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The girl who plays guitar in the bar on "True Detective" has got to get a better booking agent.
Somebody take that fucking jose guy to church already, am I right?!
"Sex is like cereal, it's better when it's dry!" - a guy who has never had sex or eaten cereal
I want Chris Pratt's body.
Loneliness. Self doubt. Self loathing. General apathy. Frustration. Masturbation. Orgasm. Calm. Focus. Clarity. General happiness.
If you're a guy who only wears white athletic socks, you're not maximizing the potential of your life. Get some fun ones. You'll like it.
The world needs a real hero. The world needs a "Saving Silverman" sequel.
What did Moses say to Rameses when he was obstructing the view of his apartment door? Let my peep hole go.
There is one constant in my life and one constant only: if you're a cute dog and I'm walking by you, I'm gonna give you a surprised look.
"You know when you know" applies to both when you meet the woman you're going to marry and when you've pooped your pants.
I would see Ewoks if they played a live show.
Just resisted eating at Panda Express. I am a goddamn warrior.
Mark Zuckerberg invest 1 billion into my ideas. First idea, soda in a pouch. Idea two, hologram high-five. Idea three, vegetable shirt. Etc.
I'm a rare breed: a straight white guy in film/TV
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