Happy Birthday Mr Hugh Hefner. Sir. Thank you. You know...for the articles and stuff.

Everyday I wake up thinking "Who really needs to die violently?". The numbers astound me. Really.

I'm getting the feeling that a lot of people have quit therapy and joined twitter.

Grrrr! FUCKING WHORESUCKNASSLICKERS!!BWAAHAHAHA! BLOODCLOTSHITSTAINPISSLICKINGANALPROBE ASSSTICKITUPPERS!PUSSSOREPOPPERS!!LA LA LA LA LA LOO

Little known fact. Jesus' middle name as Horace.

I hate motherfuckers who fake cough when I light a joint or smoke.

I ate a bug. It was an accident...or maye the little fucker was commiting buggy suicide. Whatever...it's dead. Weep motherfuckers! WEEP

I can feel the blood rushing through my veins...

Never EVER ask a woman to marry you until you've met all of her sisters.

How the fuck do some ppl just happen to know what day it is? I need some sort of reminder, like the TV guide.

So there I was, having a staring contest with my penis when he sprayed me in the eye with a foul concoction. Cheater!!

I never lost my virginity. I remember right where I left it.

Why do some people refer to their followers as fans? Most of you ain't fucking celebrities. Get over yourselves.

Remember the good old days of gaming when all you were worried about was "Am I Blue or Red?"

Just because I don't respond to every tweet don't mean I'm not taking notes.

@brutaljimmigore Whores get paid. Sluts do it for free. :)

Ever notice how unattractive female celebrities are lesbians?

There should be some sort of death penalty for companies that advertise with 5 minute commercials. Fucking Bow-Flex.

WTF is with #Grapes suit? #NHLPlayoffs #Canucks will #BringItHome

When I get old, I hope I remember to fake senility.