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Sorry, I don't do drama. I give a decent rendering of a cold heartless bitch, though.
If you ever need to lose 10 pounds in 4 hours, just drink 52 oz. of coffee in 3 hours.
Twitter users are not representative of the public
oh honey, your weekend was not the "craziest" and your girls are not the "best." go back to bed.
So Carol, for the $50k grand prize, which should you do? Fall in love or throw yourself down a flight of stairs into the fiery pits of hell?
Did Uncle Jesse and Joey even help Danny out with rent?
omg u guys its foot tattoo season no more blind guessing if she does anal
In case you were on the fence about not seeing the next Transformers movie, Steve Jablonsky is scoring the movie with Imagine Dragons.
Can I just have a boyfriend that's made out of pizza? I would be ok with that.... Fat, but happy.
I may not always say the right thing but when I do I'm fucken loud.
Dangerious would be a killer name for a black kid.
I just want to look into your eyes, hold your hand and write horrible things on people's Facebook Walls together.
i'm surprisingly chipper this morning. not sure how to handle this.
Her: "Baby, did you pick up more anal lube?"
*looks at Toaster Strudel box*
So apparently, the road less travelled is not related to the road with more potholes.
My silence doesn't mean that I agree. It simply means that I don't want to waste my time arguing with stupid people.
My daughter say she'll send me a friend request on f.book the day I start acting like an adult and stop telling dick jokes. Kids these days.
You're not white unless you have a cause you pretend to care about.
Ice cream trucks never come to my office. :(
Cop: Going awful fast back there.
Me: *licks lips* Was I?
Me: *rubs thigh* You sure?
Me: *unbuttons shirt*
Cop: Get out.
lf you can only be good at one thing, be good at cheating....because if you're good at cheating, you're good at everything.