Fuck Prince! I WAS THE ONE THAT MADE PURPLE COOL! GOOD DAY SIR!! -Willy Wonka

My voicemail message is of me strangling my cat while reading bible passages. I haven't had a message yet.

sometimes i can tell by just one tweet that i want to be your friend.

I don't remember much algebra, but I know that Ex = fucking crazy

ya know what? fuck it.

Giving someone a second chance is like giving them an extra bullet cause they missed you the first time.

Looks like I'm more on the "die tryin'" end of the spectrum than the "get rich" end.

I always bring a flask to a bar in case I don't agree w/ the bartender when he tells me that I'm cut off, or that they're not even open yet.

People who use a cart at the liquor store, mean business.

When someone tweets something while they’re talking to you on the phone…they don’t love you one bit.

I believe in giving second chances.
Just not third, fourth and fifth chances.
Learn or fuck the hell off xx

I don't want to be like Stick insect model, I like my curves as they are, just like Marilyn Monroe and classy like Audrey Hepburn.

People around me all the time, but they never come close

"Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover" is probably not the best song to sing in public.

Retweet is the new "Honk If…"

Just the mere sight of Arby's puts me in a bad mood.

Chess is childsplay compared to playing charades with the patients at a mental hospital.

Right now, someone you haven't met is out there wondering what it would be like to meet someone like you

Some people need a smash to the face with a fucking hanger.

But only sometimes.

Oh, you're good looking? Well that changes everything.