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  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    There are 2 types of people: Those that think they are normal, and those that realize there is no such thing.

    • 1,784
    • FAVS
    kissmykupcakesKernsMirandawalesboy1972pdxjohnny99InvictikaGeliophobicshlhaffnerPressureSupport
    • 1,587
    • RETWEETS
    kissmykupcakesKernsMirandaikyyypdxjohnny99petlambSusieRobinsoneccentricvanshiGeliophobics
    Bourbon_luv______
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    One man's LOL is another man's WTF

    • 1,784
    • FAVS
    liquelg_PBody__walesboy1972pdxjohnny99kwirkyKerriheffroatlargesremaerduE_lok44
    • 1,344
    • RETWEETS
    pdxjohnny99kwirkyKerriheffroatlargeteens04sremaerduRicLippincottE_lok44CoreyBeverage
    mrjohntofu
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    I'm an adult. I can eat a cupcake for breakfast & call it a muffin if I want

    • 1,558
    • FAVS
    SassyChantelleSecularWondermorphineflavordKernsMirandawalesboy1972pdxjohnny99TheLastVirgocandidartichoke
    • 1,075
    • RETWEETS
    SecularWondermorphineflavordKernsMirandapdxjohnny99candidartichokethysa31TwoScoopsofpeaLisabug74
    Nicholey23
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Dear lady arguing w/ the clerk over whether or not it is "good" champagne: YOU ARE IN A GAS STATION!

    • 1,587
    • FAVS
    SassyChantelleliquelgangghasaputrowalesboy1972pdxjohnny99CaptstabbyfacekwirkyKerriBRudlaff
    • 822
    • RETWEETS
    walesboy1972pdxjohnny99CaptstabbyfacekwirkyKerriLisabug74E_lok44FusRoDontDesgardes
    SwartyComedySamDelanche10InchesPlus
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Why are the people with the most annoying laughs the ones that find everything hysterical?

    • 1,400
    • FAVS
    jgtapatioSillySassySmartliquelgangghasaputropdxjohnny99AlienXergonkwirkyKerrinod4yes
    • 927
    • RETWEETS
    SillySassySmartpdxjohnny99kwirkyKerriE_lok44sona_j17billybong79nicfit75aimlessamers
    Halbeerzjunejuly12
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    People at work tell me I have a lot of patience.

    Fact is… there are just way too many witnesses around

    • 1,152
    • FAVS
    SassyChantellewalesboy1972pdxjohnny99emhirsch94MandiAtRandomfallenstar369stormzadorkdullbitch
    • 782
    • RETWEETS
    walesboy1972pdxjohnny99kwirkyKerrithysa31TehNemsterLisabug74E_lok44astutenewf
    KatieBurnettfixyourcompass
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    When beer and cheese isn't the answer... Change the question

    • 1,137
    • FAVS
    kmbrainmichelea2204Stephen_Officerbrain_omenmistahtogetheraxenbanepdxjohnny99SassyChantelle
    • 791
    • RETWEETS
    walshrightkmbrainStephen_Officerbrain_omenpdxjohnny99SassyChantelleJustSomeGuy78Lisabug74
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Some of my best memories were my worst mistakes

    • 1,044
    • FAVS
    Esha_RatedRpdxjohnny99SassyChantelleLisabug74sessymotoarodroccoitstotallyobviThursdayGuy
    • 747
    • RETWEETS
    fluffy_boipdxjohnny99Lisabug74E_lok44kihugiDJTatoMayneiamporgyastutenewf
    NaomiGlitterIdeal_VictoriaClarkeMcMakinMSN2BE
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    I've seen bacon... I've cooked and eaten bacon... and you turkey bacon... are NOT bacon.

    • 1,101
    • FAVS
    donutbesadthebadjennTheHumanBotkmbrainsteviethekmaskedpimpernelpdxjohnny99SassyChantelle
    • 657
    • RETWEETS
    thebadjennFuckinPrallemskmbrainpdxjohnny99AlienXergonkwirkyKerriSirKoolAidGodMeetMeByTheBae
    TexasVampicehead13DudeImShawn
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Lessons learned from last night: There is no such thing as a goalie in darts

    • 877
    • FAVS
    kmbrainrmn1024axenbanejaq_burkedonutbesadpdxjohnny99SassyChantelleMandiAtRandom
    • 564
    • RETWEETS
    kmbrainrmn1024leepvogelpdxjohnny99AlienXergonkwirkyKerrisweetg35mightyzo
    IQuitTwittah__Smooheedshay_kinbakeabrosenthal
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    If guys could blow themselves, Twitter would just be a bunch of ladies entertaining each other

    • 831
    • FAVS
    jaq_burkepdxjohnny99SassyChantelleitastepaintlacrossemom5daniel_frijolesLisabug74sbhobby55
    • 525
    • RETWEETS
    HJKNTZpdxjohnny99Lisabug74BeCoco77mohamudmohamudUncutDREWleryQwertyJones3AGStr8upNinja
    Overdue_Bills
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    The only yoga I'm good at is downward facing drunk

    • 778
    • FAVS
    ToryBadgerpdxjohnny99SassyChantellemarkbisbyLisabug74TheSnideOneLilMumma3454rivetingbonmots
    • 449
    • RETWEETS
    pdxjohnny99markbisbyLisabug74LilMumma3454astutenewfCizzl3zQwertyJones3orangeagle15
    DionneMcNutt
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Let's settle this like men... men with bad judgment & unlimited water balloons

    • 665
    • FAVS
    BlindVigilTheLadyVenomCarey_IsIchaylordlovemyboots111idiosityTheRealRHBJust_A_Guy72
    • 392
    • RETWEETS
    TheLadyVenomCarey_IsIlovemyboots111VeroniKaboomTheRealRHBJust_A_Guy72AmberlyBolesxlr8tor87
    SgtButtCheeks
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Apparently, thumb wrestling isn't an acceptable form of solving an office dispute. Idiots.

    • 638
    • FAVS
    BlindVigilCarey_IsIchaylordlovemyboots111schergerbear27kmbrainaxenbaneboris3324
    • 328
    • RETWEETS
    Carey_IsIchaylordlovemyboots111kmbrainDicaprianopdxjohnny99hatcity658BaxDoll
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Every once in a while I will scroll thru my TL really fast & pretend I'm in that I Love Lucy episode with the conveyor belt & the chocolates

    • 645
    • FAVS
    lovemyboots111LethalLabProjpdxjohnny99SassyChantelleRoughlandwife_housycandidartichokeMakesYouGiggle
    • 286
    • RETWEETS
    lovemyboots111howrudeareyoupdxjohnny99candidartichokeLisabug74astutenewfmyhairisblueJust_Oh_Susanna
    TINY_TOESIES______emilylimemrtruthandsoul
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Is the Pumpkin Spice McRib out yet?

    • 539
    • FAVS
    Nasha621NOLAN_MAanadanielagcBobbyAwfulBlindVigilTheLadyVenomCarey_IsIchaylord
    • 383
    • RETWEETS
    BlindVigilTheLadyVenomchaylordlovemyboots111MarkOnThePlanetmaybe_malloysauronitepdxjohnny99
    Adam14
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Having a dog around pretty much denies any opportunity to take advantage of the 5 second rule on a dropped chip

    • 520
    • FAVS
    NeishlyBlindVigilchaylordrubenvasquez247Nolawholovemyboots111pdxjohnny99JimCoopr
    • 336
    • RETWEETS
    Neishlyrubenvasquez247lovemyboots111pdxjohnny99bchristiamaBluMoodyWinSomeL0seSomeknatrae
    One_FineMess
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Everytime I see loose coins on the floor in front of a vending machine, I wonder if Michael J Fox was there earlier trying to buy a Snickers

    • 501
    • FAVS
    BobOldisTowelBlindVigilRuthlessBettyDrMonicaQuezadalovemyboots111CastleSewmaybe_malloypdxjohnny99
    • 299
    • RETWEETS
    RuthlessBettylovemyboots111maybe_malloyamaferapdxjohnny99LiquidCokeLiquidKronicBook_Krazy
    concretesledge_caperbc75danrgraberRidiculousSheriAdam14
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Arguments that can't be solved by a Dance-Off aren't worth having

    • 420
    • FAVS
    lovemyboots111queen324AmberlyBolesCommonSavantpdxjohnny99SassyChantelleRealPrincessKimsgtblueeyes
    • 345
    • RETWEETS
    CommonSavantamaferapdxjohnny99TriptafariLisabug74FFC_UFCTry2ActNormalNasir_xy
    DaNaLa13envydatropic
  • DBMaxP
      Max P @DBMaxP

    Pointless nitpicking is my god given right as an American and an asshole

    • 547
    • FAVS
    BlindVigilchaylordlovemyboots111pdxjohnny99nmdiariesSean_Burgundy_orangeagle15Jehzikah
    • 218
    • RETWEETS
    lovemyboots111pdxjohnny99Sean_Burgundy_orangeagle15nocturnallymemstluvstrinketslittlelady899heatherlou_
@DBMaxP

@DBMaxP

Occasionally wrong, but never in doubt

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