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  • CoatCzech
      Steve Svehla @CoatCzech

    Gift @CoatCzech Favstar Pro to unlock their best tweet!Gift them Pro!

    • 705
    • LIKES
    ambersrcoolohthatbadgerninjadinosaur1ohhits_SmashleyProudPapaDuffyBad_Episodegufawwinnocent_bitch___
    • 377
    • RETWEETS
    LymeandCoconutambersrcoolohthatbadgerthetigerspot__ohhits_SmashleyProudPapaDuffyMom_is_ponxChuxgirll_b__
    RitleySammichKim_pulsiveUluwatuSiapCoy0teUgly________HeyitsLoristacetoned
  • CoatCzech
      Steve Svehla @CoatCzech

    Why do kids' birthday parties need a theme? How about - congrats on ruining your parents’ lives and have some cake, you ungrateful fuck?

    • 798
    • LIKES
    ambersrcoolBullsharkSethMolotovJohnnyMoneypennyNakedJUSTLisandraPlan_BX2MollySneedAwk0Tacoo
    • 191
    • RETWEETS
    DaqvladMolotovJohnnyBABYCAKES2_0__aruiguPlan_BX2TonieLoukaLisabug74ibenkhalaf__
    thevillageid10tTheManimal18HappyHourJack24_7jokes________
  • CoatCzech
      Steve Svehla @CoatCzech

    I can’t figure out if this is my 2 year old daughter’s dress or one of my wife’s shirts. One of them is a slut though. That’s for sure.

    • 778
    • LIKES
    MolotovJohnny_troyjohnsonMollySneedspiraled_away__ISaidDontAmandasNotFunnyKateWhineHallloribuckmajor
    • 207
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    spiraled_away__wmyspr__iwearaonesiethistletat13420hipchickinsdGreGooglyMooglypeeznuts__Sarcasticsapien
    ezeddalyJordyHamrick______Marty3point0______TheAdlyispypanda__Kim_pulsiveSortaBadHadzillaCherhole__________FreeDriftwoodSeanInCypress
  • CoatCzech
      Steve Svehla @CoatCzech

    “Use divorce, Luke.” – Obi Wan, marriage counselor

    • 685
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    RealPrincessKimvaglasergufawwMolotovJohnny_troyjohnsonMollySneeddeutschheutespiraled_away__
    • 223
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    captainhowdy_13HelloKitsiesMolotovJohnnyBerlininatorspiraled_away__jgamericanKateWhineHallMushyMelbowHead
    raydevitolaurahapper______livingnBoston__FreeDriftwood
  • CoatCzech
      Steve Svehla @CoatCzech

    Your sign says “God Bless America” but I bet you really mean “I hate Mexicans and black people”.

    • 637
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    MolotovJohnnyMollySneedCelsoPiazzi__The_Dorkster______fyzzgiggidyPrincess_VespagoodhairpersonNateIsntFunny__
    • 167
    • RETWEETS
    hearsegirlPrincess_VespaAmandasNotFunnythistletat13LousyBastard4wards1__RummyLaudedgodblessniggahs__
    livingnBoston__haurdCiderinmynewskin
  • CoatCzech
      Steve Svehla @CoatCzech

    Hey white people born in America, you already won the lottery.

    • 374
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    JhonRulesWordsOfVikramYUCKYBOTRealPrincessKimNOTwesclarkMolotovJohnnyMollySneedCelsoPiazzi__
    • 421
    • RETWEETS
    MolotovJohnnyTlaxBoy05JHale42livypivAwesoFredDAnders28DClams6waylandwest
    FreeDriftwoodtres_routes
  • CoatCzech
      Steve Svehla @CoatCzech

    The longer you leave me unattended in the doctor's office, the more of these tongue depressers I can lick and put back in the jar.

    • 527
    • LIKES
    MolotovJohnnyMollySneedspiraled_away__AmandasNotFunnymic28moo__Tw1tter_K1tteniwearaonesieOhaiqtpie
    • 103
    • RETWEETS
    spiraled_away__mic28moo__iwearaonesiethistletat13tonofshellCh3xican_Holly_BPemberton1988
    elleyeah8________
  • CoatCzech
      Steve Svehla @CoatCzech

    My wife is one of those people who can read five books at the same time but I can barely finish the one I'm coloring.

    • 437
    • LIKES
    MolotovJohnnyMollySneedspiraled_away__Sus_RaqThe_Dorkster______AmandasNotFunnyTomTheFoolTiwearaonesie
    • 178
    • RETWEETS
    spiraled_away__bellyndapaixao__CelsoPiazzi__AmandasNotFunnyiwearaonesiesexydad22JustaPaladincoepilot
    lvvzzslyoung5
  • CoatCzech
      Steve Svehla @CoatCzech

    To celebrate the 4th, I’m gonna borrow money from my Chinese friends and beat up some Middle Easterners for reasons I don’t understand.

    • 453
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    MolotovJohnnyMollySneedwilliamwantonAmandasNotFunnyStephenBCramer__Mc_Whiskersthistletat13ARobustLoofah
    • 127
    • RETWEETS
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    domesticHwheatnik__RitleySammichTrainedHedonistCoy0teUgly________HerPinkRibbonsKyle_LippertBeerBatterBeardStellacopterWyLdAnIcAsenderblock23TheNardvark
  • CoatCzech
      Steve Svehla @CoatCzech

    50,000 stars. If my grandpa were alive, he'd say, “Why are you collecting stars? Are you gay? Edna, I was right about gay boy over here”.

    • 483
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    MolotovJohnnyMollySneedAmandasNotFunnyjeremie_17thshebleedswordsShawnDuBoisArtOtter_66vonTraphaus
    • 62
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    orangechickinleechee420CynicalLongkatdPiratePrincess__BlairLoudlynethernotethis_is_lyss__violet_heartin
    iwearpajamas______ChristinaStuff
  • CoatCzech
      Steve Svehla @CoatCzech

    Please don't start calling me 'hero' but this lady collapsed at the grocery store and I was the first one to call for a clean up in Aisle 3.

    • 457
    • LIKES
    GooodGirlsGoBadMolotovJohnnyMollySneedspiraled_away__AmandasNotFunnythistletat13missingblakesGoldieGoldberg
    • 68
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    ayyhluscuARobustLoofahExcapeplanUnicornSyrupMrBrown_Eye__________
  • CoatCzech
      Steve Svehla @CoatCzech

    I like to knock on random doors and say, “Hi, my name is Current Resident and I understand you're the bastard that's been opening my mail.”

    • 406
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    the_Lau1RealPrincessKimDonB514SamInspiredMolotovJohnnyMollySneedspiraled_away__thistletat13
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    T5UK45A
  • CoatCzech
      Steve Svehla @CoatCzech

    Hey people smarter than me on Twitter, stop making me Google shit.

    • 422
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    MolotovJohnnyMollySneedspiraled_away__AmandasNotFunny_PBody__DonnaTopping1thistletat13ARobustLoofah
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    spiraled_away__nyckate16thistletat13lollymac1947TlaxBoy05charlzerorandyswife0531Lisa_Laughs_
    MimiMM_
  • CoatCzech
      Steve Svehla @CoatCzech

    Let’s recap. Using a puppy to pick up girls – good. Using a baby – even better. Babies in a stagecoach pulled by puppies – too far

    • 411
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    MolotovJohnnyMollySneedjustsomedishAmandasNotFunnythistletat13ARobustLoofahJHale42DonSchanke
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    • RETWEETS
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    iwearpajamas______OneLinersPlus__
  • CoatCzech
      Steve Svehla @CoatCzech

    Uh, no thanks, bartender. Real men don’t use straws in their Shirley Temples.

    • 385
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    MolotovJohnnynoturaestheteOTCallawaykelkulusinternetmoVikeeysSecretSmithAngelicOrvllShrednbchr
    • 65
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    VikeeysSecretWeirdWorkaholicRamdeenKendellMollySneedspiraled_away__AmandasNotFunnythistletat13u_jellicent__
    meganshpettit
  • CoatCzech
      Steve Svehla @CoatCzech

    That's weird. I just bought the "Best of Limp Bizkit" CD and it's blank.

    • 345
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    MolotovJohnnyMollySneedspiraled_away__thistletat13ManginaMcCooltrvrplkMarioTardedsteve_condra
    • 94
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    spiraled_away__MarioTardedanbayanyayDonSchankeAwesoFredlaylaliciousPatBlackiezapmyass
    rufus_lipschitz
  • CoatCzech
      Steve Svehla @CoatCzech

    My son has two HotWheel cars, one behind the other, and is yelling, “Go, dumbass!” If I don’t win Father of the Year, I quit.

    • 369
    • LIKES
    RealPrincessKimasterikonitDonB514jeanetterenaemoskringufawwthrill713MolotovJohnny
    • 48
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    moskrinrob_rudisillgufawwMolotovJohnnyspiraled_away__No_YoureAMessAmandasNotFunnyHousewifeSavant
    trialfemmeawkwrdlywrded____
  • CoatCzech
      Steve Svehla @CoatCzech

    “I’m so hungry, I could eat my wife.” – Matthew Broderick

    • 364
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    MolotovJohnnyMollySneedAmandasNotFunnyWallStreetWeed____JimCooprSarcasmForAllthistletat13ManginaMcCool
    • 51
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    thistletat13notsleeepingDonSchankeAwesoFredzapmyassserialmatrixlivingnBoston__NajmaSky25
    ToneLoafCherhole__________HadzillaTheUnseenMe______
  • CoatCzech
      Steve Svehla @CoatCzech

    Man, I thought my tweet was pretty good but when you added the "Ha! RT:" in front of it, YOU put it over the top. Thanks, bro.

    • 336
    • LIKES
    MolotovJohnnyMollySneedTheRandySutraAmandasNotFunnythistletat13JumpOnMyTutu__ARobustLoofahManginaMcCool
    • 52
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    AmandasNotFunnythistletat13AwesoFredLisa_Laughs_herkyjerkyClakeBentbittyditty1inmynewskin
    scratchysinghazbadowheatnik__TrainedHedonistthevillageid10t
  • CoatCzech
      Steve Svehla @CoatCzech

    You guys, it may be the beer talking but OH MY GOD THE BEER IS TALKING. SHUT UP, BEER. I’M TRYING TO TALK TO THE SOFA.

    • 337
    • LIKES
    MolotovJohnnyAmandasNotFunnyAryan8313thistletat13ARobustLoofahTlaxBoy05ManginaMcCoolthedayofthedot
    • 46
    • RETWEETS
    thistletat13TlaxBoy05YimsterFifelexipadenkitchucklesHannahAnticsboobmunchersazzytatty
    HannahAnticsinmynewskin
@CoatCzech

@CoatCzech

Is the piano a string instrument or a percussion instrument? The surprising answer - no one gives a crap.

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