckatyrantasorusAspersioncast
    Aspersioncast
  • CindyBegel
      Cindy Begel @CindyBegel

    How many hookers in Japan are named Pearl Harbor? They're all 83 now.

    • 63
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    justussteelconcretesledge_NounGenderronyoungtweetsnowarrantyTweetTheDudeImprobableEddieDumbConfessions
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    Favstar500FavsMCaparcoMr_KapowskiChickenMclovin
  • CindyBegel
      Cindy Begel @CindyBegel

    Army of ants in kitchen! My bf told me to draw a chalk line that they won't cross. Then my ants' boyfriends told THEM about the chalk.

    • 58
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    concretesledge_NounGenderronyoungtweetsmumeeeeeMisfitEngag3parhwyTweetTheDudeImprobableEddie
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    parhwy23_LiesGentlePathan
  • CindyBegel
      Cindy Begel @CindyBegel

    Whenever people wait impatiently for my parking spot by staring at me -- I whip out a wash cloth & start giving myself a sponge bath.

    • 37
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    justussteelApapopalconcretesledge_Jack9eight5DenymesanityHelloPasternaktaitutujudy_trtcar5094
    • 17
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    ApapopalOchy_ZacharyF6WOZ9ImprobableEddieshepshep7shwebby2__________kentgrossarthemsykay
  • CindyBegel
      Cindy Begel @CindyBegel

    Rick Perry ad: We allow gays in the military but don't let kids celebrate xmas in school. Newt ad: Allow kids in military & Perry is gay.

    • 51
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    NounGenderronyoungtweetsmumeeeeeTweetTheDudeImprobableEddieDumbConfessionsGoldenSpiralshadafewbeers
    • 2
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    GentlePathanheadlesseyes
@CindyBegel

@CindyBegel

TV sitcom writer. Send money and gum.