Some people are like Slinkies, not really good for much, but they bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs. #needstairs

I just found a Valium on the floor thats been there a few weeks. That silly 5 second rule doesnt apply if its a perscription drug .. right?

Don't correct me. Accept me.

When unfollowed I pretend its a cold metal bot & not some sweet person I freaked out by my constant ramblings of butt plugs & cattle prods.

If I had a 3 inch person I'd keep him naked & hidden in my bra where he could climb around & yell at people while I'm in line at the store.

If you're my friend. There's never a need to hurt me. I've always been broken. Just accept me & love me.. unconditionally.

If you can't eat it or play with it.. then just pee on it.. & walk away.

I come here to feel good & forget. Sometimes you guys make my heart tingle & times I laugh so hard tears run down my leg. Thank u for that.

This football announcer wants to talk about penetration. Wonder if I should take my panties off or be subtle & gently pull them to the side.

Its never a good thing to fuck around with the space-time continuum unless you balance it out by smoking a bunch of really good weed first.

I sometimes worry I say too much. But then.. what if I don't say enough? I wish it wasn't so easy to fuck up life.

Sometimes slapping someone just isn't enough.

Life's short. Touch yourself more often.. or have someone else do it.

I finally saw the light today. Granted the beam was faint & far away & took a while to see. But at least its a fucking light.

I forgot to mention that I hugged each & every one of you last night.. twice. It was that warm feeling you felt between 1:32am & 4:47am pdt

It's always good to check for large psycho dogs before sitting on a wicker chair in a sheer, short summer dress with no panties on. #trustme

Oh, no problem spell check. I'll look this word up for you since you can't seem to comprehend what the fuck I'm trying to spell. #bitchwhore

Never underestimate the power of a beaver.

I reserved a deluxe pod for my followers so we can all safely leave earth when the time comes. Most of you can sleep worry-free from now on.

"No. You calm down." ~ Me. After kicking some asshole in the balls for telling me to calm down. #thuglife