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In a recent survey into blowjobs and why men liked them 6% said the feeling, 12% the excitement and 82% just liked the fucking silence
She says: I see us growing old together
He hears: I'm gonna stalk you till you marry me.
When you tell me I'm one crazy bitch, I smile because trust me, I got that memo a long time ago...
Going to go cook dinner because apparently by law I have to feed my kids everyday.
can only hope someday that all these kids will be 'grown' enough to move the hell out, then again, who'd get my Pop while I'm on twitter?
Him: "Wanna here a story about my dick? Never mind, its to long." Her: "Wanna here a joke about my vagina? Never mind, you wont get it."
Found out today that you urinate on a jellyfish sting, NOT a jelly stain. Sorry, strange lady at the Waffle House. Just trying to help...
If you ever get caught sleeping on the job... slowly raise your head and say "In Jesus Christ, amen".
Sometimes I think the best thing about being a mom is what I got to do to become one.
It should be legal to have your kids stay in the shed... even if just for a day...
4 yo has been brushing her teeth for the past 10 minutes, don't know if I should be proud she is taking such care or worried she has my OCD
Sorry guys, this is the cloosest I will ever come to showing tits in my AVI.... Am I doing it right?
My kids love to torture me... For example: I'm terrified of clowns, guess what they're all gonna be when they grow up...=o(
Late night on twitter is like last call at the bar... Most everyone is drunk, horny and looking for the after party...
Hey, how ya doing?.. Wait I don't give a shyt how your doing. What do you think this is, fucking facebook? Fucking idiot, go kill yourself.
Every night before bed I do a silly lil sexy dance so that if God is indeed "watching me" I can at least entertain him.
Note to self: ALWAYS wash you hands BEFORE going to the bathroom when eating buffalo wings...
I am an ADHD, OCD Bipolor bitch,that no longer gives a fuck, married to @SardonicAnthony, mother of six (+1) kids... yes that makes 7.
