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  • Crom1984
      Crom1984 @Crom1984

    I just read a list of "100 things to do before you die". I am surprised "yell for help" wasn't one of them.......

    • 10
    • FAVS
    FadeAway2ashrav80OldSadBastardnikkiloweryjeffgladstonethings_l_hatePurldBigCheeseCast
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    PurldMrTwoAitchDr_Oy
  • Crom1984
      Crom1984 @Crom1984

    Common sense is like deodorant...The people who need it most never use it......

    • 9
    • FAVS
    pat_hmChicana_ChicjustmyfreedomFadeAway2THAT_MrDevillepeachgrenadeshamroxmysoxC_J_Commode
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    justmyfreedomFadeAway2THAT_MrDevilleCool_Hand_Keith__
  • Crom1984
      Crom1984 @Crom1984

    My girlfriend said, "I want you to whisper dirty things in my ear". I put my mouth to her ear and said, "Kitchen, bathroom, livingroom..."

    • 9
    • FAVS
    LicoriceNipplesStr8GuyGayQuotezgbettyShavewcsCelebYouTauntoozycoozeonionfartsRykWeston
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    CelebYouTauntRykWestonbeaterbaja
  • Crom1984
      Crom1984 @Crom1984

    Kim Kardashian is expecting Kanye's baby. Doctors have said it is still too early to tell, but it will probably turn out to be an asshole.

    • 6
    • FAVS
    envyinohioJcupbur10cmfcknwCay_JENTheBigBatmanbrittanysbox
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    Jcupbur10brainsdocCay_JENbrittanysbox
  • Crom1984
      Crom1984 @Crom1984

    My girlfriend caught me blow drying my penis last night and asked me what I was doing. I replied, "Heating up your dinner."

    • 8
    • FAVS
    sexicarmiecarmindysYoursexellenceyoursfortonightCuddleboobieslaynesheltonbouncerfacepeachgrenade
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    OhHellsYesbouncerface
  • Crom1984
      Crom1984 @Crom1984

    Those first two guys who thought Superman was a bird or a plane...
    What the fuck were they so excited about?.....

    • 5
    • FAVS
    MkjkfitzgeraldJulesJuliettaPrinzassofTruthPrince_Smarminggrammar_cunt
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    MkjkfitzgeraldJulesJuliettaPrinzassofTruthPrince_Smarming
  • Crom1984
      Crom1984 @Crom1984

    No matter how amazing you are at something, there will always be an 8 year old Asian kid who is better......

    • 7
    • FAVS
    5hanersFadeAway2roadkill3xashfuckingsays__ElmoFuckFaceCuntRuntEric_Bader
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    FilterlessFemmeEric_Bader
  • Crom1984
      Crom1984 @Crom1984

    The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway is usually a poor judge of distance......

    • 6
    • FAVS
    5hanersFadeAway2Marshall_LolzladyjazsjunkcmplaywthmeNostradamnisuck
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    ladyjazsjunkNostradamnisuck
  • Crom1984
      Crom1984 @Crom1984

    Breaking a mirror is 7 years of bad luck. Breaking a condom is 18......

    • 6
    • FAVS
    5hanersFadeAway2SinD357TheodohfortuitouslifeTHAT_MrDeville
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    SinD357THAT_MrDeville
  • Crom1984
      Crom1984 @Crom1984

    When you go on a first date, make sure you understand each others meanings of 'Eating out'......

    • 6
    • FAVS
    MelloPsycholaynesheltonlalastrailerDemented_JokesCelebrityChezAyeGimp
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    AyeGimp
  • Crom1984
      Crom1984 @Crom1984

    I'm really worried about my Parrot. He keeps saying "I can't go on I hate my life". My room-mate's too selfish to notice, he's always crying

    • 5
    • FAVS
    nikkilowerymoresparklesCainReduxNate_T_LopezMrTwoAitch
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    Nate_T_LopezMrTwoAitch
  • Crom1984
      Crom1984 @Crom1984

    My dad was so competitive that on his death bed, as he breathed his last, he said, "Staring contest .. GO".

    • 4
    • FAVS
    MrTwoAitchPleasantSurprizTiredof_urshitCzickenShack
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    PleasantSurprizTiredof_urshit
  • Crom1984
      Crom1984 @Crom1984

    Whenever you're feeling powerless, just remember that just one of your turds can shut down a whole swimming pool.......

    • 3
    • FAVS
    MaleNosniborbeaterbajaA_Bit_Too_Rude
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    metalheadpbeaterbajaA_Bit_Too_Rude
  • Crom1984
      Crom1984 @Crom1984

    Yeeeah boi.... Hey what the..... http://t.co/BeBFvA04

    • 3
    • FAVS
    MarcPaloulaGeekgasm_sirshucky
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    sirshuckyedward_baxterAyeGimp
  • Crom1984
      Crom1984 @Crom1984

    What if all the boys were heading to the yard anyway, and kelis's milkshake had nothing to do with it?......

    • 5
    • FAVS
    FadeAway2frostbyte987CoastiefishSeeEllVeepukenpoop__
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    pukenpoop__
  • Crom1984
      Crom1984 @Crom1984

    I would never bungee jump, a broken rubber brought me into this world and god dammit its not taking me out......

    • 4
    • FAVS
    FadeAway2TheodohletsdancebitchsTHAT_MrDeville
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    BloatedCarcassTHAT_MrDeville
  • Crom1984
      Crom1984 @Crom1984

    Porn gives young people an unhealthy and unrealistic idea of how quickly a plumber will come to your house......

    • 4
    • FAVS
    CandicePantzFredPollackHalfCocked_Jacksharky54301
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    sharky54301
  • Crom1984
      Crom1984 @Crom1984

    I can't believe my next door neighbour thinks I'm stalking her. Or how bad the handwriting is in her diary......

    • 3
    • FAVS
    ImmorallyFixateBrentweetsMintyCow
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    shadreamMintyCow
  • Crom1984
      Crom1984 @Crom1984

    The best place to break up with your girlfriend is in McDonald's. There's no sharp knives or heavy plates and you can hide behind a fat kid.

    • 2
    • FAVS
    imalilfrazyPabloGSerski
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    thehillchildimalilfrazyPabloGSerski
  • Crom1984
      Crom1984 @Crom1984

    A dog is a man's best friend. Lock your dog & wife in the boot of your car for an hour. When you open it see who is really happy to see you

    • 2
    • FAVS
    RuebenMederosA_Bit_Too_Rude
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    RuebenMederosSamuelRahsaanA_Bit_Too_Rude
@Crom1984

@Crom1984

Suffer no guilt, ye who wield this in the name of Crom.