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That awkward moment between your birth and your death.
Tyler Perry isn't funny, Sarah Jessica Parker looks like a horse, Nickelback sucks and fat people go to Walmart.
Now where are my retweets?
Reality is a lovely place but I wouldn't want to live there.
I carved your name into a public restroom in a town you've never been to. God, it's so hard to love you.
This next song is called "I Have $15 to Last Me Until Friday" from my new record "How Am I Gonna Pay For Gas"
You're cute and we should go on breakfast dates and do irresponsible things together. #seriously
Today is a historic day for Pennsylvania. Fuck yes.
18 followers from 600.
HEY ISN'T IT FUNNY HOW GIRLS ARE DIFFERENT THAN GUYS AND ARENT BACON BEER AND BOOBS GREAT HA RELIGION AND POLITICS!
Maybe you're having so much trouble "getting bitches" because you still call women bitches
Girls, if a guy wants to hang out with you, he's romantically interested and/or wants to fuck you. Don't be naive.
Fuck your gender roles, there's no such a thing as a "girly" drink and also iced lattes are fucking delicious
Don't slut shame, be proud of the ladies out there slayin' the D
People who don't follow back literally bum me out so much. I just wanna be your friend, homie.
My sister's boy's coming over & she asked if I "could not be in the house for a few hours," and this is way too much reality for me today
In 2009 my 1st band had a song called "When Life Hands You Lemons, Squeeze Them In Your Ex-Girlfriend's Eye" and I can't ever take that back
Just smiled at a toddler at work and he ran screaming to his mother.
I thought I only had that effect on women.
This is my favorite part of Sunday Nights, I like to call it "wallowing in self-pity and dreading tomorrow."
We are here to laugh at the odds and live our lives so well that Death will tremble to take us. | 20 | @ifyouwill_band @wilkesbeacon