Fuck you, I'm a cat.

One time I had sex with a unicorn. Shit was going fine until he started quoting Sarah Palin.

I'm going to find @cool_jesse and give him a blow job. Then I'm going to pour gasoline in a giant fish tank. Lol. Spring break! :)

@cool_jesse Please, describe this further in detail. I need fapping material.

A bus has driven over my tail!

Horny cats are still cats. We deserve rights. And cocaine.

@cool_jesse That is because they eat all of it so they can become diabetic and die faster to avoid being put in retirement homes.

Tonight I put a tampon inside my pony. Figure THAT one out before dawn.

@cool_jesse If you don't have bacon in your fridge, you're fucking living wrong.

Being a cat is hard. Especially when nobody will give you some fucking cocaine.

I really love bacon.

If this guy behind me mentions Desperate Housewives one more time...

@cool_jesse I like to hide my cocaine inside hollowed out blocks of cheese.

“@cool_jesse: My brain itches.” This made me fart, and I liked it.

Don't snort all of your cocaine in one sitting.

Blonde bitches love me.

Sometimes I rub bacon on my face to achieve orgasm.

FUCK YOU. I HAVE SEX WITH A LOT OF HOT MOMS.

I smell lube. :)

#FF @djr_102 and @cool_jesse. Sexy fucks. COCAINE FOR EVERYONE THAT FOLLOWS THEM!