Two Girls One Cup is trending. *collapses into sobbing fetal position* NOT AGAIN! NO, YOU CAN'T MAKE ME LOOK.

Signed up to be a paid poll worker. Boy, was I embarrassed when no one else was wearing body glitter and a bikini.

Cats don't like being vacuumed. Fascinating.

Men and women become cops to make our lives safer. They risk their lives for ours. #RESPECT

Life is too full of beauty and color to be safe and vanilla. Skydive naked, push your hybrid to 110, go for the rainbow sprinkles. Live.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Cest la vie

#thingsthatmakemesmile Scraping superfluous people out of my life like gum off my shoe, so there's room for new, cool people like you.

We need fewer Chuck Norrises and more Snake Pliskins.

Wikipedia taught me all about one man one jar, one man one horse AND 2 girls and a cup. Awesome.

You know you're loved when you skip facebooking/tweeting for a few days and you get numerous, "ARE YOU DEAD?" messages.

Exotic dancers are people too. They work hard, in a dark, shiny void with lots of eyes staring at their every move. Could you do it? RESPECT

IHOP bacon is so undercooked, it still oinks.

RT if you are on #teamiamhellgirl @iamhellgirl

Let the U.S. catch up to the rest of the planet and recognize gay marriage. PASS IT! #respectformarriageact #lbgt

Ever TALK to an exotic dancer, with your eyes above their neck? No? I have. Just people. Normal. With a job. It's that simple. Don't judge.

Sometimes I don't know whether to laugh, cry or stab you multiple times with a spork.

#ff @arkangel99 @mediocresgt @ckscullycat @philo_diamond @lii_woody @lycanthrogrrl @1_evil_pussycat @jrnygirl @socalsunbeam (via @ffhelper)

This is all I have to say to Fox News: http://t.co/zvPgLbJ8

Romantic love is the melting of the "me" and the melding of the "we." - a CrimeWitch original (I hope)

HAHAHAHA "Achmed the Dead Terrorist Christmas Song" Jeff Dunham http://t.co/E4zVxGol