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Dear Bitch that decided women should work too & ruined everything - I hope all the women in your family are crack whores now. #thanksalot
The day that my brain, vagina & heart can agree on someone I will throw a party for them. Unless of course the party is called a wedding.
I just read my 4am tweets & I'm putting myself in a little time out.
At the bar.
I just ordered a new vibrator and I opted NOT for the 'discreet' packaging b/c I want to fuck w/my mailman. Who's hot. I need to be spayed.
I met some new friends tonight. How do I know they're cool? Bedrooms w/blackout drapes. No sunlight is essential for the people I roll with.
Can someone please fucking remind me why the Tinman wanted a heart?
Vagisil internal body wash?Really?If your crotch stinks so bad you need a separate wash for it maybe you should kill yourself or go to a doc
Time Flies when you're fucked up & laughing maniacally by yourself on your computer huh? Have I gone mad?Fuck it, laughing too hard to care.
You snow who
Dear Guys with silk shirts,
Sometimes you gotta just say what the fuck.
If I knew a hitman, I'd hire them to go and kill 90% of the Reality sHOw Housewives. Esp the buck toothed horsefaced hags aka all of them
I think that it is really cute when people underestimate me.
Dear Liver - I'm SO sorry for last night. Please come home or at least return my calls. I promise only water from now* on. *until tomorrow
Wish list for tonight:
1.) Hash Brownies
2.) Fantastic Oral
3.) Dance off
4.) Hit of E
5.) to have my hair brushed
Not so tough..but alas
Q: How do you know instantly if someone is fucking retarded & possibly a serial killer who eats people?
A: They still use AOL
Waking up with no one hugging and kissing you sucks.
Dear Inventor of the Buffet - Nice concept of communal food when not in a commune. Come here a second so I can slam your dick in my door 10x
I knew that my hangover was going to be significant when I was sucking on my lime to get liquid to take Advil b/c I was too lazy to get up.
Trying to make this fuckin movie & my mac just told me that I need to upgrade my iLife.
No shit.. I'm making a slideshow & not having sex.
I confess I've never felt like a passenger. ~ Roger Waters I'm a Director, Cat Juggler & Master Debater. Prone to dancing like a muppet when my aorta smiles.