@hippieproblemz .5 seconds isn't long enough. Get yourself a pup. pic.twitter.com/9VRqDaL9

Happiness is the only thing that matters in this fucking world. If you find it, hold on to it. If someone else finds it, don't take it away.

I love following stoner girls. @hippieproblemz @weedgetalong @raverestrepeat @the_high_life @hannahbis_ They give me hope.

White people are always down for a dance that doesn't require rhythm. #HarlemShake

#FictionalDeathsIWillNeverGetOver
G-Baby #hardball

Hey girl, how much you wanna bet that my penis fits right in between those tittays? #BallsyPickUpLine

#ThatUsedToBeMyMyspaceSong "lips of an angel" by Hinder

Oh you're tired of me complaining about this god awful heat? Please go on & tell me about your failed relationships. #Cunts #GoFuckYourself

My life motto: "Doesn't matter; had sex"

You can buy happiness. It's $20/gram.

If internet porn gets banned, I quit.

Adventure Time takes up way too much of my schedule for me to consider myself "useful". #High

"I'm a hippie"
Oh really what kind of music do you listen to?
"Dubstep!!"
Go fuck yourself.

I'm never drinking again...not counting tonight

Give a girl love and she wants money; give a girl money and she wants love.

#GrandTheftAutoMemories getting a semi when you were banging a hooker. That shit was awesome in middle school.

If you're feeling down just take a breath and remember that @therock is the WWE Champion. Nothing else matters.

Ermahgerd Derbsterp!!!

Fuck you, yellow popsicles that aren't banana flavored.

But Obama...what if I want to shoot a whole bunch of shit at one time? #RedneckWhines