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  • CoatCzech
      Steve Svehla @CoatCzech

    "Ramen". - Scooby Doo, finishing a prayer

    • 689
    • FAVS
    brittajohannaunderyourbed666deutschheutespiraled_awayenigmaticmessISaidDontmonicamnm1717R1CC1K
    • 376
    • RETWEETS
    underyourbed666spiraled_awaymo_murrTeagy63GargoylePhanVILLHAVERSuitableHolmeszombie_science
    vaporcoffinKim_pulsiveUluwatuSiapCoy0teUgly________HeyitsLoristacetoned
  • CoatCzech
      Steve Svehla @CoatCzech

    I can’t figure out if this is my 2 year old daughter’s dress or one of my wife’s shirts. One of them is a slut though. That’s for sure.

    • 775
    • FAVS
    spiraled_awayISaidDontAmandasNotFunnyKateWhineHallloribuckmajortheknacketteiwearaonesieOhgoddessitsme
    • 207
    • RETWEETS
    spiraled_awaywmyspriwearaonesiethistletat13420hipchickinsdGreGooglyMooglybakedbrotatoesSarcasticsapien
    ezeddalyJordyHamrick______Marty3point0______TheAdlyispypandaKim_pulsiveSortaBadHadzillaCherhole__________FreeDriftwoodSeanInCypress
  • CoatCzech
      Steve Svehla @CoatCzech

    Why do kids' birthday parties need a theme? How about - congrats on ruining your parents’ lives and have some cake, you ungrateful fuck?

    • 787
    • FAVS
    deutschheutespiraled_awayAmandasNotFunnyKateWhineHalliwearaonesiethistletat13KittenWrittenYYZJJ
    • 180
    • RETWEETS
    spiraled_awaythistletat13YYZJJJazzy_USoCrazyBusyChasingNickTrueTorontoGirlTlaxBoy05Space_Dreams
    thevillageid10tTheManimal18HappyHourJack24_7jokes________
  • CoatCzech
      Steve Svehla @CoatCzech

    “Use divorce, Luke.” – Obi Wan, marriage counselor

    • 679
    • FAVS
    deutschheutespiraled_awayGarrettCakeAmandasNotFunnyhaylie_petersgypsyklineKateWhineHallSoLongStephen
    • 219
    • RETWEETS
    spiraled_awayjgamericanKateWhineHallMushyMelbowHeadthistletat13Forever420inbakedbrotatoesLuc_Lion
    raydevitolaurahapper______livingnBostonFreeDriftwood
  • CoatCzech
      Steve Svehla @CoatCzech

    Your sign says “God Bless America” but I bet you really mean “I hate Mexicans and black people”.

    • 635
    • FAVS
    CelsoPiazziThe_Dorkster______fyzzgiggidyPrincess_VespaskepanieNateIsntFunny__AmandasNotFunnythistletat13
    • 167
    • RETWEETS
    hearsegirlPrincess_VespaAmandasNotFunnythistletat13LousyBastard4wards1RummyLaudedgodblessniggahs__
    livingnBostonhaurdCiderinmynewskin
  • CoatCzech
      Steve Svehla @CoatCzech

    Hey white people born in America, you already won the lottery.

    • 367
    • FAVS
    CelsoPiazziAmandasNotFunnyStephenBCramerthistletat13TrueTorontoGirlJumpOnMyTutuARobustLoofahMilkshakeAnyone__
    • 420
    • RETWEETS
    TlaxBoy05JHale42livypivAwesoFreddywannnnnDClams6waylandwestK3WT13_P13
    FreeDriftwoodtres_routes
  • CoatCzech
      Steve Svehla @CoatCzech

    The longer you leave me unattended in the doctor's office, the more of these tongue depressers I can lick and put back in the jar.

    • 525
    • FAVS
    spiraled_awayAmandasNotFunnymic28mooTw1tter_K1tteniwearaonesieOhaiqtpieStephenBCramerAryan8313
    • 103
    • RETWEETS
    spiraled_awaymic28mooiwearaonesiethistletat13tonofshellCh3xican_Holly_BPemberton1988
    elleyeah8________
  • CoatCzech
      Steve Svehla @CoatCzech

    My wife is one of those people who can read five books at the same time but I can barely finish the one I'm coloring.

    • 435
    • FAVS
    spiraled_awaySus_RaqThe_Dorkster______AmandasNotFunnyTomTheFoolTiwearaonesieStephenBCramerthistletat13
    • 178
    • RETWEETS
    spiraled_awaybellyndadeLunaCelsoPiazziAmandasNotFunnyiwearaonesiesexydad22JustaPaladincoepilot
    lvvzzslyoung5
  • CoatCzech
      Steve Svehla @CoatCzech

    To celebrate the 4th, I’m gonna borrow money from my Chinese friends and beat up some Middle Easterners for reasons I don’t understand.

    • 451
    • FAVS
    williamwantonAmandasNotFunnyStephenBCramerMc_Whiskersthistletat13ARobustLoofahthedayofthedotnayele18__________
    • 127
    • RETWEETS
    AmandasNotFunnyMc_Whiskersthistletat13e_hillmonnivswhatitis112dadramseyAglaea_
    domesticHwheatnikvaporcoffinTrainedHedonistCoy0teUgly________HerPinkRibbonsKyle_LippertBeerBatterBeardStellacopterWyLdAnIcAsenderblock23TheNardvark
  • CoatCzech
      Steve Svehla @CoatCzech

    50,000 stars. If my grandpa were alive, he'd say, “Why are you collecting stars? Are you gay? Edna, I was right about gay boy over here”.

    • 481
    • FAVS
    AmandasNotFunnyjeremie_17thshebleedswordsShawnDuBoisArtOtter_66vonTraphausWhiteNoize69DetroitBlonde
    • 62
    • RETWEETS
    orangechickinleechee420CynicalLongkatjustme_DebbiBlairLoudlynethernotethis_is_lyss__violet_heartin
    iwearpajamas______ChristinaStuff
  • CoatCzech
      Steve Svehla @CoatCzech

    Please don't start calling me 'hero' but this lady collapsed at the grocery store and I was the first one to call for a clean up in Aisle 3.

    • 454
    • FAVS
    spiraled_awayAmandasNotFunnythistletat13missingblakesGoldieGoldbergSomerMcaroline_umcfletchworld73
    • 65
    • RETWEETS
    spiraled_awaythistletat13LindaInDisguiseDylanTPoeHelloimBecVN_RubenARobustLoofahJHale42
    ayyhluscuARobustLoofahExcapeplanUnicornSyrupMrBrown_Eye__________
  • CoatCzech
      Steve Svehla @CoatCzech

    Hey people smarter than me on Twitter, stop making me Google shit.

    • 420
    • FAVS
    spiraled_awayAmandasNotFunny_PBody__DonnaTopping1thistletat13ARobustLoofahlollymac1947TlaxBoy05
    • 70
    • RETWEETS
    spiraled_awaynyckate16thistletat13lollymac1947TlaxBoy05charlzerorandyswife0531Lisa_Laughs_
    MimiMM_
  • CoatCzech
      Steve Svehla @CoatCzech

    I like to knock on random doors and say, “Hi, my name is Current Resident and I understand you're the bastard that's been opening my mail.”

    • 400
    • FAVS
    spiraled_awaythistletat13jefftminstonJumpOnMyTutuManginaMcCoolDonSchankehaleymbryantedgiestcorner
    • 87
    • RETWEETS
    spiraled_awayDonSchankeShesSoOffbeatbarrymackcomedyIncognitah_JohnLyonTweets2thestreetz__catcerveny
    Grammmer
  • CoatCzech
      Steve Svehla @CoatCzech

    Let’s recap. Using a puppy to pick up girls – good. Using a baby – even better. Babies in a stagecoach pulled by puppies – too far

    • 409
    • FAVS
    justsomedishAmandasNotFunnythistletat13ARobustLoofahJHale42DonSchankethedayofthedotAaronProfumo
    • 65
    • RETWEETS
    thistletat13JHale42SirAaronDanielcynicuhlJohnLyonTweetsCheers_Fuckfaceohwrigley________MudvilleOutlook
    iwearpajamas______OneLinersPlus
  • CoatCzech
      Steve Svehla @CoatCzech

    That's weird. I just bought the "Best of Limp Bizkit" CD and it's blank.

    • 343
    • FAVS
    spiraled_awaythistletat13ManginaMcCooltrvrplkMarioTardedsteve_condrathedayofthedotnayele18__________
    • 94
    • RETWEETS
    spiraled_awayMarioTardedanbayanyayDonSchankeAwesoFredIayIaPatBlackiezapmyass
    rufus_lipschitz
  • CoatCzech
      Steve Svehla @CoatCzech

    Uh, no thanks, bartender. Real men don’t use straws in their Shirley Temples.

    • 370
    • FAVS
    spiraled_awayNo_YoureAMessTimboHeinmetsAmandasNotFunnyJimCooprthistletat13JumpOnMyTutuARobustLoofah
    • 61
    • RETWEETS
    spiraled_awayAmandasNotFunnythistletat13u_jellicentigottiamantpopsicle_suckerCobaltKitsuneTheDanielleRock
    meganshpettit
  • CoatCzech
      Steve Svehla @CoatCzech

    “I’m so hungry, I could eat my wife.” – Matthew Broderick

    • 362
    • FAVS
    AmandasNotFunnyWallStreetWeed____JimCooprsarcasmforallthistletat13ManginaMcCoolDonSchankesteve_condra
    • 51
    • RETWEETS
    thistletat13notsleeepingDonSchankeAwesoFredzapmyassserialmatrixlivingnBostonNajmaSky25
    ToneLoafCherhole__________HadzillaTheUnseenMe______
  • CoatCzech
      Steve Svehla @CoatCzech

    My son has two HotWheel cars, one behind the other, and is yelling, “Go, dumbass!” If I don’t win Father of the Year, I quit.

    • 361
    • FAVS
    spiraled_awayradtoriaPrincess_VespacrowstlyAmandasNotFunnyJimCooprsarcasmforallthistletat13
    • 44
    • RETWEETS
    spiraled_awayNo_YoureAMessAmandasNotFunnyHousewifeSavantthistletat13JHale42sarahm8706DranoRaul
    trialfemmeawkwrdlywrded____
  • CoatCzech
      Steve Svehla @CoatCzech

    Man, I thought my tweet was pretty good but when you added the "Ha! RT:" in front of it, YOU put it over the top. Thanks, bro.

    • 334
    • FAVS
    TheRandySutraAmandasNotFunnythistletat13JumpOnMyTutuARobustLoofahManginaMcCoolJohnLyonTweetsthedayofthedot
    • 52
    • RETWEETS
    AmandasNotFunnythistletat13AwesoFredLisa_Laughs_herkyjerkyClakeBentbittyditty1inmynewskin
    scratchysinghazbadowheatnikTrainedHedonistthevillageid10t
  • CoatCzech
      Steve Svehla @CoatCzech

    You guys, it may be the beer talking but OH MY GOD THE BEER IS TALKING. SHUT UP, BEER. I’M TRYING TO TALK TO THE SOFA.

    • 336
    • FAVS
    AmandasNotFunnyAryan8313thistletat13ARobustLoofahTlaxBoy05ManginaMcCoolthedayofthedotnayele18__________
    • 46
    • RETWEETS
    thistletat13TlaxBoy05YimsterFifelexipadenkitchucklesHannahAnticsboobmunchersazzytatty
    HannahAnticsinmynewskin
@CoatCzech

@CoatCzech

Is the piano a string instrument or a percussion instrument? The surprising answer - no one gives a crap.