Hey cheerleaders: I'm not gonna let you see me get down. #cheerswag

@nick_kad Thanks. Expecting the same talent I saw in Katy Tuesday.

Is there a run rule at prom?

Wasn't that your girl on Maury?

Thick girls >

Sell crazy somewhere else. We're all full up here.

#iDontLikeWhen Umps have their heads up their ass. #baseballswag

The Pacers reminded me of the Mormon girl I grew up with up that last play. No D!

@jessicamwl It is. Thanks. 4 concussions teach you to count your blessings.

Latest brain MRI came back unchanged. Always good when that happens. #tbiawareness

Saw @paingainmovie yet again today. @keili_lefkovitz on the big screen is too much. Be still my beating heart.

Off to see @thehangover , Channeling my inner Bradley Cooper.

S/O to the board fucktards of Memorial Northwest that make me have to go to the Galleria to lay bay the pool.

My tweets were funnier when I was getting laid on the reg.

Since my assist leader twittercided, I've been as popular as Kobe up in this bitch. Whatevs.

Bitches get stitches. - Chris Brown

@paulccasares I'm a Democrat. This is worse. The arrogance is appalling.

Is there a Beer Pong circuit? I would be a fucking All-Star.

110 days until the @houstontexans travel to the @chargers for @espnmondaynight . #NFLOpeningWeekend

The First Amendment is the most important part of the Constitution. The President needs to quit pissing all over it.