Hearing Impaired Leopard #EarlierVersionsOfBands

Motel 6: We'll Leave the Blacklight on For You. #failedslogans

@therealroseanne The real hypocrisy is when the abortion haters also fight contraception and gay adoption. Talk about incongruent.

The Girl with the Infected Tattoo #HorribleSequel

We Reserve The Right To Take Away Yours #ConservativeBumperStickers

Schindler's Grocery List #HorribleSequel

@vdoozer I won't lie. I never gave your show a try. But your passion has won me over. I'm in. And I am a Nielsen (diary) family.

I just realized there is a hashtag on my telephone.

Jon and Kate Plus Henry VIII #16thCenturySitComs

@virgiltexas @countryxoxmusic @therealroseanne Roseanne once told me to go fuck myself. Turns out I enjoyed it. Divorced my wife even.

I am currently working on a game show called Words with Enemies. People yell at each other but spell out the words.

@joshtpm GOP voters are asked to sum up Romney in two words. The consensus is "Shit Sandwich."

Dear @tacobell Thanks for sponsoring the @comedycentral roast of @therealroseanne. #Roseanne Roast http://t.co/lSIpZgqQ

@johnfugelsang What do you call 700 right wing males with nothing better to do? A gay pride parade.

Romney/Ryan: We Don't Care So You Don't Have To.

Why didn't they name it "Bi-Curiosity?" Is it because Martians love Chick-Fil-A?

Polk Fiction #OtherFictitiousPresidentialFilms

@therealroseanne Student loan debt is exempt from bankruptcy and can be collected by garnishing SocSec checks.

Now that I'm approaching 38 I really regret having that mid-life crisis when I was 20.

So sorry your pilot was not picked up. And about your father's cancer. #HollywoodHallmark