Just learned what "docking" means. Didn't need to know that it turns out.

Awesome, NASCAR is on! - something I will never say

RT if you need a burrito in your face before the night is through.

Not having decent #cable makes me sad I can't watch 24/7 coverage of #Sandy #FrankenStorm #ChicagoTweet

You know what goes great with Otis Redding? Whiskey.

The cat is exhausted from napping all day http://t.co/72Jatiam

Here's what happens when @myballsswang meets Rosie O'Donnell #Chicago : http://t.co/gFqjjSxz

I don't get @jake_flores jokes that make fun of St Antonio cause I think that way about all of #Texas #BornAYankee #Chicago

@sheseemslegit like Cabbage Patch Dolls? Have been pushing vodka down their throats for hours and nothing!

Since we've all been drinking, follow 3 of the hottest women I've never met @yourcatastrophy @mouseinadress @discolemonkayy

And now kids its time to play "drink away all memories from today"

This is what leaders do! BREAKING: Obama Embraces Marriage Equality http://t.co/UIXXuWKI via @thinkprogress

Conference calls are the perfect time to get caught up on sleep.

And all of a sudden thunderstorms. Hmm.

Doing that thing again where I sit on the porch drinking & smoking and judge the people jogging by.

Damn, just fell in love with a woman in yoga pants.

Must stop passing out on the couch!

I'm ready to porch up and drink some beer!

It's too windy to be #biking


while smoking.

I've done every drug you could name except crack and cocaine. JK I've done those too #DJMuggs