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Sure we 'ave a black president, but 'ow long before we get a black James Bond?
Malibu beach bobbies gave me a ticket for not wearin' a bafink suit—blimey, I fought I 'ad enough tattoos ter go wivout!
The space shuttle 'as captured the imagination of millions: like 'as any astronaut wanked off in space & would it frow fings off course?
Got a black eye on Sunset Blvd. but I learned me lesson: next time aim the bleedin' champagne cork out the car window!
After lookin' fer 5 days I found me car keys—now I need ter find me bleedin' car!
Half moon in Malibu tonite 'cause I could only fit half me bare bum out the bloomin' window of me Range Rover.
TMZ exposed me secret sex attic problem—Malibu fire dept. says me sex attic can't be occupied by more 'n 50 persons.
@elldavey "Sam, better make that a quadruple bypass!" Fanks fer the RT mate.
Why are Yanks so worried 'bout mixin' Drinkin' wiv Drivin'—but not 'bout Religion wiv Politics?
Why's it called XXX Summer Olympics, then? Wotchin' ladies volleyball for an 'our—not once did I spot any girl-on-girl!
Cheeky cashier gave me change wivout makin' eye contact like a hooker 'andin' me a tissue!
Can't 'ave kids 'cause me Doc finks I'm shootin' blanks—me ex-ole lady sez it's cuz I keep missin' the target!
Yanks worry more 'bout droppin' F-bombs on telly than real bombs on blokes. Blimey!
Rolling Stone once called me drum solo on HARD LANDING "masturbatory." See Mum? All me hard practice behind locked doors paid off!
@kennedynation Fame used ter take more than a clean bung an 'bein' born dawter of a solicitor 'oo 'elped a bloke get away wiv murder.
At me age, know a bit of blokes 'oo've faced prostate cancer—some at chin level.
Played fousands of gigs & laid fousands of birds—got the bloomin' 'rhoids & polaroids ter prove it!
