“@crutnacker: One thing Walmart won't price match.... paychecks.”

“@lolgop: America. Where our millionaires are jealous of the people on food stamps.”

“@andydaglas: Wayne LaPierre encourages all Americans to celebrate the freedom and liberty of life under a heavily-armed police state.” Sad!

“@tusk81: This is why Republicans hate Bill Clinton to the core: Because he's smarter than all of them put together. #DNC2012 #tcot” True!

RT @borowitzreport: I wonder if Paul Ryan ever thought a hurricane would hit the @gopconvention when he voted to cut disaster relief.

“@fun: The chance of dying on the way to buy a lotto ticket is higher than you winning.”

“@mjdub: Intelligence Institute Study shows Fox News viewers have an IQ is 20 points lower than U.S. average.  http://shar.es/6UCRn  "

“@cletisstump: #edshow Mitch McConnell is my senator AND Rand Paul is my other senator. Help!” I just saw this tweet on my TV!!!

@suciabetari @twiterhero @swagg_macine @fabiola_fabi3 @intan_zeestee12 @211reserve_bsc @otahnificent @kankichiryotsu @bonusmum Hello all!

“@borowitzreport: #MeetThePress: Following the popular trend of talking to an empty chair, David Gregory will interview Mitt Romney.”

“@cletisstump: #edshow Senator Warren is already an American icon ... deservedly so ...” I agree.

@chicodelainky The Right Wing cockroaches have come out into broad daylight ever since Obama was elected.

@alaneggleston Every time I hear a Republican speak I'm more convinced they don't speak for me.

“@borowitzreport: Romney: Poor People Taste Like Chicken”

“@uberfacts: Ducks have the ability to put half their brain to sleep, and keep the other half awake.” Republicans do this also,

“@qikipedia: The comparative size of an atom to a golf ball is roughly equivalent to the size of a golf ball on the Earth”

RT @bmangh: Bill Maher Labels Rick Perry, Ted Nugent, and Sarah Palin the 'Axis of Assholes'  http://www.politicususa.com/bill-maher-labels-rick-perry-ted-nugent-sarah-palin-axis-aholes.html … via @politicususa

Whenever I feel human beings are basically good, I watch Fox News or shop at Walmart to remind myself many aren't.

You can lead a conservative to knowledge, but you cannot make him think. #UniteBlue #p2

I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks. @sarcie_elle_