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Fellas, your son will grow up to be like you. And your daughter will grow up to marry a man like you. Make that a good thing. Merica.
You're not fat because obesity runs in your family. You're fat because nobody runs in your family. Merica.
If you say that "Bush did 9/11," there's a 1776% chance that I want to punch you in the throat. Merica.
I was gonna complain about Monday then I remembered I ain't in a hospital bed, or in Sandyland gettin' shot at. Salute the troops. Merica.
Sometimes the nicest people you meet are covered in tattoos & sometimes the most judgmental people you meet go to church on Sundays. Merica.
Was doin' taxes and it asked me if I had any dependents, so I listed 4 million illegal immigrants and 6 million people on welfare. Merica.
Be the type of person that when your feet hit the floor in the mornin', the Devil says, "Oh crap, they're up." Merica.
At 18 you can serve your country, vote for a President, get sent to prison, and live on your own. But you can't buy a frickin' beer? Merica.
Girls who love America ain’t weird. They’re a rare gift from God. Those girls get bigger diamonds. Merica.
Male model. Lost every fight I've ever been in. Born to lose. Merica.
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