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Baseball ain’t borin’. You are. Merica.
This year, I'm takin' candy from kids who have the most, to give to the kids too lazy to trick-or-treat themselves. Happy Obamaween. Merica.
If you plant a pumpkin spice latte in the ground, water it with vodka, and play country music around it, a sorority house will grow. Merica.
Breaking News: Chuck Norris was infected with the Ebola virus. The virus died. Merica.
Some of you girls should be wifey for Halloween. Since some of y’all been hoes all year. Merica.
When Bush was President:
- No Ebola
- No ISIS
- 20 million fewer on food stamps
- Miley was still Hannah Montana
Taylor Swift is about as country as unsweet tea. Merica.
Plot twist: The Walkin' Dead actually takes place after Ebola has spread across the country. Merica.
Male model. Lost every fight I've ever been in. Born to lose. Merica.