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  • Courtniss_
      Courtney @Courtniss_

    Twitter is the pillow we scream into.

    • 999
    • FAVS
    carlosmolotovednotsowisekey_ogFrantastic_DCSensedogsalazarsboxingellyvolutionlivebeat_365
    • 685
    • RETWEETS
    BPallayMandajojo6Sensedogsalazarsboxingikevvalivebeat_365MarkBuckawickiochiabuto_
    travisauruss______clindsaysway
  • Courtniss_
      Courtney @Courtniss_

    Those who are heartless, once cared too much.

    • 508
    • FAVS
    CaribbePirate76brainsdocLoveNLunchmeatMcOnionButtGregHenchmanSandyEggoMonkrawrcynicStephanieRoets
    • 322
    • RETWEETS
    brainsdocMcOnionButtInThaBurbsspazrunsnyStephanieRoetsOn_DvergeProfessor_Ryannonster7
    AShotOfSouthMichael_MaybeEureekaHavoc
  • Courtniss_
      Courtney @Courtniss_

    Twitter Lessons:

    1: Every woman likes anal
    2: Stalking is okay
    3: Smoking pot is normal
    4: Always swallow
    5: We’re all bi
    6: Pity is real

    • 530
    • FAVS
    DeliciousDlynnlivebeat_365Ndeshi_MCaribbePirate76scotch3554un1xphyscoNocturnalCPhTbrainsdoc
    • 252
    • RETWEETS
    JordansMassacrelivebeat_365Ndeshi_MKingoftheValarscotch3554un1xphyscoPillchuckerNocturnalCPhT
    KimKardashsToeEvilPandaX
  • Courtniss_
      Courtney @Courtniss_

    I put my sweatpants on just like every one else.. With absolutely no intention to sweat at all unless its over heating while I lay in bed.

    • 484
    • FAVS
    livebeat_365Ndeshi_MCaribbePirate76gaggedwithspoonscotch3554ParamedicGregbrainsdocColoradoCrow
    • 276
    • RETWEETS
    livebeat_365Ndeshi_MTheCattyLadyCaribbePirate76favstar_historyscotch3554brainsdocSaraCski
    InThaBurbssquashguy15buthonestlygirlParentpainstravisauruss______JustASmirk
  • Courtniss_
      Courtney @Courtniss_

    When you star and RT one of my tweets but don’t follow, I feel like you’re just slapping me on the ass as you walk by.

    • 433
    • FAVS
    livebeat_365HOH_Beechal9Ndeshi_MCicatrix13TheCattyLadyCaribbePirate76ParamedicGreg
    • 225
    • RETWEETS
    livebeat_365Dope_NinaNdeshi_MTheCattyLadyCaribbePirate76brainsdocjergarlMcOnionButt
  • Courtniss_
      Courtney @Courtniss_

    I’ll make you spaghetti & meatballs then fuck you on the dinner table. Just call me a lady and a tramp.

    • 405
    • FAVS
    livebeat_365Ndeshi_MCaribbePirate76scotch3554brainsdocabsolutpederoemj1120H_L_Q
    • 153
    • RETWEETS
    Ndeshi_Mscotch3554emj1120kuusela34jergarlpookieclay________icehead13McOnionButt
    InThaBurbsVerifiedJayy______TheLemon_RogueGod
  • Courtniss_
      Courtney @Courtniss_

    You haven’t hit on me lately.



    So who is she?

    • 400
    • FAVS
    GoodgirlBaddestjenc7878overeaseeNdeshi_MdxblarssonENGKennyc2653NotChoCheeseYouhar342
    • 154
    • RETWEETS
    GoodgirlBaddestfavstar_historyNdeshi_Mcrazyinsane8random_tammieTheCattyLadyCaribbePirate76kuusela34
    AngelaEhh
  • Courtniss_
      Courtney @Courtniss_

    There are so many deer taking naps on the side of the road today.

    • 323
    • FAVS
    1samuel127chal9un1xphyscoNdeshi_MCaribbePirate76ParamedicGreg_flightofideasbrainsdoc
    • 141
    • RETWEETS
    un1xphyscoNdeshi_McarrietinibrainsdocjergarlMcOnionButt215pottermdenny
    SweetTweetsBROMichael_Maybe
  • Courtniss_
      Courtney @Courtniss_

    Mom: “Why are you drinking?”

    Me: “It looked like the bottle was taking up space in the refrigerator.”

    Mom: “Any leads on an apartment?”

    • 353
    • FAVS
    SilverBadgerNdeshi_MCaribbePirate76scotch3554ParamedicGregbrainsdocnacho_frend______NS5oh
    • 111
    • RETWEETS
    Ndeshi_Mscotch3554brainsdockuusela34jergarlInThaBurbsctrabs0114PabloGSerski
  • Courtniss_
      Courtney @Courtniss_

    My brain is in the constant battle between doing what I’m supposed to or pretending I forgot about it.

    • 268
    • FAVS
    chal9Ndeshi_MgigipicolaCaribbePirate76scotch3554ParamedicGregbrainsdocGregHenchman
    • 120
    • RETWEETS
    Ndeshi_MTheCattyLadyCaribbePirate76scotch3554brainsdocspazrunsnyInThaBurbsEVILnSHIT
    GroperClevelandCraigChamberlin
  • Courtniss_
      Courtney @Courtniss_

    Practicing my motorboating skills. And since there aren’t any perky titties around here I guess this cheesecake will do.

    • 270
    • FAVS
    gigipicolarandom_tammieTheCattyLadyCaribbePirate76ParamedicGregbrainsdockuusela34mojosarmy
    • 113
    • RETWEETS
    random_tammieTheCattyLadyCaribbePirate76brainsdocemmakswanjergarlspazrunsny215potter
    donjuantip
  • Courtniss_
      Courtney @Courtniss_

    He only texts me when he's horny.


    Thank god.

    • 244
    • FAVS
    CaribbePirate76quarkkaliburmediumflowbrainsdocjergarlGregHenchmanTheMichaelRockInThaBurbs
    • 82
    • RETWEETS
    favstar_historymvmxo_AHomelessBitchMrAdamBeznosimplehwyhome__215potterTheChillBillietheejanimal______
  • Courtniss_
      Courtney @Courtniss_

    Stop fretting, stop over thinking, stop worrying, just stop. Exist. Inhale, exhale. Sometimes that's all you can do.

    • 203
    • FAVS
    CaribbePirate76ParamedicGregdanwelder1brainsdocSweetlyDefiantBicehead13GregHenchmanspazrunsny
    • 110
    • RETWEETS
    brainsdocSweetlyDefiantBicehead13spazrunsnyakleve69jennigrl22InThaBurbsshwebby2__________
    SuperApple8______
  • Courtniss_
      Courtney @Courtniss_

    You're my favorite waste of battery life.

    • 200
    • FAVS
    disgrac3fulTheCattyLadyCaribbePirate76scotch3554brainsdocjergarlGregHenchmanTheMichaelRock
    • 110
    • RETWEETS
    MissKush710milllyykendallCaribbePirate76scotch3554StephanieRoetsTheChillBilliesamgibbs24BitneyJo
  • Courtniss_
      Courtney @Courtniss_

    “I’m not here to make friends.” Stupid fucks say that.


    I’m here to make friends on purpose. Lovers by chance. Enemies by accident.

    • 224
    • FAVS
    CaribbePirate76ParamedicGregbrainsdocspazrunsnyStephanieRoetsnonster7quinn_dexter______DumbConfessions
    • 76
    • RETWEETS
    brainsdocspazrunsnyStephanieRoetsPabloGSerskiE_coli___________SquizbotiAmVonEric________ricksteelman______
    evofck
  • Courtniss_
      Courtney @Courtniss_

    There's a special hole in my backyard for people to hit me in the back of the ankles with a shopping cart.

    • 205
    • FAVS
    random_tammieTheOPhilosopherTheCattyLadyCaribbePirate76Terry_FireMedicbrainsdocGregHenchmanInThaBurbs
    • 80
    • RETWEETS
    random_tammieTheCattyLadyCaribbePirate76Terry_FireMedicbrainsdoccandy_badass215potterquinn_dexter______
    JSchabl
  • Courtniss_
      Courtney @Courtniss_

    On Halloween, if a girl that looks way too old to be trick-or-treating & appears to be drunk knocks on your door, let me in.

    • 207
    • FAVS
    CaribbePirate76scotch3554The_Dorkster______Apple_or_OrangeTerry_FireMedicradarrideramgbrainsdocGregHenchman
    • 66
    • RETWEETS
    NotOne2bPCscotch3554favstar_historyradarrideramgbrainsdocGabiGopieTreenonster7DumbConfessions
  • Courtniss_
      Courtney @Courtniss_

    I dropped my cookie in my coffee so I poured it all into a bowl. Because soup.

    • 191
    • FAVS
    Kennyc2653random_tammieTheCattyLadylgbk44CaribbePirate76Tw0PennethThe_Dorkster______brainsdoc
    • 49
    • RETWEETS
    random_tammieTheCattyLadyCaribbePirate76favstar_historykuusela34urgeekisshowingWookieInMyPants__aliinhan
  • Courtniss_
      Courtney @Courtniss_

    The last time I tried to have actual phone sex with someone the boy at Pizza Hut refused to deliver me pizza and hung up on me.

    • 173
    • FAVS
    CaribbePirate76scotch3554jergarlGregHenchmanWookieInMyPants__DumbConfessionsPabloGSerskiJessikaJordan
    • 54
    • RETWEETS
    scotch3554jergarlE_coli___________SquizbotC_Berry3000Damyoujoe________SimplyNamedTronbuthonestlygirl
    Jay__Zim
  • Courtniss_
      Courtney @Courtniss_

    I dance when I make waffles. Because fucking waffles people!

    • 176
    • FAVS
    CaribbePirate76ReginaldDennysjergarlGregHenchmanspazrunsnynonster7DumbConfessionsEdJohnson2
    • 37
    • RETWEETS
    jergarlspazrunsnyninja_yogiE_coli___________SharpeBytesKeith_fellerSquizbotTreeWalrus________
@Courtniss_

@Courtniss_

You should be here. #BeRoyal #ListenLonger