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  • CoatCzech
      Steve Svehla @CoatCzech

    "Ramen". - Scooby Doo, finishing a prayer

    • 685
    • FAVS
    enigmaticmessISaidDontmonicamnm1717R1CC1Kfuzzlimesimonchollandjmg707dummysickle
    • 373
    • RETWEETS
    mo_murrTeagy63GargoylePhanVILLHAVERSuitableHolmeszombie_science_TayTayJustineBLSinger4REAL
    vaporcoffinKim_pulsiveUluwatuSiapCoy0teUgly________HeyitsLoristacetoned
  • CoatCzech
      Steve Svehla @CoatCzech

    I can’t figure out if this is my 2 year old daughter’s dress or one of my wife’s shirts. One of them is a slut though. That’s for sure.

    • 774
    • FAVS
    ISaidDontAmandasNotFunnyKateWhineHallloribuckmajortheknacketteiwearaonesieOhgoddessitsmecpsemple
    • 206
    • RETWEETS
    wmyspriwearaonesiethistletat13420hipchickinsdGreGooglyMooglybakedbrotatoesSarcasticsapienblack__Z3r0
    ezeddalyJordyHamrick______Marty3point0______TheAdlyispypandaKim_pulsiveSortaBadHadzillaCherhole__________FreeDriftwoodSeanINCypress
  • CoatCzech
      Steve Svehla @CoatCzech

    Why do kids' birthday parties need a theme? How about - congrats on ruining your parents’ lives and have some cake, you ungrateful fuck?

    • 785
    • FAVS
    AmandasNotFunnyKateWhineHalliwearaonesiethistletat13KittenWrittenYYZJJDonnie_Fairburnseanerie1
    • 179
    • RETWEETS
    thistletat13YYZJJJazzy_USoCrazyBusyChasingNickTrueTorontoGirlTlaxBoy05Space_Dreamsprimawesome
    thevillageid10tTheManimal18HappyHourJack24_7jokes________
  • CoatCzech
      Steve Svehla @CoatCzech

    “Use divorce, Luke.” – Obi Wan, marriage counselor

    • 677
    • FAVS
    GarrettCakeAmandasNotFunnyhaylie_petersgypsyklineKateWhineHallSoLongStephenthistletat13TrueTorontoGirl
    • 218
    • RETWEETS
    jgamericanKateWhineHallMushyMelbowHeadthistletat13Forever420inbakedbrotatoesLuc_LionARobustLoofah
    raydevitolaurahapper______livingnBostonFreeDriftwood
  • CoatCzech
      Steve Svehla @CoatCzech

    Your sign says “God Bless America” but I bet you really mean “I hate Mexicans and black people”.

    • 635
    • FAVS
    CelsoPiazziThe_Dorkster______fyzzgiggidyPrincess_VespaskepanieNateIsntFunny__AmandasNotFunnythistletat13
    • 167
    • RETWEETS
    hearsegirlPrincess_VespaAmandasNotFunnythistletat13LousyBastard4wards1RummyLaudedgodblessniggahs__
    livingnBostonhaurdCiderinmynewskin
  • CoatCzech
      Steve Svehla @CoatCzech

    Hey white people born in America, you already won the lottery.

    • 367
    • FAVS
    CelsoPiazziAmandasNotFunnyStephenBCramerthistletat13TrueTorontoGirlJumpOnMyTutuARobustLoofahMilkshakeAnyone__
    • 420
    • RETWEETS
    TlaxBoy05JHale42livypivAwesoFreddywannnnnDClams6waylandwestK3WT13_P13
    FreeDriftwoodtres_routes
  • CoatCzech
      Steve Svehla @CoatCzech

    The longer you leave me unattended in the doctor's office, the more of these tongue depressers I can lick and put back in the jar.

    • 524
    • FAVS
    AmandasNotFunnymic28mooTw1tter_K1tteniwearaonesieOhaiqtpieStephenBCramerAryan8313thistletat13
    • 102
    • RETWEETS
    mic28mooiwearaonesiethistletat13tonofshellCh3xican_Holly_BPemberton1988T_doubleU
    elleyeah8________
  • CoatCzech
      Steve Svehla @CoatCzech

    My wife is one of those people who can read five books at the same time but I can barely finish the one I'm coloring.

    • 434
    • FAVS
    Sus_RaqThe_Dorkster______AmandasNotFunnyTomTheFoolTiwearaonesieStephenBCramerthistletat13missingblakes
    • 177
    • RETWEETS
    bellyndadeLunaCelsoPiazziAmandasNotFunnyiwearaonesiesexydad22JustaPaladincoepilotRieMcAz
    lvvzzslyoung5
  • CoatCzech
      Steve Svehla @CoatCzech

    To celebrate the 4th, I’m gonna borrow money from my Chinese friends and beat up some Middle Easterners for reasons I don’t understand.

    • 451
    • FAVS
    williamwantonAmandasNotFunnyStephenBCramerMc_Whiskersthistletat13ARobustLoofahthedayofthedotnayele18__________
    • 127
    • RETWEETS
    AmandasNotFunnyMc_Whiskersthistletat13e_hillmonnivswhatitis112dadramseyAglaea_
    domesticHwheatnikvaporcoffinTrainedHedonistCoy0teUgly________HerPinkRibbonsKyle_LippertBeerBatterBeardStellacopterWyLdAnIcAsenderblock23TheNardvark
  • CoatCzech
      Steve Svehla @CoatCzech

    50,000 stars. If my grandpa were alive, he'd say, “Why are you collecting stars? Are you gay? Edna, I was right about gay boy over here”.

    • 481
    • FAVS
    AmandasNotFunnyjeremie_17thshebleedswordsShawnDuBoisArtOtter_66vonTraphausWhiteNoize69DetroitBlonde
    • 62
    • RETWEETS
    madds__leechee420CynicalLongkatjustme_DebbiBlairLoudlynethernotethis_is_lyss__violet_heartin
    iwearpajamas______ChristinaStuff
  • CoatCzech
      Steve Svehla @CoatCzech

    Please don't start calling me 'hero' but this lady collapsed at the grocery store and I was the first one to call for a clean up in Aisle 3.

    • 453
    • FAVS
    AmandasNotFunnythistletat13missingblakesGoldieGoldbergSomerMcaroline_umcfletchworld73Carmel_Coleman
    • 64
    • RETWEETS
    thistletat13LindaInDisguiseDylanTPoeHelloimBecVN_RubenARobustLoofahJHale42JohnLyonTweets
    ayyhluscuARobustLoofahExcapeplanUnicornSyrupMrBrown_Eye__________
  • CoatCzech
      Steve Svehla @CoatCzech

    Hey people smarter than me on Twitter, stop making me Google shit.

    • 419
    • FAVS
    AmandasNotFunny_PBody__DonnaTopping1thistletat13ARobustLoofahlollymac1947TlaxBoy05ManginaMcCool
    • 69
    • RETWEETS
    nyckate16thistletat13lollymac1947TlaxBoy05charlzerorandyswife0531Lisa_Laughs_MarcGabriel123
    MimiMM_
  • CoatCzech
      Steve Svehla @CoatCzech

    I like to knock on random doors and say, “Hi, my name is Current Resident and I understand you're the bastard that's been opening my mail.”

    • 399
    • FAVS
    thistletat13jefftminstonJumpOnMyTutuManginaMcCoolDonSchankehaleymbryantedgiestcornerlacybronze1
    • 86
    • RETWEETS
    DonSchankeShesSoOffbeatbarrymackcomedyIncognitah_JohnLyonTweets2thestreetz__catcervenysocialtwerk
    Grammmer
  • CoatCzech
      Steve Svehla @CoatCzech

    Let’s recap. Using a puppy to pick up girls – good. Using a baby – even better. Babies in a stagecoach pulled by puppies – too far

    • 409
    • FAVS
    justsomedishAmandasNotFunnythistletat13ARobustLoofahJHale42DonSchankethedayofthedotAaronProfumo
    • 65
    • RETWEETS
    thistletat13JHale42SirAaronDanielcynicuhlJohnLyonTweetsCheers_Fuckfaceohwrigley________MudvilleOutlook
    iwearpajamas______OneLinersPlus
  • CoatCzech
      Steve Svehla @CoatCzech

    That's weird. I just bought the "Best of Limp Bizkit" CD and it's blank.

    • 342
    • FAVS
    thistletat13ManginaMcCooltrvrplkMarioTardedsteve_condrathedayofthedotnayele18__________tnylgn
    • 93
    • RETWEETS
    MarioTardedanbayanyayDonSchankeAwesoFredIayIaPatBlackiezapmyasselephart2
    rufus_lipschitz
  • CoatCzech
      Steve Svehla @CoatCzech

    Uh, no thanks, bartender. Real men don’t use straws in their Shirley Temples.

    • 369
    • FAVS
    No_YoureAMessTimboHeinmetsAmandasNotFunnyJimCooprthistletat13JumpOnMyTutuARobustLoofahManginaMcCool
    • 60
    • RETWEETS
    AmandasNotFunnythistletat13u_jellicentigottiamantpopsicle_suckerCobaltKitsuneTheDanielleRockLippspa
    meganshpettit
  • CoatCzech
      Steve Svehla @CoatCzech

    “I’m so hungry, I could eat my wife.” – Matthew Broderick

    • 362
    • FAVS
    AmandasNotFunnyWallStreetWeed____JimCooprsarcasmforallthistletat13ManginaMcCoolDonSchankesteve_condra
    • 51
    • RETWEETS
    thistletat13notsleeepingDonSchankeAwesoFredzapmyassserialmatrixlivingnBostonNajmaSky25
    ToneLoafCherhole__________HadzillaTheUnseenMe______
  • CoatCzech
      Steve Svehla @CoatCzech

    My son has two HotWheel cars, one behind the other, and is yelling, “Go, dumbass!” If I don’t win Father of the Year, I quit.

    • 360
    • FAVS
    radtoriaPrincess_VespacrowstlyAmandasNotFunnyJimCooprsarcasmforallthistletat13JumpOnMyTutu
    • 43
    • RETWEETS
    No_YoureAMessAmandasNotFunnyHousewifeSavantthistletat13JHale42sarahm8706DranoRaullicensedtoverb____
    trialfemmeawkwrdlywrded____
  • CoatCzech
      Steve Svehla @CoatCzech

    Man, I thought my tweet was pretty good but when you added the "Ha! RT:" in front of it, YOU put it over the top. Thanks, bro.

    • 334
    • FAVS
    TheRandySutraAmandasNotFunnythistletat13JumpOnMyTutuARobustLoofahManginaMcCoolJohnLyonTweetsthedayofthedot
    • 52
    • RETWEETS
    AmandasNotFunnythistletat13AwesoFredLisa_Laughs_herkyjerkyClakeBentbittyditty1inmynewskin
    scratchysinghazbadowheatnikTrainedHedonistthevillageid10t
  • CoatCzech
      Steve Svehla @CoatCzech

    You guys, it may be the beer talking but OH MY GOD THE BEER IS TALKING. SHUT UP, BEER. I’M TRYING TO TALK TO THE SOFA.

    • 336
    • FAVS
    AmandasNotFunnyAryan8313thistletat13ARobustLoofahTlaxBoy05ManginaMcCoolthedayofthedotnayele18__________
    • 46
    • RETWEETS
    thistletat13TlaxBoy05YimsterFifelexipadenkitchucklesHannahAnticsboobmunchersazzytatty
    HannahAnticsinmynewskin
@CoatCzech

@CoatCzech

Is the piano a string instrument or a percussion instrument? The surprising answer - no one gives a crap.