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  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    There are 2 types of people: Those that think they are normal, and those that realize there is no such thing.

    • 1,764
    • FAVS
    2MinutesAddedmtthw_jay_rbnsnluvmyADHDAfricamSueWHey_Its_TarrahMarilyn1MNelRock777WalkingCivilWar
    • 1,571
    • RETWEETS
    fukmifastMarilyn1MWalkingCivilWarTheKimSixFixawesomeJCwoodCheeseboy22AsPasserbyorangeagle15
    Bourbon_luv______
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    One man's LOL is another man's WTF

    • 1,775
    • FAVS
    JessObsessaimlessamerssachin2528rmecheeyaAndyAsAdjectiveorangeagle15RinoSatrianoshirlo7
    • 1,337
    • RETWEETS
    CoreyBeverageaimlessamersnotacelebblrrmecheeyaAndyAsAdjectiveorangeagle15osoplainsunshyngurl
    mrjohntofu
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    I'm an adult. I can eat a cupcake for breakfast & call it a muffin if I want

    • 1,538
    • FAVS
    aimlessamersorangeagle15killerswposoplainWornOutMommylucy_nyholm123StellarSupreme1KelliBelle
    • 1,063
    • RETWEETS
    Prettyinromanceaimlessamersorangeagle15kylie_a_tosoplainWornOutMommylucy_nyholm123kindakookykeara
    Nicholey23
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Dear lady arguing w/ the clerk over whether or not it is "good" champagne: YOU ARE IN A GAS STATION!

    • 1,573
    • FAVS
    MollyKishFusRoDontDesgardesShitgoatmaxwelledwarkaraclarkventriclemouseBob_Heller
    • 816
    • RETWEETS
    FusRoDontDesgardesShitgoatventriclemouseBob_HellerSureshMKothariaimlessamersTop_in_Texas
    SwartyComedySamDelanche10InchesPlus
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Why are the people with the most annoying laughs the ones that find everything hysterical?

    • 1,390
    • FAVS
    JessObsessoc1863billybong79AngryKoalaFruitsuemilabellaNaomiGlitteraimlessamerstomcashgent
    • 923
    • RETWEETS
    sona_j17billybong79nicfit75aimlessamersdavid_tullorangeagle15CLOheadUDSkimsgreat
    Halbeerzjunejuly12
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    When beer and cheese isn't the answer... Change the question

    • 1,123
    • FAVS
    orangeagle15osoplainStellarSupremesweetg35ohhhwhoopsWhosYourVaderSean_Burgundy_Jay__Zim
    • 781
    • RETWEETS
    orangeagle15StellarSupremeAuthorKnownMohhhwhoopsSean_Burgundy_astutenewfsoccerskiingmombeall4fun
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    People at work tell me I have a lot of patience.

    Fact is… there are just way too many witnesses around

    • 1,132
    • FAVS
    JessObsessNaomiGlitterorangeagle15SeawordGProtoSivaosoplainStellarSupremenovakdesigns
    • 770
    • RETWEETS
    orangeagle15SeawordGosoplainAlanSears2StellarSupremenovakdesignslethabomaesela1jdforshort
    KatieBurnettfixyourcompass
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Some of my best memories were my worst mistakes

    • 1,029
    • FAVS
    wonderwomenmAGStr8upNinjaLaniBenokathybotteassr_cosrGingerGanderNaomiGlitterenlightenedme_
    • 739
    • RETWEETS
    AGStr8upNinjaDMAMA232323LaniBenoNaomiGlitterenlightenedme_aimlessamersorangeagle15Hobo_Splendido
    NaomiGlitterIdeal_VictoriaClarkeMcMakinMSN2BE
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    I've seen bacon... I've cooked and eaten bacon... and you turkey bacon... are NOT bacon.

    • 1,074
    • FAVS
    rajmarathegjdonovanCEOofHopeNaomiGlitterorangeagle15dreamthievinLurkAtHomeMomRWolick
    • 642
    • RETWEETS
    Dave1001deborahh69CEOofHopeorangeagle15KristaSigLurkAtHomeMomRWolickjdforshort
    TexasVampicehead13DudeImShawn
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Lessons learned from last night: There is no such thing as a goalie in darts

    • 862
    • FAVS
    rajmaratheBears09fanflamingo_sassWhyShouldIWaitdanilemaurapfffftwhateverrlarsen4Underchilde
    • 554
    • RETWEETS
    UnderchildeAGStr8upNinjanykkin_out1Bad_Scientistcaliluvgirl77orangeagle15ReallyfamoussDaNaLa13
    IQuitTwittah__Smooheedshay_kinbakeabrosenthal
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    If guys could blow themselves, Twitter would just be a bunch of ladies entertaining each other

    • 818
    • FAVS
    RandomeShitamberdontcarepnwildflowerAGStr8upNinjaJessObsessorangeagle15delicatelittlefunny_bone80
    • 518
    • RETWEETS
    AGStr8upNinjaorangeagle15NoWittyNameYetSmooheedStellarSupremelethabomaesela1jdforshortAuthorKnownM
    Overdue_Bills
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    The only yoga I'm good at is downward facing drunk

    • 759
    • FAVS
    NaomiGlitterorangeagle15Jehzikahrantpagesoutrageljenniluvsthed__DaNaLa13siddo471
    • 442
    • RETWEETS
    orangeagle15jenniluvsthed__LoveAlwaays_CDaNaLa13wimittuCharlottecw65siddo471Smooheed
    DionneMcNutt
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Let's settle this like men... men with bad judgment & unlimited water balloons

    • 649
    • FAVS
    orangeagle15Jehzikahlethabomaesela1jdforshortnoranutterohhhwhoopsfelixoshea555wetip
    • 379
    • RETWEETS
    orangeagle15lethabomaesela1jdforshortAuthorKnownMvijayrathoda9ohhhwhoopsSean_Burgundy_PeterTbanks
    SgtButtCheeks
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Apparently, thumb wrestling isn't an acceptable form of solving an office dispute. Idiots.

    • 620
    • FAVS
    lemmywinklerSean_Burgundy_orangeagle15Jehzikahshimtweetery__MomtoteensMashudu27DannyPaps94
    • 315
    • RETWEETS
    Sean_Burgundy_orangeagle15shimtweetery__Insane4tranceOneLastStrangerlittlelady899welcometomyjulyBook_Krazy
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Every once in a while I will scroll thru my TL really fast & pretend I'm in that I Love Lucy episode with the conveyor belt & the chocolates

    • 632
    • FAVS
    myhairisbluePurvoActualornotbjewellJust_Oh_SusannawifewithabsTweetingDadGuyevanjaustinPunmastah
    • 280
    • RETWEETS
    myhairisblueJust_Oh_SusannaJessObsessSean_Burgundy_MadameDeLyteSmooheedshimtweetery__OneLastStranger
    TINY_TOESIES______emilylimemrtruthandsoul
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Is the Pumpkin Spice McRib out yet?

    • 526
    • FAVS
    Bob_HellerNaomiGlitterComatose_BatDanny383lovenasiumbitch_o_maticeolsencreativeMonicann86
    • 373
    • RETWEETS
    Comatose_BatDanny383annula6979brucefloydAndyAsAdjectiverandirahmanSean_Burgundy_SumaneshSays
    Adam14
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Having a dog around pretty much denies any opportunity to take advantage of the 5 second rule on a dropped chip

    • 506
    • FAVS
    SnarkyLemurSean_Burgundy_orangeagle15JehzikahSmooheedCallMeBwianJay__Zimastutenewf
    • 325
    • RETWEETS
    v_7388SnarkyLemurSean_Burgundy_orangeagle15shimtweetery__OneLastStrangerlittlelady899CindyMHerrera
    One_FineMess
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Everytime I see loose coins on the floor in front of a vending machine, I wonder if Michael J Fox was there earlier trying to buy a Snickers

    • 486
    • FAVS
    Sidbell069JSLauderdaleBlackguyzachretartersauceSurfdudeken03HarrisonKaasgufawwblood_orphan
    • 290
    • RETWEETS
    M11sanmanglitter_farts1JSLauderdalesaggy_salisburyStevieDieckI_am_DoodlehuntigulaSean_Burgundy_
    concretesledge_caperbc75danrgraberRidiculousSheriAdam14
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Pointless nitpicking is my god given right as an American and an asshole

    • 543
    • FAVS
    nmdiariesSean_Burgundy_orangeagle15JehzikahLegend_of_SamnocturnallymeTehNemstermstluvstrinkets
    • 216
    • RETWEETS
    Sean_Burgundy_orangeagle15nocturnallymemstluvstrinketslittlelady899heatherlou_WoManlyAssholeSadieSmithRoks
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Tea without sugar isn't "unsweetened tea".

    It's. Just. Tea.

    • 469
    • FAVS
    nmdiariesSnarkyLemurSean_Burgundy_gbobinaJehzikahSan_DovadelicatelittleMadameDeLyte
    • 270
    • RETWEETS
    randirahmanSean_Burgundy_JehzikahBearCovTeaForTeriColeGirlOnedebleech127high7tea7
@DBMaxP

@DBMaxP

Occasionally wrong, but never in doubt

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