Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Russia will mail you a person, they don’t give a fuck.
MAN!! My boss is always all "Blah blah blah!", "You're late!", and "Get me more pictures of Spiderman!!"
Me: Got any more of those debbled eggs?
Friend: Did you just say DEBBLED eggs?
Me: No, I said the right thing...
Actually, hard work kills people all the time.
THIS. IS. SPARTA! Just kidding welcome to Chili's. For one?
"YOU'RE ALL LESBIANS!!" -- me to a bar full of women that refused to go home with me, before I went home and cry-sturbated
“THANKYOUKEN!!!” — Ryu receiving a gift.
The Redskins could keep their name if they just made their logo a potato.
I may not be the smartest or most handsome man around, but I’ll tell you one thing: I need to borrow some more money.
I keep a xylophone on me at all times just incase I have to tip toe anywhere.
My cousin once touched my b-hole with a dandelion. Ok, now you say something.
Bitches ain’t shit except hoes and tricks and mothers and wives and doctors and construction workers and anything else they would like to be
This duck is rapidly eating all of my bread like he doesn’t even know what carbs are.
You know your a loser when the chicks don't put any effort into their excuses anymore... I don't even think she HAS an ostrich
“Sometimes I jut put random things in a frying pan to see what kind of smells I can make.” — people in apartment buildings
Truck commercials seriously overestimate my knowledge and need for “torque”
Someone put something in front of the door and locked me in this outhouse.
I’ve been screaming the State Farm jingle for 20 minutes.
What's with all these diet commercials?? Why can't fat people just do cocaine like the rest of us?
Why would you be there with bells on? Just wear a shirt, bro.
You know you're in the wrong part of town, when you start seeing pay phones.
Just helicoptered in from Vancouver, and boy is my dick tired.