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  • CindyBegel
      Cindy Begel @CindyBegel

    Judge Judy rushed to the hospital today with nausea, after hearing the one millionth guy say, "I thought she bought me the car as a gift."

    • 293
    • FAVS
    aimlessamersstarwarsshirtMultitudes8ExitThaWarriorTeowulfrepressprepresskcMcCowgirlSteampunk_Skunk
    • 333
    • RETWEETS
    LilWahineGidgetBrainFumblesEnchantedCshelmstluvstrinketsAlfredaSaysEfitXoolunEliHansenMusicWhervrIMayRoam
    LaSpanglishFly____
  • CindyBegel
      Cindy Begel @CindyBegel

    Sometimes when my cat is sitting on a chair, I sneak up, shake the chair hard, yelling, "EARTHQUAKE!" Sadly, like many, she's not prepared

    • 317
    • FAVS
    aKhalifa101Shitler45starwarsshirtMultitudes8repressprepressALF_from_TVkeyboredestkcMcCowgirl
    • 146
    • RETWEETS
    Shitler45kcMcCowgirltaitutuLilWahineGidgetBrainFumblesXoolunCatfishGoneWildLizzieEMB
  • CindyBegel
      Cindy Begel @CindyBegel

    BF wants to set a trap for the mouse that just ran by. I wanna cut a hole in the wall & put mice-sized furniture for him & his family.

    • 268
    • FAVS
    LorieGZstarwarsshirtMultitudes8TeowulfrepressprepresskcMcCowgirlSteampunk_SkunkLilWahineGidget
    • 77
    • RETWEETS
    Kbug624BrainFumblesmstluvstrinketsjustussteelconcretesledge_Ohaiqtpiebenittto10Favstar250
    lloydrang
  • CindyBegel
      Cindy Begel @CindyBegel

    Omg, there is a big big black bug crawling around on my desk. Don't worry, I'd be just as scared if it were a big white bug.

    • 240
    • FAVS
    aKhalifa101LorieGZBlindVigilstarwarsshirtMultitudes8TeowulfrepressprepresskcMcCowgirl
    • 68
    • RETWEETS
    BlindVigilMultitudes8LilWahineGidgetKbug624BrainFumblesmotrboatrjustussteelStewyDaB
  • CindyBegel
      Cindy Begel @CindyBegel

    If you dance like no one's watching you, you will never get laid.

    • 202
    • FAVS
    aKhalifa101starwarsshirtMultitudes8repressprepressALF_from_TVMeganKahanyshynbrooksliz1013kcMcCowgirl
    • 84
    • RETWEETS
    adrianyookcMcCowgirlmutedclamorLilWahineGidgetprashenGrrrRachKbug624Gryffindor14
    rossbransonSupersurlyfemin9LazerPunch
  • CindyBegel
      Cindy Begel @CindyBegel

    It's weird, but a lot of people in my dreams wave at me like they know me.

    • 152
    • FAVS
    aKhalifa101Multitudes8TeowulfTLent88567repressprepressALF_from_TVJesKeepSwimmingkcMcCowgirl
    • 45
    • RETWEETS
    eerie_zeekcMcCowgirlXoolunedwardsnathnsundressed__karaitisvoiceanarchicwolfparhwy
  • CindyBegel
      Cindy Begel @CindyBegel

    Just found out they're using Dick Cheney's old heart to freeze warts off people who can't afford health insurance.

    • 137
    • FAVS
    aKhalifa101Multitudes8ALF_from_TVJesKeepSwimmingkcMcCowgirlSteampunk_SkunkLilWahineGidgetKbug624
    • 42
    • RETWEETS
    kcMcCowgirlXoolunerrdayhustlahkaraitisvoiceanarchicwolfmumeeeeeparhwyyurdoor
  • CindyBegel
      Cindy Begel @CindyBegel

    North Carolina bans gay marriage.They prefer fave son John Edward's style marriage of impregnating gf behind cancer stricken wife's back.

    • 119
    • FAVS
    Multitudes8kcMcCowgirlSteampunk_SkunkLilWahineGidgetHumor_Fetishconcretesledge_XoolunEliHansenMusic
    • 36
    • RETWEETS
    noneofyours99concretesledge_MrCrash2UXoolunmumeeeeefavstar1000favsgirlkeikoQuirkyPickle
  • CindyBegel
      Cindy Begel @CindyBegel

    I hate waking up in the pitch dark & frantically looking around for a tiny sliver of light, so I know I didn't suddenly go blind.

    • 117
    • FAVS
    Multitudes8TeowulfkcMcCowgirlLilWahineGidgetjustussteelconcretesledge_WorstUFOHunterXoolun
    • 32
    • RETWEETS
    Multitudes8XoolunLizzieEMBRubiGHerreraSickayduhTweetTheDudeMithiChy06WheelTod
  • CindyBegel
      Cindy Begel @CindyBegel

    Nowadays kids are named Blue & dogs are named Steve. So kids have dog names & dogs have kid names. But politicians are still Dicks.

    • 87
    • FAVS
    Multitudes8repressprepressSteampunk_SkunkLilWahineGidgetBresnickJanineAk2oidHumor_FetishFitFadFan
    • 20
    • RETWEETS
    Ak2oidlorac22allenstephen2421concretesledge_CatfishGoneWildparhwyashlar36Not_Your_Mommy
  • CindyBegel
      Cindy Begel @CindyBegel

    Whenever someone tweets, "Pay $12 & get a 1000 followers!" I unfollow & replace them with 1000 funny people.

    • 93
    • FAVS
    Multitudes8Steampunk_SkunkLilWahineGidgetMitchoacanBrookeTuzilconcretesledge_WorstUFOHunterallthingspoetic
    • 11
    • RETWEETS
    XoolunCatfishGoneWildLizzieEMBanarchicwolfparhwyslopoke1000Awk0TacooMCaparco__
  • CindyBegel
      Cindy Begel @CindyBegel

    WTF?! Prez Obama signed a bill that horse meat is now for human consumption?! I would eat a stock broker burger before eating a horse.

    • 86
    • FAVS
    Multitudes8Steampunk_SkunkLilWahineGidgetconcretesledge_CatfishGoneWildronyoungtweetsmumeeeeeparhwy
    • 16
    • RETWEETS
    parhwyslopoke1000nakedlaughingChryssimissyMCaparco__DranoRaul57thStateTweetrFavstar500Favs
  • CindyBegel
      Cindy Begel @CindyBegel

    When Michael Phelps wakes up in the AM, he'll realize it was all a dream & he's really a dentist in Peoria who occasionally wins at Bingo.

    • 74
    • FAVS
    starwarsshirtMultitudes8LilWahineGidgetconcretesledge_EliHansenMusicedwardsnathnCatfishGoneWildronyoungtweets
    • 15
    • RETWEETS
    parhwyslopoke1000Favstar500FavsAwk0TacooBredwhSceniclegeraldineaugustJay1972Jay
  • CindyBegel
      Cindy Begel @CindyBegel

    One rule I learned real fast on favstar. NEVER uses lol. It garners the same writers' disdain as "Just kidding!" used to get.

    • 80
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    starwarsshirtMultitudes8LilWahineGidgetMitchoacanconcretesledge_EliHansenMusicCatfishGoneWildronyoungtweets
    • 5
    • RETWEETS
    anarchicwolfparhwyFavstar500FavsGentlePathanEl_nacho_Nigre
  • CindyBegel
      Cindy Begel @CindyBegel

    Hobby Lobby are hypocrites.Refuse to pay for birth control yet invest in companies that make it. AND their stores don't even have a lobby.

    • 52
    • FAVS
    nesauKrisIsInBlightymichaeljdawsonjakeroudabushNickisSlick93PinkkBatmanhutzieNateZR2rest
    • 21
    • RETWEETS
    PinkkBatmanhutziecarlyforrniainfinityonlara__danjan13HeathenDocLaneyKnitWitchNotDannyAcosta
  • CindyBegel
      Cindy Begel @CindyBegel

    #ThingsThatScareDemocrats When insane Republican families look like this bunch: pic.twitter.com/V0JQVy9JA1

    • 48
    • FAVS
    aKhalifa101EliHansenMusicCatfishGoneWildronyoungtweetsmumeeeeeImprobableEddieDumbConfessionsWhosTheresa
    • 23
    • RETWEETS
    MmphisAstrologyMiahTaylor10ethanraeNJLobsterGatorQuakeof68GOPeeOnAmericaMaggieMiracleHusjojola
  • CindyBegel
      Cindy Begel @CindyBegel

    If they want to be my friend, I take them out for Indian food. If they pick all the paneer out of the spinach for themselves, it's a no.

    • 66
    • FAVS
    Multitudes8LilWahineGidgetCatfishGoneWildronyoungtweetsmumeeeeeTweetTheDudeImprobableEddieDumbConfessions
    • 6
    • RETWEETS
    Favstar500Favsnonster7MCaparco__BeccaADeckatyrantasorusAspersioncast
    Aspersioncast
  • CindyBegel
      Cindy Begel @CindyBegel

    How many hookers in Japan are named Pearl Harbor? They're all 83 now.

    • 65
    • FAVS
    Multitudes8LilWahineGidgetjustussteelconcretesledge_CatfishGoneWildronyoungtweetsnowarrantyTweetTheDude
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    Favstar500FavsMCaparco__Mr_KapowskiCanadianMclovin
  • CindyBegel
      Cindy Begel @CindyBegel

    Army of ants in kitchen! My bf told me to draw a chalk line that they won't cross. Then my ants' boyfriends told THEM about the chalk.

    • 60
    • FAVS
    Multitudes8LilWahineGidgetconcretesledge_CatfishGoneWildronyoungtweetsmumeeeeeMisfitEngag3parhwy
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    parhwy23_LiesGentlePathan
  • CindyBegel
      Cindy Begel @CindyBegel

    Whenever people wait impatiently for my parking spot by staring at me -- I whip out a wash cloth & start giving myself a sponge bath.

    • 40
    • FAVS
    starwarsshirtMultitudes8LilWahineGidgetjustussteelApapopalconcretesledge_Jack9eight5Denymesanity
    • 17
    • RETWEETS
    ApapopalOchy_Zacharyf6woz9__ImprobableEddieshepshep7shwebby2__________kentgrossarthemsykay
@CindyBegel

@CindyBegel

TV sitcom writer. In case you want to buy me something: I need cute bone colored shoes. Two more placemats. Or chip in for Paris trip. Thanks.