My Dad died today. In protest of the funeral I'll be throwing a Pizza Party

Boobs are just Butts with nipples.

@life_sucker I just found my new catch-phrase after sex!

Winnie the Pooh is the Betty White of Disney movies

The only thing worse than finding a jar of Peanut Butter in your sister's room, is knowing that she was alone with the dog for 1 hour.

The creepy dude from the Six Flags commercial looks exactly like the naked cat that raped me behind a dumpster. :'(

I learned the hard way that when someone asks if you have change for $1, you don't pull down your pants and point at your pimples

Ben Stiller looks like a monkey, yet he never makes me laugh. Hmmm

@sikknizzle I'll take Willow over that Justin Beaver ass munch!

Watching Jerry Springer and some dude is having sex with his 90 yr old Grandma. That's what I call AWSUUUUUM!!!!

@cool_jesse OH MY GOD! Is she gonna sue?!?!

@skankco HI!!!! I've been told I look just like Rosie O'Donnell with bigger boobs & side burns. :)

@cool_jesse So THAT'S what happened to Nick Carter! :0

I'm so tired of watching infomertials at 2am and havining them tell me to get up off the couch and start moving. IT'S 2am ASS MUNCH!

How does Octomom have an orgasm if her Vagina is as big around as a ceiling fan?

Kevin Bacon's nose reminds me of Outer Space

Since when do kids not know the meaning of "Move your ass or I'm gonna strangle you and throw your body off an overpass"

@faux_ma Your Husband sounds AWSOME!!!!

About ready to watch an Ashton Kutcher movie and I'm already starting to regret it.

@bigbadblake Penis & Vaginas, but keep it classy.