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I think I accidentally followed a bunch of narcissists who always brag about the trophies, favs & stars they get for their tweets.
I must be doing a great job raising my kids, because my 8 yr old just asked “Did you get hammered last night?” 😆
Bitches be lame n shit. 11:00 and you’re calling it a night? Need me some younger friends.
@acwelch627 No need for jealousy! Learn to love the beautiful girl in the mirror. You’re perfect just the way you are. 😘
My son just called me sexy and I said, "Don't call me that. Do you know what it means?" and he said,"Yea, it means you look hot." lmao wtf
My 8 year old son just said “Sure, blame it on the white guy.” LOL I don’t have a clue where he gets this shit from.
People say the corniest and sappiest shit on Valentine's Day. Can it just be over already?
"Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you have decided to look beyond the imperfections."
Just laying on my bed while Comcast dude sets up my new box. Not awkward or anything. http://cl.ly/P7Xt/image.jpg
I love my baby girl @kelsyelisee SO much she’s the best daughter ever xoxo💋💞💜😘
@britt_jl Thanks hun, love yours too! Reminds me of a younger version of myself. 😎
Call me crazy, but I love the feeling of the hygienist scraping the plaque off my teeth. I wanna get my own instruments to do it myself. 😁
Why is @kelsyelisee so much funnier than me? 😂 http://yfrog.us/5mj3cxresgicpkltdtfmemtaz …
A 20 minute phone convo to make a fucking hair appointment and you don't even have your calendar? Ain't nobody got time for that.
Holy shit, I gave him a Father's Day card by accident. The look on his face while be was reading it out loud. I ruined #ValentinesDay. 😆
Wow, I wonder if fall out boy has something to announce? I can't tell by my timeline or anything. 😆 @tapdatapp