If each day is a gift, today was socks.

Don't grow up.....it's a trap!

A starfuck is GREAT but a retweet is equal to not only receiving a sheet tearing fuck but also getting my pussy licked for hours

I think at this point it's safe to say that I'm not exactly what my mother had in mind.

Facebook is where you lie to your friends. Twitter is where you’re honest with complete strangers.

Just once, I want to go to a wedding and see someone object.

I hear a newborn crying upstairs....that reminds me I need to get my tubes tied

Twitter: Bringing people together one mental illness at a time

If I have offended anyone today I am very deeply excited that I have accomplished at least one goal today

Is douchebaggery hereditary?

"Our scars remind us that the past is real"

Don't tell me I'm not talented......I'm tweeting this with my pussy :-)

My funny comes in spurts...like my Twittercrush's cum

Masturbation is like procrastination, it's all good and fun until you realize you are only fucking yourself.

who's still drinking? ME! who is still an asshole....that's right...ME!

Twitter has been unfollowing some of my fav Tweirdos......this calls for action...I WILL CUT YOU TWITTER FUCKING CUT YOU!

You guys love me you really love me!!!!..................when I talk dirty

On my first day of Twitter "Oh my goodness I can't believe people are saying this!" Me Now: Fuck me, eat my pussy, I'm gonna go masturbate"

I'm currently building a city on Rock N' Roll because fuck you

Imperfection is beauty madness is genius & it is better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.