"Y'all gonna make me ride my bike, up in here, up in here!" - BMX

I'm a lot more afraid of arewolves than werewolves.

If I could have dinner with anyone, dead or alive, I would choose alive because eating with dead people is just creepy.

In my mind, people who still have Blackberries also vacuum with a baby elephant and use a bird's beak as a record player needle.

My favorite philosophy book is "Why Is Waldo?".

"I say, I say, slow ride!" - Foghat Leghorn

I'm going to start doing things WITH further ado. Take that, ado haters.

Oh GREAT this shirt has a hole in it, now everybody can see my head.

Not to brag, but I'm pretty awesome at taking that last, phantom step on staircases.

"Tag Team, back again" - Tag Team as they walk into the unemployment office

That's about enough, parents who name their kids after cities in Texas.

I'm 0 for 145 at pulling random books on people's bookcases and having it lead to a secret passageway.

What the hell is a tisket?

Related: What the hell is a tasket?

I don't mean to sound racist, but black licorice is terrible and I think it just stole my car.

Sorry about all the car chases, European outdoor fruit markets.

I hope I get the chance someday to remove my glasses dramatically and say "My GOD what have you done?".

In Britain, Ke$ha is known as Ke£ha.

First-time baller, long-time shot-caller.

Wouldn't it be more appropriate to put pictures of missing children on cans of evaporated milk?

Women treat me like a good loan: 0% interest.