I do have peanuts envy. I want your nuts in my mouth along with a spoon of strawberry jelly.

My vagina is like a dartboard...You have to dart your tongue around until you hit the bullseye.

You want me to save a child or a dolphin? How about you stop tweeting and fucking save them yourself!

Do you spit on your mother's vagina with that mouth?

Felatio was Shakespeare's head guy.

Thank you for tweeting those song lyrics and quotes, that I could have never have Googled on my own.

When I was younger, my father used to drink Busch Beer...or did my father drink his beer near my bush. I can't remember.

I'm going to find me a Dick, Harry or a hairy dick, but not a Jane.

I love when your kid throws fits in the store, so I can send a vid to my mother when she asks me for grandkids.

Am I moody, if I'm in the mood to cry, nap, eat and whine?

2013 Chris Brown loses all his Twitter followers, gets beaten physically and than dies of auto-erotic asphyxiation.

My friend just joined Twitter and she only has 1 follower, which is not me. How embarassing!

Murdering children is not cool, but tweeting about murdering children making noise at the other table is fucking encouraged!

Guy Code: I will wait until your exgirlfriend cries on my shoulder for at least an hour before I rim her ass.

People who tweet "Unknown" at the end of their quotes, are actually quoting themselves, but are too afraid to admit it.

You're all a bunch of perverts. Back me up here.

I used to feel suicidal. Presently, Twitter allows me to refresh my updates, while feeling like a suicidal crack whore.

I think those Asian characters mean, you want me to blow your dying grandfather. Sure, I would love to!

Summertime should be called swamptime. Write that song Will.

I guess, I'll wear a titty squisher...I mean, bra.