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What a terrible day, I got a rip in my second favorite Peabo Bryson T-Shirt while dusting the ceiling fan.
I like girls with tight pants and loose morals.
#ThingsPeopleHaveToStopDoing Taking #AutoEroticAsphyxiation too far
Wish I had a night full of blunts and cunts, but instead just a couch and a tobacco pouch.
Once in a state of confusion I raped a Care Bear. I feel better getting that load off of my chest 2 bad Tenderheart couldn't get it off his.
I want to build one of those awesome ships in a bottle inside my dick I bet chicks would definitely go wild over that game on penis piercers
I hate when cripples do anything but fall down.
My shit looked like a McRib fucked a Shrinkydink
I don't know what's worse diarrhea or everything else.
I just decided if I commit suicide it will be in the movie theatre watching Channing Tatums new movie "Magic Mike" after a nice Milk Steak
Holy Shit I got a wedding to go to this weekend and all of the #DenimTuxedos were gone at the store I shoulda remembered its the #CMTAwards
#YouOutYoDamnMindIf You think I am going to toss a salad without washing my hands first.
#GirlsLoveWhen You sneak into their house and jack off into their underwear drawer.......then make them breakfast. #ItsTheLittleThings
#ThingsJustGotRealWhen Her husband got home early. #WhereTheHellAreMyPants
#BackWhenIWasAKid Third graders weren't fucking. Girls still had cooties but not the kind I was tryin to get in.
I hate when I'm taking a shit and my pants are on.
I say what I think, I do what I want, drink a shitload and bang fine Trim on the reg. Ladies the Stache isn't just for looks feel free to take the tour. #Stoner