'Best for healthy fibre'. Polite way of saying it'll make you crap like a load of slippers falling out of a loft.

Biblical sex genotypes. Adam: XY, Eve: XX, Delilah: YYY.

A mitochondrion walks into a bar and orders a glass of adenosine triphosphate. The barkeeper says: "That'll be 80p, then."

My mum and I had an idea: if police stop & search you and find nothing bad, they have to give you £5 and sing you a song.

Stop hiding behind the label 'pro-life' and just admit you hate women having sex for fun.

I'm pro-abortion the same way I'm pro-heart surgery and pro-antibiotics. Shit saves lives.

The Boxing Day Hunt is a BRITISH TRADITION & without it Hitler will RISE FROM THE DEAD & the countryside will LITERALLY EXPLODE. #Tory

You know what? Fuck 'everyone is beautiful'. It should be 'it's perfectly okay to be ugly'. Why is being attractive so worthy?

Pro-choice IS the real pro-life. Without safe, legal abortion access, abortions will still happen but dangerously and fatally. #wewontgoback

NOBODY wants the NHS Bill except the shareholders of the private health companies. It was in no-one's manifesto. None of us voted for it.

If you feel the need to add 'no offence' to a statement, maybe you should just stop saying shit that's inherently offensive?

The DWP thinks you can be actively looking for work while on workfare, but not (in my case) while doing an Open University course.

@incurablehippie "I don't perceive that this is a problem, therefore it isn't a problem!" The perpetual argument of the privileged.

Implication of "I wouldn't make fun of somebody for being gay because that isn’t a choice": if it was a choice, I would make fun of you.

If you steal the Queen's crown off her head & evade capture for 30 minutes you get free gin for life.

Beethoven was black: http://t.co/IwwAXkGq or at least didn't have the white Anglo features he's normally depicted with.

How come you can wank yourself off but you can't tickle yourself?

7/10 doctors & nurses call for the NHS bill to be dropped. Police turn up to peaceful protests with machine guns. Fuck you, David Cameron.

"Private medicine is fundamentally unBritish. Its sole purpose is to jump the queue." #BlocktheBridge

Bicycle inner tube. Wee in it. Freeze. Peel off rubbery tube. Pissy hoop! Throw over Cameron's head. Hahaha, piss hoop Tory!