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Okay, we shall bug you no longer
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    There are 2 types of people: Those that think they are normal, and those that realize there is no such thing.

    • 1,845
    • FAVS
    KentWGrahamTheThreeDivasKateWhineHallmavisritafarrowmagicraisinGeekasaurus99princessloisacarolmariie
    • 1,638
    • RETWEETS
    roshan530RicLippincottKateWhineHallGeekasaurus99OriginalLozLoveNLunchmeatIn_TwittalandJ_Illunninati
    Bourbon_luv______
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    One man's LOL is another man's WTF

    • 1,807
    • FAVS
    KentWGrahamKateWhineHallJ_IllunninatiElisha_JenkinssJez1sweetg35DennisKaymerCrystalMoon214
    • 1,366
    • RETWEETS
    KentWGrahamJ_IllunninatiElisha_JenkinssJez1The_MartiniGirlmoturi100DennisKaymerjuneohara65
    mrjohntofu
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    I'm an adult. I can eat a cupcake for breakfast & call it a muffin if I want

    • 1,596
    • FAVS
    KentWGrahamKateWhineHallmagicraisinJ_IllunninatiNo_Halo_HereJane___Jonesowenbarutikathybotteas
    • 1,099
    • RETWEETS
    KentWGrahamJ_IllunninatiKeri_shaBeatzNClapzJhawkguy11iRealWalikathybotteasVice_Queen
    Nicholey23
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Dear lady arguing w/ the clerk over whether or not it is "good" champagne: YOU ARE IN A GAS STATION!

    • 1,606
    • FAVS
    _troyjohnsonKentWGrahamKateWhineHallmagicraisinJ_IllunninatiHiddleDeeDeebeefman138kcmoore51
    • 833
    • RETWEETS
    magicraisinJ_IllunninatiGoatcheese95HiddleDeeDeebeefman138kcmoore51FlyJ_vexroid
    SwartyComedySamDelanche10InchesPlus
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Why are the people with the most annoying laughs the ones that find everything hysterical?

    • 1,441
    • FAVS
    CMHorrocksKentWGrahammaryam911timdonakowskicluedidntsatirist_pkSuperTeeWhyGatorBearCA
    • 954
    • RETWEETS
    KentWGrahamAquiasSpiesfunTweeters_troyjohnsonxophaneiRealWaliella__fraserlaurajrichter
    OneFunnyMummyHalbeerzjunejuly12
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    When beer and cheese isn't the answer... Change the question

    • 1,168
    • FAVS
    Yurga91EGRudnermcwoodybeelooFiddlguruJuliasPappaHenryFiishBuffaloHomo
    • 815
    • RETWEETS
    JuliasPappaManicRtShlokaBadkarMiss_MuchoBuffaloHomo_troyjohnsoni_wasnt_lookingUncleBob56
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    People at work tell me I have a lot of patience.

    Fact is… there are just way too many witnesses around

    • 1,179
    • FAVS
    _troyjohnsonTowherenowMiniwheats2012Jez1Ndeshi_MKateWhineHallScooby_DookJ_Illunninati
    • 798
    • RETWEETS
    Miniwheats2012sc2caliJez1Ndeshi_MJ_IllunninatiHiddleDeeDeebeefman138kcmoore51
    KatieBurnettfixyourcompass
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Some of my best memories were my worst mistakes

    • 1,074
    • FAVS
    _troyjohnsonTowherenowsanju_caMiniwheats2012KateWhineHalllorigonzalez28dsherb002BeCoco77
    • 781
    • RETWEETS
    imsadakatsanju_caMiniwheats2012riesypieceyYagyankSGauravZeeshandsherb002BeCoco77
    NaomiGlitterIdeal_VictoriaClarkeMcMakinMSN2BE
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    I've seen bacon... I've cooked and eaten bacon... and you turkey bacon... are NOT bacon.

    • 1,123
    • FAVS
    EGRudnercatherinerocks_UncleBob56ElamGloNdeshi_MAlanoMorris_RexKateWhineHallPamakayTaylor
    • 668
    • RETWEETS
    RevMGDasliceofcreepyUncleBob56Ndeshi_MJenni4MoBaconiRealWaliella__fraserHiddleDeeDee
    TexasVampicehead13DudeImShawn
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Lessons learned from last night: There is no such thing as a goalie in darts

    • 939
    • FAVS
    GatorBearCAKennycruzinlordofth_ERINgsCottieBraskyjordansodapopamandajpandaJerryThomas_troyjohnson
    • 600
    • RETWEETS
    KennycruzinchilliconnectSteveDaly15_troyjohnsoni_wasnt_lookingrage_chaosNdeshi_Mkspinks4485
    IQuitTwittah__Smooheedshay_kinbakeabrosenthal
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    If guys could blow themselves, Twitter would just be a bunch of ladies entertaining each other

    • 844
    • FAVS
    Ndeshi_Mscott_atlantamkpaulsenThatGirlHealyJaywoo74kroger1205jillybeans1982kcmoore51
    • 533
    • RETWEETS
    Ndeshi_Mscott_atlantakspinks4485Jaywoo74luca_biasikcmoore51HiddleDeeDeeFlyJ_
    Overdue_Bills
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    The only yoga I'm good at is downward facing drunk

    • 806
    • FAVS
    deutschheuteNdeshi_MKateWhineHallBeCoco77Bloodshot_InkWhiteRabbitRioNaughtyFratStarMichaelNewsom80
    • 466
    • RETWEETS
    Ndeshi_ME_lok44TorisNinjaSpidrlejehnbbmac25tailing2ideasmissekayRUFknKiddingMe
    DionneMcNutt
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Let's settle this like men... men with bad judgment & unlimited water balloons

    • 677
    • FAVS
    Ndeshi_MBluestmoon_ninakcarrollJaywoo74kroger1205kcmoore51Vice_QueenGrantJ18
    • 400
    • RETWEETS
    Ndeshi_MBluestmoon_kcmoore51GrantJ18FlyJ_ShutUpThatsWhoNewagewizardOneFunnyMummy
    SgtButtCheeks__
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Apparently, thumb wrestling isn't an acceptable form of solving an office dispute. Idiots.

    • 655
    • FAVS
    VexenRiversstalkinghandsNdeshi_MtrainwreckzoeCrooow1ella__fraserJaywoo74Mor_Lhug
    • 341
    • RETWEETS
    stalkinghandsNdeshi_MCrooow1iRealWaliella__fraserglamerizemeadamPaulineBarleyMor_Lhug
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Every once in a while I will scroll thru my TL really fast & pretend I'm in that I Love Lucy episode with the conveyor belt & the chocolates

    • 653
    • FAVS
    Ndeshi_Mella__fraserfl0wj0bkcmoore51FlyJ_ShutUpThatsWhon_dupeshotgun_ryder23
    • 292
    • RETWEETS
    Ndeshi_MiRealWaliella__fraserkcmoore51FlyJ_OneFunnyMummylovemyboots111howrudeareyou
    TINY_TOESIES______emilylimemrtruthandsoul
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Is the Pumpkin Spice McRib out yet?

    • 547
    • FAVS
    Ndeshi_Mella__fraserLoveNLunchmeatThe_MartiniGirlCantuJacklyncougarcallgirl1kcmoore51WarWithMyMind
    • 387
    • RETWEETS
    perpetua87Ndeshi_MiRealWaliella__fraserravingrantglamerizemeadamCantuJacklynkcmoore51
    Adam14
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Having a dog around pretty much denies any opportunity to take advantage of the 5 second rule on a dropped chip

    • 534
    • FAVS
    Ndeshi_MCheetCheetTraintrainwreckzoemamagrammsIamBranManella__fraserLoveNLunchmeatroper364
    • 346
    • RETWEETS
    BangYouBabyNdeshi_MCheetCheetTrainIamBranManella__fraserfl0wj0bkcmoore51FlyJ_
    One_FineMess
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Everytime I see loose coins on the floor in front of a vending machine, I wonder if Michael J Fox was there earlier trying to buy a Snickers

    • 510
    • FAVS
    LoveNLunchmeatglamerizemeadamphilthy0philSusieP_53Rainbow__TigerLoveDrunkATXkcmoore51WarWithMyMind
    • 302
    • RETWEETS
    kcmoore51WarWithMyMindHiddleDeeDeeRuthlessBettylovemyboots111maybe_malloyamaferapdxjohnny99
    concretesledge_caperbc75danrgraberRidiculousSheriAdam14
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Tea without sugar isn't "unsweetened tea".

    It's. Just. Tea.

    • 509
    • FAVS
    EGRudnerMustBeAdamNotEdelweissDonQuickoatsNdeshi_MLoveNLunchmeatamhigginscrayjloreed
    • 280
    • RETWEETS
    P4TTT_blackbeauttyNdeshi_Mspidersense_kcmoore51guitarstikibarsatieyKAllInFunTx
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Pointless nitpicking is my god given right as an American and an asshole

    • 560
    • FAVS
    Ndeshi_Mella__fraserroper364kcmoore51sunonesmydmacmultipervlaurennbriannaa
    • 227
    • RETWEETS
    P4TTTNdeshi_MOpusMagnus42ella__fraserkcmoore51jcstarzykAddisonandClarkSnarfernini
@DBMaxP

@DBMaxP

Occasionally wrong, but never in doubt

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