Finn just said "You're a hot one" and put his finger on me and made the sizzle noise. #thanksbuddy #neededthat #4yrolds

I have day & 1/2 to come up w/ an excuse to get out of a date I made w/ a (handsome but deaf) guy while drunk last week. #storyofmylife

Being on road alot u pick up odd in-car grooming habits. Nothing beats shaving legs out car window along Jersey trnpk @alieatoric #CBRX

Crap. One of the managers at one of my accounts just asked me out. I knew I should have never brought up #gaming w/ him. #awkward

Hahaha. Just found out I am working straight through the weekend. In related news we may start importing small batch sake. #win?

Wish this was night game so the #supermoon was out & Werth could turn into the #werewolf he is & terrorize the stadium http://t.co/y5vvdWG0

You know it's gonna be a good wedding when you get handed a beer coozie at the bar. http://t.co/F3uOfBWR

Slept at the exes, still in the same clothes as last night & brushed my teeth this morning in my car w/ bottle of water. #lifeontheroad

Some 12 year old kid just whistled and hollered at me. #stillgotit

Kickin' round the streets of Tucson isn't the same without @jamesmunoz & @littlelindsey Did see one familiar face though!! @jerichodavidson

Ugh Austin is way too spread out for my taste. And way too white. No wonder it's #1 city for young people to live in. #stupid

. @crabi We may need to talk about why you are attracted to men who are clearly gay. #voiceinmyhead

Talking bout semen stained walls, eating peoples ashes & beaver hand puppets. I've missed my friends @jamesmunoz @josh_barker @littlelindsey

And just ordered a beer from across the packed bar via @jamesmunoz & had it semi crowd surfed back. #RVAlove

JELLYFISH! and a couple creeps... @mattteel @ruckusdeleon http://t.co/4BxQjYlJ

Life is full of impossible decisions. Thanks again @katungas http://t.co/3Jc7SONW

Yay RVA--->Comfort Chef Jason Alley's Guide to Richmond%2C Virginia: Restaurants %2B Bars: GQ - http://t.co/FlNbC1PN

Wow! Even Silver Diner does "farm to table" now. #whatajoke

WILLIAM SHATNER IS 80 YRS OLD!! #mindblown #sheenroast

"@littlelindsey: Tonight we celebrate @crabi's escape from Richmond and move to DC. Let's wish #beermonster goodbye this evening at Avalon."