Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Stop trying to read into my daddy issues
I've been praying for patience and believe-you-me, it can NOT come fast enough!!!
Your lIfe's not complete until you have kids & it's over when you do.
Btw ur attractive
If someone doesn't refer to me as "thunder muscles" during a speech at my funeral then my entire life is garbage
*sits back, lights a blunt, waits*
Yeah, I know. You got caught. I'll be right here waiting for my thank you.
I love oral so I don't have to be good at tweeting or show up on time.
I'm that Mom who hates clutter and breaks heads off dolls and game controllers while my kids scream NO MOMMY DON'T DO IT!!
What Freud wore under his skirt when he cross dressed on weekends.
Nice goatee, former and future felons
You might think Satan's license plate would say something like "666" or "DARK L0RD" but doesn't. It says "MTN DEW"
Yoga pants are just sweat pants that drink non-fat lattes.
I'm not really sure...
How I'm not someone's girlfriend
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.
MY ANACONDA DON'T. MY ANACONDA DON'T. MY ANACONDA DON'T WANT NONE 'CAUSE I'VE GOT LOW-T HUN.
It's only taken my four years, but I finally figured it out: You need to be wasted, insane, or terrifyingly lonely to enjoy twitter.
I last brushed my shitty poop unit in April. Smile.
I don't play when the deck is stacked.
I have both faith and an understanding of human nature so I KNOW chaos will ensue.
lf you can only be good at one thing, be good at cheating....because if you're good at cheating, you're good at everything.