I'd like to think that clouds one through eight probably weren't half bad either.

I bet washboard abs are really handy on laundry day.

Confusion say, I have no idea what's going on right now.

I always say out loud "gee, what a great spot to mug somebody" when walking through dark alleys so potential robbers know I'm on to them.

A bunch of MILFs living in the same apartment building is an Oedipus complex.

I have a feeling that when rappers contracted the varicella-zoster virus as children, they got chicken Pacs.

Dear Firefox, it saddens me that you don't get along with twitter. All this 'not responding' nonsense. Reminds me of my last relationship.

Never book a judge’s cover band. Lesson learned.

If you've never seriously considered killing somebody before, you've probably never been in love.

You can poke a horse in the eye till it waters, but you can’t make him wink.

Sometimes pushing the envelope just gives you paper cuts.

There is unity within mutiny.

Today seems like a sports bra kind of day. The cheering could get vigorous. #GoPack