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That awkward moment between your birth and your death.
Tyler Perry isn't funny, Sarah Jessica Parker looks like a horse, Nickelback sucks and fat people go to Walmart.
Now where are my retweets?
Reality is a lovely place but I wouldn't want to live there.
I carved your name into a public restroom in a town you've never been to. God, it's so hard to love you.
I hate when people say "I hate the Poconos, here's so much drama here!" BITCH THERE IS DRAMA EVERYWHERE , BECAUSE YOURE A SLUT
You're cute and we should go on breakfast dates and do irresponsible things together. #seriously
18 followers from 600.
HEY ISN'T IT FUNNY HOW GIRLS ARE DIFFERENT THAN GUYS AND ARENT BACON BEER AND BOOBS GREAT HA RELIGION AND POLITICS!
Girls, if a guy wants to hang out with you, he's romantically interested and/or wants to fuck you. Don't be naive.
Just smiled at a toddler at work and he ran screaming to his mother.
I thought I only had that effect on women.
This is my favorite part of Sunday Nights, I like to call it "wallowing in self-pity and dreading tomorrow."
To any high schoolers wondering what college is like:
I'm paying 20k a year to eat pb&j from separate spoons because we're out of bread.
There are so many white girls in Panera Bread right now...too many high waisted shorts to even comprehend...it literally smells like Tumblr
"don't cry because its over," I say, staring down at my empty plate that once housed cheesecake pancakes. "Smile because it happened."
L-O-S-E IS TO NOT FUCKING WIN. L-O-O-S-E IS NOT TIGHT OR SECURE. FUCK
Amazing how science can put a man on the moon, yet I still can't fold a fucking t-shirt correctly.
I obviously don't have anything against partying but if your entire life revolves around getting drunk, examine your fucking life.
I don't understand how college students, especially college females, can vote for Romney.
If you think it's "morally wrong" to allow two people who love each other to marry, then you don't actually have morals.
19. Communications / English student. I write things, I work at Staples, I book shows, and I play drums in @IfYouWill_Band. Spread positive energy.