I should have known it would never work out with my wife 'cause I'm a Scorpio and she's a bitch.

No sweetheart, youre not built like a sista. Youre just chunky.

I've found that paying bills is more tolerable after drinking a gallon of wine.

This gets me -up- and going this morning... yum... RT @nadiapariss: 🙌 pic.twitter.com/uly0K0dt

I hate when I find random pills on my bedroom floor and realize they aren't narcotics.

Nooo.... #hilarious&scary RT @patdollard: Al Jazeera: Muslims Appalled By Paul Ryan's Women's Rights Record http://t.co/LanAVRiL

Why does it smell like a stripper in my truck?

Lord, help me get my shit together. Amen.

Yum... RT @nadiapariss: ✌ pic.twitter.com/XXJM3SUS

Always Hot Nadia... RT @nadiapariss: http://t.co/T31yIcAh

Vodka shots always make my lunch meetings go better.

Stay Racist Richard! RT @patdollard: Richard Lewis To Olbermann: Herman Cain Would Be ‘Lucky To Be A Doorman’ http://t.co/O6oJ9TJt #tcot

Bathroom wet wipes are the best thing since, well, toilet paper.

I hate long walks on the beach.

RT @ilovepie84: I bet Batman's belt has an erotic asphyxiation feature.

Hot Hot Hot.... RT @rzual: #underboob #tits #nsfw @onlybadchicks @boobs_69 @thehottweets @boogie_1969 @hotbodydotcom pic.twitter.com/0nMCluGyHL

Who's going to pay for Social Security & Medicare? RT @mouselink: U.S. Birth Rate Hits Record Low  http://mslnk.bz/Wxvk4A  #tlot #tcot

Dee-licious as always... RT @nadiapariss: pic.twitter.com/RkzMqyNE

Hey ladies!!! Bitching and moaning about men isn't the mating call your 'Prince Charming' wants to hear.

@theregularguys EricVH -Quote of the Day-: "She sounds like she's the type who has fallen asleep while doing reverse cowgirl before."