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  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    There are 2 types of people: Those that think they are normal, and those that realize there is no such thing.

    • 1,583
    • FAVS
    MischievousJamandyfwhiteleolioness0486_TwistedCrazzycandyland1996yesterdaygirlyAtlLeopardLadyjdforshort
    • 1,430
    • RETWEETS
    charlene_mariaMischievousJamleolioness0486_TwistedCrazzyyesterdaygirlyAtlLeopardLadySexy_centjdforshort
    Bourbon_luv______
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    One man's LOL is another man's WTF

    • 1,590
    • FAVS
    GraemeisAwesomelakerwhoMischievousJamCamel_CrushinElleAysjdforshortBigRetweetsOLDIRTYDIAPER
    • 1,209
    • RETWEETS
    lakerwhoMischievousJamCamel_CrushinLea_SaadejdforshortBigRetweetsrpward51salamingia
    mrjohntofu
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    I'm an adult. I can eat a cupcake for breakfast & call it a muffin if I want

    • 1,427
    • FAVS
    terio1429__MischievousJamscubaristarpinkkinkyflElleAyszenofawesome1jdforshortOhYeahILied
    • 986
    • RETWEETS
    JamesRodacyterio1429__MischievousJamjdforshortjoelpeterdavidrabbithole423ragingvetawkwardphilippe
    Nicholey23
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Dear lady arguing w/ the clerk over whether or not it is "good" champagne: YOU ARE IN A GAS STATION!

    • 1,424
    • FAVS
    TimPaffordMischievousJamnutty_floresmarcelmtlrabbithole423awkwardphilippenovicefatherJediGigi
    • 745
    • RETWEETS
    TimPaffordMischievousJamfavstar_historyjoelpeterdavidrabbithole423lordofthedeliawkwardphilippeBeezerStPierre
    SwartyComedySamDeLanche10InchesPlus
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Why are the people with the most annoying laughs the ones that find everything hysterical?

    • 1,263
    • FAVS
    thenoahkinseyDoctorForPlagueJulesC70MischievousJam_jennjennPlanet_Rochellerabbithole423YourPrincess_L
    • 840
    • RETWEETS
    thenoahkinseyMariamTheMuffinJulesC70MischievousJamjoelpeterdavidrabbithole423YourPrincess_LAdrianaVebel
    Halbeerzjunejuly12
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    When beer and cheese isn't the answer... Change the question

    • 1,063
    • FAVS
    rabbithole423llvvzzznovicefatherDionneMcNuttlisaOoOoRandomAnticsMableGertrudeJesKeepSwimming
    • 737
    • RETWEETS
    rabbithole423DionneMcNutt444FasoldToxicProbablyRevScoopDawgcfishingbaliska2notbedelia
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    People at work tell me I have a lot of patience.

    Fact is… there are just way too many witnesses around

    • 1,057
    • FAVS
    Black__Elvisthenoahkinseyhook8669JulesC70MischievousJamrabbithole423novicefatherSteelersfan9412
    • 714
    • RETWEETS
    thenoahkinseyhook8669JulesC70MischievousJamrabbithole423lisaOoOoamberjoysnydersbbyvelociraptor
    KatieBurnettfixyourcompass
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    I've seen bacon... I've cooked and eaten bacon... and you turkey bacon... are NOT bacon.

    • 1,008
    • FAVS
    rabbithole423PWEMzachv86novicefathersgtpd75JediGigiMableGertrudeJesKeepSwimming
    • 603
    • RETWEETS
    rabbithole423quhbanovicefathernotbedeliaEmptyKoolAidCupImTheOnlyMeHereNeon_DragonMSN2BE
    TexasVampicehead13DudeImShawn
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Some of my best memories were my worst mistakes

    • 901
    • FAVS
    MischievousJamrabbithole423novicefatherDionneMcNuttlisaOoOoRandomAnticsDilemmaEmmaEmmanancypants990
    • 642
    • RETWEETS
    MariamTheMuffinConnorFortyFFC_UFCMischievousJamjoelpeterdavidSpero__rabbithole423ChooseHeather
    MSN2BE
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    If guys could blow themselves, Twitter would just be a bunch of ladies entertaining each other

    • 755
    • FAVS
    justme_Debbirabbithole423novicefatherlisaOoOoRandomAnticsJesKeepSwimmingIAmKashWahDearAbbySimon
    • 481
    • RETWEETS
    joelpeterdavidjustme_Debbirabbithole423DearAbbySimonnotbedeliaSquizbotOneFunnyMummymzjaxij
    Overdue_Bills
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Lessons learned from last night: There is no such thing as a goalie in darts

    • 689
    • FAVS
    tamerakelly_MischievousJamCrystalMoon214novicefatherlisaOoOoRandomAnticsclemwinclowndro
    • 451
    • RETWEETS
    MischievousJamjoelpeterdavidrabbithole423lisaOoOoTinaElleryLuvPugella__fraserGina52263819
    SunnySideUp1987Smooheedshay_kinbakeabrosenthal
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    The only yoga I'm good at is downward facing drunk

    • 643
    • FAVS
    AggiejwhMischievousJamstrangersonanetChickadiddleragingvetsparko__polocpt_ball_creamrabbithole423
    • 381
    • RETWEETS
    Benjaw1nAggiejwhMischievousJamragingvetcpt_ball_creamjoelpeterdavidrabbithole423ChooseHeather
    DionneMcNutt
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Let's settle this like men... men with bad judgment & unlimited water balloons

    • 605
    • FAVS
    Bob_Jankeella__fraserJesKeepSwimmingIAmKashWahSquizbotcbme69__sixfootcandySouthernStylin1
    • 352
    • RETWEETS
    ella__fraserSquizbotcbme69__GreGooglyMooglyCaniacMONKfaceofmultiversEightinchgoatmav3y
    SgtButtCheeks
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Apparently, thumb wrestling isn't an acceptable form of solving an office dispute. Idiots.

    • 582
    • FAVS
    novicefatherJesKeepSwimmingIAmKashWahPumpkinbabypieTlaxBoy05Squizbotcbme69__sixfootcandy
    • 299
    • RETWEETS
    jefwin46Eranga_94rabbithole423sandragalusicGina52263819TlaxBoy05Squizbotcbme69__
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Every once in a while I will scroll thru my TL really fast & pretend I'm in that I Love Lucy episode with the conveyor belt & the chocolates

    • 593
    • FAVS
    rangermom05_pamrabbithole423JesKeepSwimmingIAmKashWahTlaxBoy05Squizbotcbme69__GinaRClark
    • 258
    • RETWEETS
    rabbithole42369shadesoftaarJesKeepSwimmingGina52263819Stephie_LarkTlaxBoy05Squizbotcbme69__
    TINY_TOESIES______emireecrairemrtruthandsoul
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Is the Pumpkin Spice McRib out yet?

    • 467
    • FAVS
    MischievousJamNicole39077483rangermom05_pamSarahR_82rabbithole423darrrkstarrrAVDbacks15chauneuf
    • 338
    • RETWEETS
    MischievousJamrabbithole423SarahR_82darrrkstarrrazguerohaolegurl808anagracevkcRickAaron
    Adam14
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Having a dog around pretty much denies any opportunity to take advantage of the 5 second rule on a dropped chip

    • 462
    • FAVS
    rangermom05_pamrabbithole423RandomAnticsJesKeepSwimmingIAmKashWahPumpkinbabypieLTP_15TlaxBoy05
    • 300
    • RETWEETS
    rangermom05_pamrabbithole423Gina52263819LTP_15TlaxBoy05Squizbotsixfootcandymav3y
    One_FineMess
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Pointless nitpicking is my god given right as an American and an asshole

    • 513
    • FAVS
    rabbithole423novicefatherJesKeepSwimmingIAmKashWahVodkantotsStephie_LarkSquizbotOneFunnyMummy
    • 206
    • RETWEETS
    rabbithole423novicefatherIAmKashWahElizabethDeMoredivadontcareVodkantotsTlaxBoy05Squizbot
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Everytime I see loose coins on the floor in front of a vending machine, I wonder if Michael J Fox was there earlier trying to buy a Snickers

    • 447
    • FAVS
    MischievousJamjeffram74rabbithole423Sezzamazingun1xphysconovicefatherNdeshi_MJesKeepSwimming
    • 267
    • RETWEETS
    MischievousJamrabbithole423JerelCarterun1xphysconovicefatherNdeshi_MIAmKashWahSquizbot
    concretesledge_caperbc75danrgraberRidiculousSheriAdam14
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Tweeting after inhaling helium isn't nearly as fun as I thought it would be

    • 473
    • FAVS
    rabbithole423Ndeshi_MSylverKibRohanAlcMzCoburn3rd_darkangelJesKeepSwimmingIAmKashWah
    • 196
    • RETWEETS
    rabbithole423Ndeshi_M69shadesoftaarSylverKib3rd_darkangelJesKeepSwimmingVodkantotsTlaxBoy05
@DBMaxP

@DBMaxP

Occasionally wrong, but never in doubt