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silly boys always think Im playing until I pull out the roll of duct tape
as I dance around naked singing show tunes, I cant help but think the grocery store is not the most appropriate place for this behavior
I was just accused of hating women! Thats a lie.. As long as theyre naked and silent i think theyre great
Some women would make great trophy wives... Stuffed and mounted above a fireplace
how far away from your house is close enough to be considered stalking because I am thinking here in your bed may be a bit much
I really dont know how men put up with bitches.. The only way i could be with a women long term is if that chic comes with a mute button
To everyone out shopping today acting all cheery and shit..Can you tone it down a notch?The rest of us are concentrating on being miserable
If i scream "oh god" on a Sunday, does that count as being religious
I know you are thinking about me right now... go for it, but make it a fun thought damn it!
Ill let you whip me if i misbehave tonight;)
Its funny how you assume you know anything about me from stupid ass tweets
this is starting out as one of those mornings that should just be held under water and smothered until tomorrow comes
My sister just called me to tell me she just got to her house and found dog shit everywhere. She does not own a dog lol
just read a tweet about a chic gettin turned on by eating noodles, bitch if a noodle gets you off, the wrong things are goin in your mouth!
Apparently according to multiple fuckwads Im only allowed to tweet funny or sexual shit.. I have two words today dickless wonder.. Fuck off!
Making people cry always puts me in a better mood.. Is that Wrong? Perhaps.. but its not likely i care
some people should be kept hidden under the stairs with their mouths duct taped closed so they cant scream for help.
My oldest was standing next to me and read my last tweet. She is now laughing hysterically and says im perfectly insane not just perfect lol
Thank you auto correct for turning a perfectly dirty text into a damn message about puppys!
also discovered my friends are assholes! while I was in the shower this fool ate all my bagels and is refusing to go get me more..SMH
Im that crazy chic standin at the end of your bed, watchin you as you sleep dont lie you know you like it;) if theres anything else you must know, just ask