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  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    There are 2 types of people: Those that think they are normal, and those that realize there is no such thing.

    • 1,494
    • FAVS
    darkphoenix_68Regina_UniverseLurkAtHomeMomPee_And_GigglesLilShanteJlukachenavcRohitKohli236meshellmanu
    • 1,353
    • RETWEETS
    TheDragonLadySARegina_UniverseLurkAtHomeMomlukachenavcRohitKohli236ebethmckee29KimBru49vtrapp11
    Bourbon_luv______
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    One man's LOL is another man's WTF

    • 1,495
    • FAVS
    LurkAtHomeMomPee_And_Gigglesmanisha_jhaRohitKohli236Dupree878lalalola16KireiOniSheOverAnalyzes
    • 1,132
    • RETWEETS
    manisha_jha_yolzZz_2RohitKohli236clearlynotsoberwhaddupbruhhKireiOniSheOverAnalyzesem2wice
    mrjohntofu
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    I'm an adult. I can eat a cupcake for breakfast & call it a muffin if I want

    • 1,319
    • FAVS
    LurkAtHomeMomBad_Girl_Bexbob_hollimandgscott146TinaRaicheThRealBallsDeepniicolalalacbme69
    • 913
    • RETWEETS
    KerriSnooperwhaddupbruhhElasticHipposchwebebananadgscott146TRI11HA5HHB_mutungiThRealBallsDeep
    Nicholey23
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Dear lady arguing w/ the clerk over whether or not it is "good" champagne: YOU ARE IN A GAS STATION!

    • 1,358
    • FAVS
    Pee_And_Gigglesebethmckee29KrissysmindBeardedManFaceBad_Girl_Bexbob_hollimanwildandblue2204drdbg
    • 705
    • RETWEETS
    whaddupbruhhadilmohammed91_BeardedManFacemyerisedschwebebananaThRealBallsDeepcbme69NotEdelweiss
    SamDeLanche10InchesPlus
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Why are the people with the most annoying laughs the ones that find everything hysterical?

    • 1,186
    • FAVS
    Regina_UniverseLurkAtHomeMomAM_Lawerray_marshallsehbzsolutelyashley_rose83dogwillhunt22ThRealBallsDeep
    • 785
    • RETWEETS
    LurkAtHomeMomlittle_hanselAM_Lawermyerisedschwebebananadogwillhunt22ThRealBallsDeepjanjanjan21
    Halbeerzjunejuly12
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    When beer and cheese isn't the answer... Change the question

    • 1,004
    • FAVS
    Regina_UniverseLurkAtHomeMomBrianIncognitogasnerpantsRohitKohli236BakedEllebob_hollimanJRadMKE
    • 695
    • RETWEETS
    LurkAtHomeMomRohitKohli236whaddupbruhhStephy_Ann77myerisedbrianna_mowermwesh22dogwillhunt22
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    People at work tell me I have a lot of patience.

    Fact is… there are just way too many witnesses around

    • 1,001
    • FAVS
    OutOnTheMoorsPee_And_GigglesBad_Girl_Bexanimaribellamorgansparhawkray_marshallsMyNaughtySide7wildandblue2204
    • 669
    • RETWEETS
    OutOnTheMoorsPee_And_Giggleswhaddupbruhhadilmohammed91_ray_marshallsmyerisedbrianna_mowermwesh22
    KatieBurnettfixyourcompass
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    I've seen bacon... I've cooked and eaten bacon... and you turkey bacon... are NOT bacon.

    • 970
    • FAVS
    markmayhem44rossamartin_Bad_Girl_Bexstuirv09ray_marshallsstarfish19673MyNaughtySide7stacywawa1
    • 583
    • RETWEETS
    KerriSnooperwhaddupbruhhStephy_Ann77CandiceDaggerChiveNinjakathy_derosaTRI11HA5HThRealBallsDeep
    TexasVampicehead13DudeImShawn
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Some of my best memories were my worst mistakes

    • 854
    • FAVS
    Ally_HerLurkAtHomeMomwhaddupbruhhDavidRayDogAsamoahKewellJvrRobinray_marshallsmorgansparhawk
    • 606
    • RETWEETS
    Ally_Herjenniferland_LurkAtHomeMomEllz_LaserkellyebyrneJvrRobinehbzsolutelyGoneKold
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    If guys could blow themselves, Twitter would just be a bunch of ladies entertaining each other

    • 734
    • FAVS
    jaggedapeplainjane9erLosLos__DavidRayDogyourdadmayberust_jerrodbrianna_mowerChiveNinja
    • 472
    • RETWEETS
    jaggedapeplainjane9erLosLos__whaddupbruhhray_marshallsehbzsolutelyChiveNinjamwesh22
    Overdue_Bills
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Lessons learned from last night: There is no such thing as a goalie in darts

    • 572
    • FAVS
    brb1213jimmy_sharpeLurkAtHomeMompaigeofmylife2countryclubhellMehrangizCSaertjeMirrorSusanMizera
    • 376
    • RETWEETS
    brb1213LurkAtHomeMomNiceLittleWifebighandsmassuerMehrangizCSaertjeMirrorwhaddupbruhhSusanMizera
    Smooheedshay_kinbakeabrosenthal
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Let's settle this like men... men with bad judgment & unlimited water balloons

    • 587
    • FAVS
    DavidRayDogskeptic67wildandblue2204brianna_mowerDeadlyshoelacesvipinkmr777thomasrummellThRealBallsDeep
    • 344
    • RETWEETS
    whaddupbruhhray_marshallsmyerisedTierzaBishopThRealBallsDeeprexaldiguezTheBeerGuy73BRYCEJOCOOL
    SgtButtCheeks
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    The only yoga I'm good at is downward facing drunk

    • 569
    • FAVS
    audreycollinsDavidRayDogray_marshallsbob_hollimanmorgansparhawkbrianna_mowerSarcastic_Dad73ThRealBallsDeep
    • 344
    • RETWEETS
    whaddupbruhhTierzaBishopbrianna_mowerMumbaiKiChokriThRealBallsDeepssstephhh18LMHPhotogkimjnwa
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Apparently, thumb wrestling isn't an acceptable form of solving an office dispute. Idiots.

    • 565
    • FAVS
    Pee_And_GigglesDavidRayDogskeptic67ray_marshallsMyNaughtySide7johnmhty_Leftfield_ThRealBallsDeep
    • 286
    • RETWEETS
    anajonessysiewlilywhaddupbruhhray_marshallsmyerisedehbzsolutelyTierzaBishopGoneKold
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Every once in a while I will scroll thru my TL really fast & pretend I'm in that I Love Lucy episode with the conveyor belt & the chocolates

    • 575
    • FAVS
    Pee_And_Gigglesbob_hollimanbrianna_mowerThRealBallsDeepTheBeerGuy73KKBowlsjamitupinheadstrong_girl
    • 243
    • RETWEETS
    whaddupbruhhbrianna_mowerThRealBallsDeepLosLos__afairiesweetear__Cloudmaker420Jay_FrickinLynnTheOneTrueDisco
    TINY_TOESIES______emireecrairemrtruthandsoul
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Having a dog around pretty much denies any opportunity to take advantage of the 5 second rule on a dropped chip

    • 449
    • FAVS
    paigeofmylife2GrandxSupremeLosLos__dvlsgrounddsherb002ray_marshallsbrianna_mower360kjh
    • 292
    • RETWEETS
    GrandxSupremeLosLos__whaddupbruhhadilmohammed91_MsToshaRaeTierzaBishopmwesh22bignutsbill
    One_FineMess
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Pointless nitpicking is my god given right as an American and an asshole

    • 497
    • FAVS
    TheBeerGuy73KKBowlsCloudmaker420MichaelHeafey1Jay_FrickinLynnTw0PennethCopperheadSammikerihamrick
    • 195
    • RETWEETS
    KKBowlsJay_FrickinLynnTheOneTrueDiscoHarlemworld94miawkoueSchantzlawEightinchgoatLordofMetallica
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Everytime I see loose coins on the floor in front of a vending machine, I wonder if Michael J Fox was there earlier trying to buy a Snickers

    • 423
    • FAVS
    TheBeerGuy73CharmandBrainsjamitupinpurdon91JACovington9AnnMitchellMcDCherishMe10InchesPlus
    • 251
    • RETWEETS
    10InchesPlusoutrrracheousSmooheedHarry_CalIahanGoofpoopsLosLos__chuckthemooseLindaInDisguise
    concretesledge_caperbc75danrgraberRidiculousSheriAdam14
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    "Does this house make my ass look flat?" - Wicked Witch of the East

    • 416
    • FAVS
    Pee_And_GigglesAngelaLovesNYcarlykenTheBeerGuy73frankmattdsouzaSondraDeeMeCharmandBrainsAmbissSjh
    • 219
    • RETWEETS
    ekhotchocolatecarlykenSondraDeeMeCharmandBrainsDukEB5110InchesPlusLosLos__VenusRockHobbit
    PortRooster
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Tweeting after inhaling helium isn't nearly as fun as I thought it would be

    • 450
    • FAVS
    Pee_And_GigglesTheBeerGuy73luvyourself2day__CharmandBrainsbash_ashx0srbacharGirliegurllsajochacko01
    • 183
    • RETWEETS
    ekhotchocolatecarlykenluvyourself2day__CharmandBrainsboxhalljohnbureauLuvPugfavstar_history
@DBMaxP

@DBMaxP

Occasionally wrong, but never in doubt