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Okay, we shall bug you no longer
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    There are 2 types of people: Those that think they are normal, and those that realize there is no such thing.

    • 1,831
    • FAVS
    zeugirdoryrrejJoshua_PerrinHiddleDeeDeebeefman138katfoodbreathJ4YR4Wandrisaurpinktoilet_
    • 1,627
    • RETWEETS
    Blindwriter16Joshua_PerrinHiddleDeeDeemybestopinionbeefman138J4YR4WLMFayesalamingia
    Bourbon_luv______
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    One man's LOL is another man's WTF

    • 1,795
    • FAVS
    beefman138kcmoore51magicraisinmaternalsoulcatdjr_102FlyJ_Gabby769Krisquotablechatter
    • 1,358
    • RETWEETS
    matawiJimReynomoderndayfreakbeefman138kcmoore51FlyJ_Gabby769Krisquotablechatter
    mrjohntofu
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    I'm an adult. I can eat a cupcake for breakfast & call it a muffin if I want

    • 1,587
    • FAVS
    SerialFuckupAnonysubbeefman138lasergirl70kcmoore51Janella_Duboisherd_thatShaunRightNow
    • 1,091
    • RETWEETS
    matawibeefman138kcmoore51daniel_frijolesBradBroaddusriesypieceyfavstar_historymalindanina
    Nicholey23
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Dear lady arguing w/ the clerk over whether or not it is "good" champagne: YOU ARE IN A GAS STATION!

    • 1,601
    • FAVS
    HiddleDeeDeebeefman138kcmoore51FlyJ_toomanytoesGabby769KrisvexroidAlex_N_Chains
    • 831
    • RETWEETS
    Goatcheese95HiddleDeeDeebeefman138kcmoore51FlyJ_vexroidShutUpThatsWhomlccm
    SwartyComedySamDelanche10InchesPlus
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Why are the people with the most annoying laughs the ones that find everything hysterical?

    • 1,418
    • FAVS
    SerialFuckupHiddleDeeDeelarivergirlbeefman138NikkiRuiz_kcmoore51tailing2ideasiinkedZombie
    • 945
    • RETWEETS
    joesepichHiddleDeeDeebeefman138softballloveee1kcmoore51Red_BennettiinkedZombiemalindanina
    OneFunnyMummyHalbeerzjunejuly12
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    People at work tell me I have a lot of patience.

    Fact is… there are just way too many witnesses around

    • 1,170
    • FAVS
    hollywoodfarmerjoesepichHiddleDeeDeeAnonysubMissRachaelJoybeefman138kcmoore51djdcarew
    • 793
    • RETWEETS
    HiddleDeeDeebeefman138kcmoore51djdcarewFlyJ_OkieGirl40504phuxacheShutUpThatsWho
    KatieBurnettfixyourcompass
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    When beer and cheese isn't the answer... Change the question

    • 1,151
    • FAVS
    RobWeb79beefman138kcmoore51GrantJ18FlyJ_Alex_N_ChainsShutUpThatsWhoDeniseWalker81
    • 804
    • RETWEETS
    RobWeb79beefman138kcmoore51GrantJ18FlyJ_OkieGirl405ShutUpThatsWhoCamel_Crushin
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Some of my best memories were my worst mistakes

    • 1,056
    • FAVS
    HiddleDeeDeebeefman138BarbiYeahrightkcmoore51malindaninaFlyJ_Alex_N_ChainsShutUpThatsWho
    • 759
    • RETWEETS
    HiddleDeeDeebeefman138TheCloudKidBarbiYeahrightkcmoore51malindaninaFlyJ_hoycenapancho
    NaomiGlitterIdeal_VictoriaClarkeMcMakinMSN2BE
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    I've seen bacon... I've cooked and eaten bacon... and you turkey bacon... are NOT bacon.

    • 1,112
    • FAVS
    HiddleDeeDeeAnonysubbeefman138BarbiYeahright_MrsBlueBird_corribananascaisen428onionsareyummy
    • 661
    • RETWEETS
    HiddleDeeDeebeefman138kcmoore51FlyJ_thebadjennFuckinPrallemskmbrainpdxjohnny99
    TexasVampicehead13DudeImShawn
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Lessons learned from last night: There is no such thing as a goalie in darts

    • 907
    • FAVS
    MartinSmallzgamegirl7200Humor_Fetishjoshkuroda419BillEbruhzillianRagnor009Ellelouisegirl
    • 580
    • RETWEETS
    AsNr80Ragnor009newstart43mc_shamsterdeathtoscumbagsJaywoo74HiddleDeeDeebeefman138
    IQuitTwittah__Smooheedshay_kinbakeabrosenthal
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    If guys could blow themselves, Twitter would just be a bunch of ladies entertaining each other

    • 836
    • FAVS
    hollywoodfarmerHiddleDeeDeeFlyJ_BlondAmbitionTOShutUpThatsWhojaq_burkepdxjohnny99SassyChantelle
    • 527
    • RETWEETS
    HiddleDeeDeeFlyJ_HJKNTZpdxjohnny99Lisabug74BeCoco77mohamudmohamudUncutDREWlery
    Overdue_Bills
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    The only yoga I'm good at is downward facing drunk

    • 788
    • FAVS
    FlyJ_matticusmoorusLethalLabProjE_interruptedbeersudsbourgeoisalienkatie_1002octofussy
    • 453
    • RETWEETS
    FlyJ_bourgeoisalienkatie_1002SoulYodelerpdxjohnny99markbisbyLisabug74LilMumma3454
    DionneMcNutt
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Let's settle this like men... men with bad judgment & unlimited water balloons

    • 670
    • FAVS
    GrantJ18FlyJ_vivalacrapShutUpThatsWhoshotgun_ryder23BlindVigilTheLadyVenomCarey_IsI
    • 397
    • RETWEETS
    GrantJ18FlyJ_ShutUpThatsWhoNewagewizardOneFunnyMummyTheLadyVenomCarey_IsIlovemyboots111
    SgtButtCheeks
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Apparently, thumb wrestling isn't an acceptable form of solving an office dispute. Idiots.

    • 642
    • FAVS
    FlyJ_BlondAmbitionTOShutUpThatsWhoshotgun_ryder23BlindVigilCarey_IsIchaylordlovemyboots111
    • 330
    • RETWEETS
    FlyJ_OneFunnyMummyCarey_IsIchaylordlovemyboots111kmbrainDicaprianopdxjohnny99
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Every once in a while I will scroll thru my TL really fast & pretend I'm in that I Love Lucy episode with the conveyor belt & the chocolates

    • 649
    • FAVS
    FlyJ_ShutUpThatsWhon_dupeshotgun_ryder23lovemyboots111LethalLabProjpdxjohnny99SassyChantelle
    • 288
    • RETWEETS
    FlyJ_OneFunnyMummylovemyboots111howrudeareyoupdxjohnny99candidartichokeLisabug74astutenewf
    TINY_TOESIES______emilylimemrtruthandsoul
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Is the Pumpkin Spice McRib out yet?

    • 540
    • FAVS
    WarWithMyMindHiddleDeeDeeOneFunnyMummyNasha621__NOLAN_MAanadanielagcBobbyAwfulBlindVigil
    • 384
    • RETWEETS
    WarWithMyMindHiddleDeeDeeBlindVigilTheLadyVenomchaylordlovemyboots111MarkOnThePlanetmaybe_malloy
    Adam14
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Having a dog around pretty much denies any opportunity to take advantage of the 5 second rule on a dropped chip

    • 524
    • FAVS
    FlyJ_ShutUpThatsWhoNinjaSweatpantsDaddyFitNeishlyBlindVigilchaylordrubenvasquez247
    • 339
    • RETWEETS
    FlyJ_NinjaSweatpantsOneFunnyMummyNeishlyrubenvasquez247lovemyboots111pdxjohnny99bchristiama
    One_FineMess
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Everytime I see loose coins on the floor in front of a vending machine, I wonder if Michael J Fox was there earlier trying to buy a Snickers

    • 503
    • FAVS
    WarWithMyMindHiddleDeeDeeBobOldisTowelBlindVigilRuthlessBettyDrMonicaQuezadalovemyboots111CastleSew
    • 301
    • RETWEETS
    WarWithMyMindHiddleDeeDeeRuthlessBettylovemyboots111maybe_malloyamaferapdxjohnny99LiquidCoke
    concretesledge_caperbc75danrgraberRidiculousSheriAdam14
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Pointless nitpicking is my god given right as an American and an asshole

    • 556
    • FAVS
    sunonesmydmacmultipervlaurennbriannaaShut_up_MarissajuanopeningsSnarferninihollywoodfarmer
    • 222
    • RETWEETS
    jcstarzykAddisonandClarkSnarferniniHiddleDeeDeelovemyboots111pdxjohnny99Sean_Burgundy_orangeagle15
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Tea without sugar isn't "unsweetened tea".

    It's. Just. Tea.

    • 496
    • FAVS
    Tiffany_Shaymydmacmurbs2uaxomammajcstarzykImMissingTexasbossypants72ianhmg
    • 275
    • RETWEETS
    guitarstikibarsatieyKAllInFunTxsoonergruntSnarferninilovemyboots111randirahmanSean_Burgundy_
@DBMaxP

@DBMaxP

Occasionally wrong, but never in doubt

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