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I should have known it would never work out with my wife 'cause I'm a Scorpio and she's a bitch.
No sweetheart, youre not built like a sista. Youre just chunky.
I've found that paying bills is more tolerable after drinking a gallon of wine.
I hate when I find random pills on my bedroom floor and realize they aren't narcotics.
Why does it smell like a stripper in my truck?
Lord, help me get my shit together. Amen.
Vodka shots always make my lunch meetings go better.
Bathroom wet wipes are the best thing since, well, toilet paper.
I hate long walks on the beach.
Don't eat a McRibb at midnight after you've been out drinking. Just don't. Trust me on this one.
Music, Mayhem and Math Theory - Prolific Underachiever - Experimental and Temperamental - Random Arcane Esoterica -