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  • CoatCzech
      Steve Svehla @CoatCzech

    I can’t figure out if this is my 2 year old daughter’s dress or one of my wife’s shirts. One of them is a slut though. That’s for sure.

    • 768
    • FAVS
    Ohgoddessitsmecpsemplethistletat13TrueTorontoGirlThe_DorkstersiguessonriendoGreGooglyMooglyDannilynnA
    • 204
    • RETWEETS
    thistletat13420hipchickinsdGreGooglyMooglyBakedBrotatoesSarcasticsapienMrFukThatHurly_BurlyTlaxBoy05
    ezeddalyJordyHamrickMarty3point0______TheAdlyispypandaKim_pulsiveSortaBadHadzillaCherhole__________FreeDriftwoodSeanINCypress
  • CoatCzech
      Steve Svehla @CoatCzech

    Why do kids' birthday parties need a theme? How about - congrats on ruining your parents’ lives and have some cake, you ungrateful fuck?

    • 782
    • FAVS
    thistletat13KittenWrittenYYZJJDonnie_Fairburnseanerie1dizzyidjitJazzy_USoCrazycaitst
    • 179
    • RETWEETS
    thistletat13YYZJJJazzy_USoCrazyBusyChasingNickTrueTorontoGirlTlaxBoy05Space_Dreamsprimawesome
    thevillageid10tTheManimal18HappyHourJack24_7jokes________
  • CoatCzech
      Steve Svehla @CoatCzech

    “Use divorce, Luke.” – Obi Wan, marriage counselor

    • 672
    • FAVS
    SoLongStephenthistletat13TrueTorontoGirlmissingblakesjohnpooch7wescrawForever420inBakedBrotatoes
    • 216
    • RETWEETS
    MushyMelbowHeadthistletat13Forever420inBakedBrotatoesLuc_LionARobustLoofahbertcrawford______PablizzleWizzle
    raydevitolaurahapper______livingnBostonFreeDriftwood
  • CoatCzech
      Steve Svehla @CoatCzech

    Your sign says “God Bless America” but I bet you really mean “I hate Mexicans and black people”.

    • 628
    • FAVS
    thistletat13TrueTorontoGirljefftminstonJhonRulesJumpOnMyTutuARobustLoofahLousyBastardNicoleBofto
    • 164
    • RETWEETS
    thistletat13LousyBastard4wards1RummyLaudedgodblessniggahs__ladamataJimmyFoRealfanzybellz
    livingnBostonhaurdCiderinmynewskin
  • CoatCzech
      Steve Svehla @CoatCzech

    Hey white people born in America, you already won the lottery.

    • 365
    • FAVS
    StephenBCramerthistletat13TrueTorontoGirlJumpOnMyTutuARobustLoofahMilkshakeAnyone__TlaxBoy05JHale42
    • 420
    • RETWEETS
    TlaxBoy05JHale42livypivAwesoFreddywannnnnDClams6waylandwestK3WT13_P13
    FreeDriftwoodtres_routes
  • CoatCzech
      Steve Svehla @CoatCzech

    "Ramen". - Scooby Doo, finishing a prayer

    • 515
    • FAVS
    OhaiqtpieStephenBCramerseemagraywallBrief_KaseMyWhiteBikeVincentOliverthistletat13ChitownRam
    • 250
    • RETWEETS
    marco1475luizamircovichlyndsayhallwaylizardmcguiremodameisterTheJaseofSpadesMyWhiteBikethistletat13
    RitleySammichKim_pulsiveUluwatuSiapCoy0teUgly________HeyitsLoristacetoned
  • CoatCzech
      Steve Svehla @CoatCzech

    The longer you leave me unattended in the doctor's office, the more of these tongue depressers I can lick and put back in the jar.

    • 520
    • FAVS
    OhaiqtpieStephenBCramerpareshgawas2thistletat13jefftminstonJumpOnMyTutuARobustLoofahMilkshakeAnyone__
    • 100
    • RETWEETS
    thistletat13tonofshellCh3xican_Holly_BPemberton1988T_doubleUHeyitsLoriperhapssomeday
    elleyeah8________
  • CoatCzech
      Steve Svehla @CoatCzech

    My wife is one of those people who can read five books at the same time but I can barely finish the one I'm coloring.

    • 429
    • FAVS
    StephenBCramerthistletat13missingblakesGoldieGoldbergSomerMRieMcAzCelebYouTauntTweetyLKat
    • 173
    • RETWEETS
    sexydad22JustaPaladincoepilotRieMcAzLindaInDisguiseTlaxBoy05AvaGrace15BMWKing1
    lvvzzslyoung5
  • CoatCzech
      Steve Svehla @CoatCzech

    To celebrate the 4th, I’m gonna borrow money from my Chinese friends and beat up some Middle Easterners for reasons I don’t understand.

    • 449
    • FAVS
    StephenBCramerMc_Whiskersthistletat13ARobustLoofahthedayofthedotnayele18tnylgnselfuncontrol
    • 126
    • RETWEETS
    Mc_Whiskersthistletat13e_hillmonnivswhatitis112dadramseyAglaea_MoistPork
    domesticHwheatnikRitleySammichTrainedHedonistCoy0teUgly________HerPinkRibbonsKyle_LippertBeerBatterBeardStellaRtwotWyLdAnIcAsenderblock23TheNardvark
  • CoatCzech
      Steve Svehla @CoatCzech

    50,000 stars. If my grandpa were alive, he'd say, “Why are you collecting stars? Are you gay? Edna, I was right about gay boy over here”.

    • 480
    • FAVS
    jeremie_17thshebleedswordsShawnDuBoisArtOtter_66vonTraphausJulieKrueger7DetroitBlondeWhooley732
    • 62
    • RETWEETS
    madds__leechee420CynicalLongkatjustme_DebbiBlairLoudlynethernotethis_is_lyssviolet_heartin
    iwearpajamas______ChristinaStuff
  • CoatCzech
      Steve Svehla @CoatCzech

    Please don't start calling me 'hero' but this lady collapsed at the grocery store and I was the first one to call for a clean up in Aisle 3.

    • 452
    • FAVS
    thistletat13missingblakesGoldieGoldbergSomerMcaroline_umcfletchworld73Carmel_Colemanhashtagsoedgy
    • 64
    • RETWEETS
    thistletat13LindaInDisguiseDylanTPoeHelloimBecVN_RubenARobustLoofahJHale42JohnLyonTweets
    andreeahluscuARobustLoofahExcapeplanUnicornSyrupMrBrown_Eye__________
  • CoatCzech
      Steve Svehla @CoatCzech

    Hey people smarter than me on Twitter, stop making me Google shit.

    • 418
    • FAVS
    _PBody__DonnaTopping1thistletat13ARobustLoofahlollymac1947TlaxBoy05ManginaMcCoolthedayofthedot
    • 69
    • RETWEETS
    nyckate16thistletat13lollymac1947TlaxBoy05charlzerorandyswife0531Lisa_Laughs_MarcGabriel123
    MimiMM_
  • CoatCzech
      Steve Svehla @CoatCzech

    I like to knock on random doors and say, “Hi, my name is Current Resident and I understand you're the bastard that's been opening my mail.”

    • 399
    • FAVS
    thistletat13jefftminstonJumpOnMyTutuManginaMcCoolDonSchankehaleymbryantedgiestcornerlacybronze1
    • 86
    • RETWEETS
    DonSchankeShesSoOffbeatbarrymackcomedyIncognitah_JohnLyonTweets2thestreetzcatcervenysocialtwerk
    Grammmer
  • CoatCzech
      Steve Svehla @CoatCzech

    Let’s recap. Using a puppy to pick up girls – good. Using a baby – even better. Babies in a stagecoach pulled by puppies – too far

    • 407
    • FAVS
    thistletat13ARobustLoofahJHale42DonSchankethedayofthedotAaronProfumonayele18tnylgn
    • 65
    • RETWEETS
    thistletat13JHale42SirAaronDanielcynicuhlJohnLyonTweetsCheers_Fuckfaceohwrigley________MudvilleOutlook
    iwearpajamas______OneLinersPlus
  • CoatCzech
      Steve Svehla @CoatCzech

    That's weird. I just bought the "Best of Limp Bizkit" CD and it's blank.

    • 342
    • FAVS
    thistletat13ManginaMcCooltrvrplkMarioTardedsteve_condrathedayofthedotnayele18tnylgn
    • 93
    • RETWEETS
    MarioTardedanbayanyayDonSchankeAwesoFredIayIaPatBlackiezapmyasscarnivalcourt
    rufus_lipschitz
  • CoatCzech
      Steve Svehla @CoatCzech

    Uh, no thanks, bartender. Real men don’t use straws in their Shirley Temples.

    • 366
    • FAVS
    JimCooprthistletat13JumpOnMyTutuARobustLoofahManginaMcCoolthedayofthedotemireecrairenayele18
    • 59
    • RETWEETS
    thistletat13u_jellicentSDHeadTrippopsicle_suckerCobaltKitsuneTheDanielleRockLippspaLisa_Laughs_
    meganshpettit
  • CoatCzech
      Steve Svehla @CoatCzech

    “I’m so hungry, I could eat my wife.” – Matthew Broderick

    • 361
    • FAVS
    WallStreetWeedJimCooprsarcasmforallthistletat13ManginaMcCoolDonSchankesteve_condrathedayofthedot
    • 51
    • RETWEETS
    thistletat13notsleeepingDonSchankeAwesoFredzapmyassserialmatrixlivingnBostonNajmaSky25
    ToneLoafCherhole__________HadzillaTheUnseenMe______
  • CoatCzech
      Steve Svehla @CoatCzech

    My son has two HotWheel cars, one behind the other, and is yelling, “Go, dumbass!” If I don’t win Father of the Year, I quit.

    • 356
    • FAVS
    JimCooprsarcasmforallthistletat13JumpOnMyTutuARobustLoofah29KBJHale42ManginaMcCool
    • 41
    • RETWEETS
    HousewifeSavantthistletat13JHale42sarahm8706DranoRaullicensedtoverb____MRMweblarissamj__
    trialfemmeawkwrdlywrded____
  • CoatCzech
      Steve Svehla @CoatCzech

    Man, I thought my tweet was pretty good but when you added the "Ha! RT:" in front of it, YOU put it over the top. Thanks, bro.

    • 332
    • FAVS
    thistletat13JumpOnMyTutuARobustLoofahManginaMcCoolJohnLyonTweetsthedayofthedotemireecrairenayele18
    • 51
    • RETWEETS
    thistletat13AwesoFredLisa_Laughs_herkyjerkyClakeBentbittyditty1inmynewskinCool_Jesse
    scratchysinghazbadowheatnikTrainedHedonistthevillageid10t
  • CoatCzech
      Steve Svehla @CoatCzech

    You guys, it may be the beer talking but OH MY GOD THE BEER IS TALKING. SHUT UP, BEER. I’M TRYING TO TALK TO THE SOFA.

    • 335
    • FAVS
    pareshgawas2thistletat13ARobustLoofahTlaxBoy05ManginaMcCoolthedayofthedotnayele18tnylgn
    • 46
    • RETWEETS
    thistletat13TlaxBoy05YimsterFifelexipadenkitchucklesHannahAnticsboobmunchersazzytatty
    HannahAnticsinmynewskin
@CoatCzech

@CoatCzech
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Is the piano a string instrument or a percussion instrument? The surprising answer - no one gives a crap.