Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Here's why signing in is good for you.
How did Nigerians get so good at email scams, didn't they just get electricity last week
Why yes scooter store commercial, I have fallen down in the past year. I dont care if it was alcohol related I want my lazy chair!
Woke up early, turned on tv, Walker Texas Ranger is on, I'm 5 seconds in and I've already roundhoused the hat stand and threw my remote
That awkward moment when the toilet seat shifts crazy to the right and you realize you're fat
Wtf they are making a Ghostbusters 3, did they learn nothing from the travesty that was the second
If netflix streaming is like a video store at my house, then where is the porn section hidden by a thin curtain, and all the eyes of disgust
Completely random thought of the day, I need a damn bj....side note, I have this random thought at least 83 times/day
Sometimes I burp loudly in my dogs face, I'm not sure if it shows dominance but he knows I'm the boss
I think people complaining about hipsters all the time are the new hipsters, I'm tired of both groups
@mcsquealio #mctotd Dear Abbey, what are you doing for dick these days?
Sincerely,
Fully Cocked and Loaded
I bet they could have pulled off a Weekend at Bernies deal with Whitney at the Grammys tonight
I love when I hear someone yelling "boo" simply because I can then yell "bees" and then stare at the biggest set of tits nearby
You look like someone who would itch his asshole then grab some chips from the community bowl
Pretty sure the nose hair I just pulled out was linked to my damn brain, holy watery eyes
When people question my reckless ways I tell them no worries, I have the contra code in my dna, by my count I have a good 17 lives left
Hey oprah, your bio says "live your best life" well for me to do that I need your net worth so I can fix the cubs, fork it over
I've been called the local handy man yet I have no tools? Tweets are my own and in no way represent my employers
