I put the ten in tennis

Dogfish Head, strawburries, and I, Robot. Terminaton, authorized.

Why do you think the Chinese were invented? -Drew's response to math class.

I didn't fail that exam. My pencil failed that exam.

@carolinecasey so true hahaha

The Great Gatsby #winning  http://instagram.com/p/YytXeASqHN/ 

To those who know my obsessions ♫ Easy To Crash – Cake  http://spoti.fi/RnPcsX  #NowPlaying

Sleep well Greeks, just a few hours until victory for one fraternity and one sorority #bringiton #jcugw2013

@carolinecasey you got the same last name as me, tweet about bacon. I'm cool with that.

RT @depresseddarth: #YouShouldBeAshamed if you've never seen Star Wars.

About to get Woogly.

RT @ixseanxi: Should have been Dick Cheney.

Every once in a while, my mind reminds me that the fruit I am eating is actually the ovary of a tree...

Just realized I'm sitting around chewin on my straw and listening to Elliot Smith.

So high on life right now. #spring #motivation #johnwilliams

This is my version of the Golden Ticket. I'm so happy, I'm gonna cry. #johnwilliams #god #starwars #jaws #indianajones http://t.co/0XUrH3jD

We need a mic check just to make sure all the swear words work. Check. Fuck. Shit. Bitch. Cunt. Damn. Ect. Check.

Yall muthafuckas need jesus. #goddamgallows

How do you organize a party in space? You planet. #badjokeeel

Oh you just graduated? I'll take a number 4 with fries. #condescendingwonka