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  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    There are 2 types of people: Those that think they are normal, and those that realize there is no such thing.

    • 1,316
    • FAVS
    Jonmicolfurious_houseKrisJ1321WarWithMyMindshawnspreeMandaPie1981RachelLeigh227jergarl
    • 1,196
    • RETWEETS
    friki_takifurious_houseshawnspreeSaraAlaaKhodeirSarahSallamAmbrolleignsKimjergarlplasticwriting
    Bourbon_luv______
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    One man's LOL is another man's WTF

    • 1,175
    • FAVS
    wrstew5150BlancoSumamentegoodiegoodie29secretkauaigirlMC_Count_ChillcocobebeeTruculent67CountMackula
    • 905
    • RETWEETS
    wrstew5150newstart43Truculent67_zazaz_JonmicolTarverIcushawnspreejergarl
    mrjohntofu
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    I'm an adult. I can eat a cupcake for breakfast & call it a muffin if I want

    • 1,126
    • FAVS
    pappa55SashaBuchanan1carriannefDarkxGr3atnessRachelLeigh227jergarlATequliaJournalherfragileheart
    • 764
    • RETWEETS
    SashaBuchanan1DarkxGr3atnessjergarlplasticwritingHope055fuzzlimesarahnxxthompson_202
    Nicholey23
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Dear lady arguing w/ the clerk over whether or not it is "good" champagne: YOU ARE IN A GAS STATION!

    • 1,159
    • FAVS
    soonerfan0370WarWithMyMindshawnspreejergarlNvCornflakeGirlShermanPartsfuzzlimeHtown49erFan
    • 600
    • RETWEETS
    soonerfan0370shawnspreejergarlShermanPartsfuzzlimeJennyJennJenn83pauluser5555CaravellaJ
    10InchesPlus
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Why are the people with the most annoying laughs the ones that find everything hysterical?

    • 964
    • FAVS
    7reezycre8ivetypepriya1861shawnspreeNaDeana_TateLLKecklerericboveRunwayDan
    • 611
    • RETWEETS
    mulosshawnspreeNaDeana_Tatebawzin_lik_hugobigjase73VenousRisingSamiNichole22Matt_The_1st
    junejuly12
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    When beer and cheese isn't the answer... Change the question

    • 860
    • FAVS
    soonerfan0370KrisJ1321shawnspreeRachelLeigh227Bro0kerjergarlmitchmelmerjacee0308
    • 600
    • RETWEETS
    soonerfan0370shawnspreecallejeroSwgITuoheykoorafollowbacktajfollowtrainjergarlHope055
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    I've seen bacon... I've cooked and eaten bacon... and you turkey bacon... are NOT bacon.

    • 830
    • FAVS
    RedditTurkeydoktorjshawnspreeNaDeana_TateericboveJess_PatienceMatt_The_1stHuajatollaChic
    • 504
    • RETWEETS
    _zazaz_shawnspreeNaDeana_TateRunwayDanMatt_The_1stHuajatollaChicjergarlIwriteforcats
    trojanofsinDudeImShawn
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    People at work tell me I have a lot of patience.

    Fact is… there are just way too many witnesses around

    • 800
    • FAVS
    robbiev427shawnspreeRachelLeigh227jergarlIAmTheStatusrain4026_ameswhatitsmenejwelfarehoe
    • 532
    • RETWEETS
    ByronDawesshawnspreejergarlacee2015jacee0308welfarehoeEdHernandez922puss_in_chucks
    fixyourcompass
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Some of my best memories were my worst mistakes

    • 719
    • FAVS
    7reezyshawnspreeericboveKadyLynnXoXothe_zekk__Matt_The_1stnofinbulljusbieberlove_1
    • 513
    • RETWEETS
    shawnspreeMatt_The_1stAlena_SimmonsjergarlHope055Iwriteforcatskajal765piyush_pooh
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    If guys could blow themselves, Twitter would just be a bunch of ladies entertaining each other

    • 628
    • FAVS
    DawnOfTheCynicericboveMatt_The_1stPo00eTRachelLeigh227lucreciamariexMistressVxOutsideMetro
    • 413
    • RETWEETS
    Ansab454DickScurvyQueen_Bitch123Matt_The_1stjergarlwelfarehoepuss_in_chucksDani_Feld
    Overdue_Bills
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    The only yoga I'm good at is downward facing drunk

    • 473
    • FAVS
    OhMyJoeeeMoonHealingSanwal22youfukinwishaaronupshawnspree1thingincommonHuajatollaChic
    • 289
    • RETWEETS
    OhMyJoeeeMcKnightyBooyoufukinwishRebelliousCheezRandomlyRabidshawnspreejergarlwelfarehoe
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Apparently, thumb wrestling isn't an acceptable form of solving an office dispute. Idiots.

    • 508
    • FAVS
    DanRichards0nMcKnightyBooemsykayshawnspreeRachelLeigh227xMistressVxjergarlnycgrl11
    • 246
    • RETWEETS
    McKnightyBooshawnspreejergarltherealjayskiIwriteforcatsonthe10brinkleechee420Gavlarrr123
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Let's settle this like men... men with bad judgment & unlimited water balloons

    • 474
    • FAVS
    shawnspree1thingincommon_bryceTeapanTdropperHuajatollaChicxMistressVxkellschhjergarl
    • 276
    • RETWEETS
    shawnspreepanTdropperjergarluDiZnoGouDwelfarehoepuss_in_chucksIwriteforcatsjctsmileyone
    SgtButtCheeks
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Every once in a while I will scroll thru my TL really fast & pretend I'm in that I Love Lucy episode with the conveyor belt & the chocolates

    • 513
    • FAVS
    shut_uupTruculent67BoobzAndBrainzemsykayshawnspreexMistressVxRachelLeigh227jergarl
    • 209
    • RETWEETS
    Truculent67shawnspreejergarltaylor_clearyfuzzlimewelfarehoeIwriteforcatszeugirdorej
    TINY_TOESIES______emireecrairemrtruthandsoul
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Pointless nitpicking is my god given right as an American and an asshole

    • 450
    • FAVS
    sophied40BobinhidingMcKnightyBoov_hamelGenny_jelloshawnspreexMistressVxRachelLeigh227
    • 178
    • RETWEETS
    McKnightyBoov_hamelshawnspreejadetaylor3818jergarlwelfarehoeJesssicleJimmy_Collis
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Having a dog around pretty much denies any opportunity to take advantage of the 5 second rule on a dropped chip

    • 334
    • FAVS
    xMistressVxabiodunAoparaRachelLeigh227jergarlKystifyiwearaonesiewelfarehoepuss_in_chucks
    • 212
    • RETWEETS
    jergarlwelfarehoeIwriteforcatsDr_powpowtequilasaltlifeIlluminattiAnoncanadasandratayloraballard
    One_FineMess
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Tweeting after inhaling helium isn't nearly as fun as I thought it would be

    • 394
    • FAVS
    Soldeepindaseaknittgirldixiegirl0sophied40furious_houseJEN_JEN_2014HousingLadyjoeyz95
    • 147
    • RETWEETS
    dixiegirl0DogTrainingUMcKnightyBoofurious_houseshawnspreewelfarehoeIwriteforcatschuddles11
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Everytime I see loose coins on the floor in front of a vending machine, I wonder if Michael J Fox was there earlier trying to buy a Snickers

    • 321
    • FAVS
    AngelaEhhrain4026_ameswelfarehoeDr_powpowCrashTestDrummyEwokpestcontroltequilasaltlifeJen_Two_time
    • 197
    • RETWEETS
    welfarehoeRealJinjaNinjaDr_powpowtequilasaltlifeninjamoose101withanewnameBareChestyShellsterca
    danrgraberRidiculousSheriAdam14
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Lessons learned from last night: There is no such thing as a goalie in darts

    • 293
    • FAVS
    lostsoulmedicBBBBBentpunmagnatewellferfucksakenissanote69NikkiMikellidesSwingersonianburried_secrets
    • 187
    • RETWEETS
    UberGeekeryckyrule7Ashishsid1325Apt42ThatDangIndianAngelaEhhdawny716Truculent67
    abrosenthal
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    "Does this house make my ass look flat?" - Wicked Witch of the East

    • 316
    • FAVS
    McKnightyBoowelfarehoeIwriteforcatsMarthaRoppJuliimonsterchelah_reezHarry_CalIahanChlo_Jo23
    • 164
    • RETWEETS
    McKnightyBooIwriteforcatsJuliimonsterleechee420BeeFCB19Chlo_Jo23TheDailySchmuckauthor215
@DBMaxP

@DBMaxP

Occasionally wrong, but never in doubt