Sorry its taken so long to tweet, i just had to scroll through 15 billion tweets on google to make sure this is original

Sometimes my jokes are so intelligent im the only one in the room who gets them.. Thats how i know im a genius.

Some people are clearly insane, others are probably hiding behind trees

One day women will appreciate me for who i really am, not just another high protein energy drink

You cant hate someone for their hairstyle but you can punch them in the face

Food gives me all the nutrients i need to keep drinking

I love fucking with the matrix, its not like im taking the right pills anyway.

Wheres my star you asshole..

That awkward moment where one drug fights another, cant they both just be friends

I star what i like and i like what i star..

Beauty lies in the thighs of the beholder.. .

Hi , hope i dont affect your ego by following you

Blood is always thicker than water but far less quenching

The thing i admire most about a womans personality is her ability to have sex.. .

A cup of shut the fuck up makes an ideal chaser

You try to do the right thing on twitter and the next thing you know you got half the nazi party following you

If i keep having to say "interesting!" after every thing you say - its not even remotely interesting...

Im being rude to my guests by being on twitter but they're being even ruder by talking to me

Ok, ive looked at all your tweets tonight & to be fair, god will kill you all you fuckers

If god made grass, and man made aliens..why the hell should we let the armenians take it away from us..